The Night Ponies

Started by Night Pony, 2012 Jun 01, 05:18:38

previous topic - next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Go Down

Night Pony

2012 Jun 01, 05:18:38 Last Edit: 2017 Aug 31, 10:34:06 by Night Pony
Name: Night Shine
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Personality: Night is reluctant at first to meet new ponies but she quickly becomes very nice and friendly. She is kind and compassionate. Also Night