Character Critique Thread

[bauccgia0]

I hope I'm not interrupting anything. You can ignore this until you're done with that other guy. I've posted this as a forum by itself. http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=7352.0
Tell me what you think! Thanks, Guys.

[Tiger]

You could've just given a link to his OC page.

Also, I would suggest adding a backstory to him before asking for a critique. The backstory, or history as some may say, is very important. Some things you can talk about in his backstory are how he got his cutiemark and his earlier childhood.

[GoldenTerrabyte]

I hope I'm not interrupting anything. You can ignore this until you're done with that other guy. I've posted this as a forum by itself, but I missed this forum. Tell me what you think!

Laserbolt.
Age: 15
Race: Unicorn
Place of Birth: Manehattan

The Face Behind the Science

(OOC: Yeah, I used pony creator. I ain't so good at the drawing stuff.)
Personality:
Laserbolt isn't a mad genius. He's more of a slightly unhinged egghead. He's the type to "borrow" something, and then make it an integral part of his magical digging machine. He gets mad easily, but cools down just as quickly. He enjoys being around other ponies, but prefers solitude. He does enjoy a good party, though. He can be kind of arrogant, usually after inventing something. He's not big on fighting, and usually stays out of trouble. Unless somepony has something he needs...
Talent:
He is skilled in the art of magic and science, but mostly in the area of trial and error. He is also a skilled teacher.
Occupation:
Teaches Magical Tinkering at the Canterlot University for Adepts.

This is just me talking, but IMO, there's absolutely nothing wrong with using Pony Creator. I encourage its use, as much artwork lacks color. And I like "perfect" pictures made by PC.

[Asterian Starfall]

May I request a critique on Asterian Starfall? I've completely redone everything from the ground up. Asterian was just too... anyway.

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=7404.0

- Your friend,
     Asterian Starfall

[bauccgia0]

Well, I haven't even looked through it all just yet, but I have to say, Asterian, you are certainly detailed. When I'm done reading it, I'll give you a full report on what I think.

[Asterian Starfall]

Well, I haven't even looked through it all just yet, but I have to say, Asterian, you are certainly detailed. When I'm done reading it, I'll give you a full report on what I think.

Thanks for taking a look! All critiques are welcome!

[Quiller]

A character critique eh? Well, this should be fun! If you get the chance can you take a look at mine? http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=7526.0

[cloudandis]

Spoiler: show

This is a critique for Soloren by cloudandis.

Wow, this is a pretty long bio. It might be a bit too long, or at least may require being seperated into multiple paragraphs, since you have what is known as a text block.

Oh, you also have her cutie mark story written in its own section as well as in the bio. I don't recommend that, as it becomes redundant. I would suggest you remove her cutie mark aquisition story and just say something simple like "--and then the events of her cutie mark story ensued. After finding her cutie mark--". If anypony realizes they are reading the cutie mark story verbatim, they will just skip it, like I did.

So far, what you do have is very insightful. You describe many aspects of the character's daily life and interaction with her family members. I do enjoy seeing more thought and effort put into OCs. Her talent is very nicely put together and not overly complicated... unlike her husband. I don't even know how a pony can read minds/memories and not abuse such powers. Anyways, Soloren's love and dedication for caring for plants is her strongest aspect. I can also appreciate how she dislikes how other mistreat flowers by using them as decorations, but killing them in the process. Her stance on plant life and the treatment of plants is well established and thought out.

While I praise you on the amount of detail you give, I think in some places, the detail might be a bit overkill. Like when she is caring for the flowers that earn her her cutie mark, you state that she makes sure the flowers recieve a reasonable amount of sunlight and she kept a good supply of rain water. I find a few of these actions to be a given and not really worth stating. I mean, there's a point when common sense would say if she taking care of flowers, she's going to give them sunlight and water. It's not a really big issue, but I felt it was worth brining up. It doesn't require any change if you still believe it necessary to state.

Around the end, things get a little conspicuous, with the breaking in of a robber who stole finacial records and the disappearance of the husband. I'm not going to tread on this ground, since you appear to be deliberately vague, so I'm going to assume you have all the details concerning why a pony would somepony else's finacial records.

Overall, a really well thought out OC. Keep up the good work!

I'm rather sorry for the late reply, as I've been rather ill. xD I got some injections a while ago to try and fix it. Although, the effects are slower than they should be.

Anyways, thank you very much for your critique! Yes, I was rather iffy about what I should do with the cutie mark story. I knew where it went in the chronological events, seeing as it's part of her history, but at the time I didn't think about maybe putting that in a spoiler rather than simply reposting it in another. SO I can see why you would skip it.

I was also rather tired or at the time, uncreative when it tried to put in the detail about how she cared for the plant. You're right, it's common sense that she would water it and give it sunlight. Anything else for normal plant care wouldn't have added to it either. I did have a bit of info about how the plant would lose health and what not due to droughts or other things, but when I finally got to that part, I completely forgot about it. So I just went with the less creative latter.

As for the father's rather short and vague part in her history, I didn't want to give too many details away about his powers or his disappearance since I had that planned out for when the reader got to read his biography- one I hadn't made before I left for a while. Although, I probably should have added more to him than "They fell in love and he vanished after a few years with her".

The robber came in for certain financial records and other documents pertaining to the patients- as they were a patient. Suffering from amnesia, they had regained a part of their memory regarding Soloren's husband. But I'll save that for his biography.
c: thanks for the review!

[Asterian Starfall]

May I volunteer my services for character critiques? 

[Gracie Sky]

On the first post.

This topic is not just limited to me evaluating OCs. If you would like to comment on a particular OC that interests you, by all means feel free to. I'm sure your opinions are also valued by the authors. I would ask that you keep comments somewhat on the positive side, or at least with a positive ring to it. We want to be encouraging and easy to approach, since many newer authors might be a little shy with showing their works off.

It is very helpful to me to have a second opinion. As experienced as I am with critiquing characters, I do have limited perspectives and personal biases, all which can occasionally make me unfair in the way I judge another's work. Of course I do try to be as impartial as possible.

[bauccgia0]

I've added some stuff to my OC's page. I hope no one minds me putting up the link again. Please check it out, and tell me what you think.
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=7352.0

[Gracie Sky]

  Um... what changed since the last time? Did you want me to comment on the Cherrybuck Season article?

[Tomiix]

Hello!

I recently discovered this forum and made a quick little page for my OC that I would like you to criticques for fun.

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=7874.0

[Alassë]

Oh what they hay? Let's see what you've got to say about my OC.

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=7962.0 _{(She doesn't have much of a backstory yet, but I'm working on it.)}

[Gracie Sky]

I will be critiquing Starlight Champion for now.

Your topic is  75% pictures and 25% text, although I must admit the pictures do a really good job at telling me what kind of pony he is.

There is honestly very little to say about him, except he has amnesia. I would generally look down on it, considering how old he is, but I can tell it's part of your story for him. Still, when one is 17 and has a memory wipe, it brings up why nopony else ever recognizes him. It's like he lived under a rock for 17 years or never made any friends who would miss him and go looking for him. It makes me wonder what exactly his past hides, and I get the feeling it's not something he would be proud of, as it normally is with this sort of situation.

Yep, he's a guard who has trouble fitting in socially, which is rather vague, honestly. I really don't think a lack of memory of one's childhood makes one socially inept. I would sooner believe he is just naturally bad at fitting in with Canterlot society.

I would also avoid specifically bringing up his love life. Such subjects are rarely brought up in Equestria, normally when they are talking about "love" in particular, such as on Hearts and Hooves Day. The main reason being most ponies aren't actively looking for a significant other. Only one of the mane 6 ever showed an interest in a stallion, which ended up being a flop. I honestly don't believe finding a special somepony is very high on a pony's priority list.

And he looks exactly like Shining Armor, except with wings instead of a horn. I already said that, though. 

[Tomiix]

I will be critiquing Starlight Champion for now.

Your topic is  75% pictures and 25% text, although I must admit the pictures do a really good job at telling me what kind of pony he is.

There is honestly very little to say about him, except he has amnesia. I would generally look down on it, considering how old he is, but I can tell it's part of your story for him. Still, when one is 17 and has a memory wipe, it brings up why nopony else ever recognizes him. It's like he lived under a rock for 17 years or never made any friends who would miss him and go looking for him. It makes me wonder what exactly his past hides, and I get the feeling it's not something he would be proud of, as it normally is with this sort of situation.

Yep, he's a guard who has trouble fitting in socially, which is rather vague, honestly. I really don't think a lack of memory of one's childhood makes one socially inept. I would sooner believe he is just naturally bad at fitting in with Canterlot society.

I would also avoid specifically bringing up his love life. Such subjects are rarely brought up in Equestria, normally when they are talking about "love" in particular, such as on Hearts and Hooves Day. The main reason being most ponies aren't actively looking for a significant other. Only one of the mane 6 ever showed an interest in a stallion, which ended up being a flop. I honestly don't believe finding a special somepony is very high on a pony's priority list.

And he looks exactly like Shining Armor, except with wings instead of a horn. I already said that, though. 

Yeah, I kinda did it spur of the moment. He is meant to be a progression character, to find out what his past is and why nobody recognizes him.

Also, one without any memory of there childhood looses what they learned during that time. So him not remembering social skills gained as a child would be at a disadvantage.

[Midnight_Breeze]

hi grace! I know its not my original oc, but care o take a look at this one? not much to her yet though Im afraid...


http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=8071.0

[Ronineter]

I would like to hear some critic on my OC so far, Currently i am still building his profile and correcting some stuff.

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=8157.0

Edit:I think critic of my OC would be a bit useless now, all my harddrives killed AT once. Got alot of work to do to get my pc working again.

[bauccgia0]

Um... what changed since the last time? Did you want me to comment on the Cherrybuck Season article?

I added some other stuff, I can't remember if it's minor or not, but I know I added some back story. And yes, that would help.

[Gracie Sky]

I will be addressing three requests at once, since I can't really critique these types of requests.

@ssumppg
There's really nothing for me to critique, unless you want me to tell you that I like her personality. You might want to tell us a bit about her history, especially considering how old she is. I'm assuming it has something to due with her ability with time travel, perhaps? I'd love to hear more about this "time" aspect in her name.

@Midnight_Breeze
Um... you might want to proofread it a tiny bit. And... I'm not too sure about the first person narrative style you're using. It does have it's charm, although I guess it just doesn't feel professional for my tastes. However, the idea of a ghost pony who is playful is a really good idea.

@Ronineter
So far, I know he's a optimistic engineer and that's it. I cannot judge a OC based on only that. Tell me things like how he became an engineer or how good he is at it or what his life was like growing up or maybe even influencial ponies he has met. Something that is or was important in his life and caused him to develop. That's what readers like reading about.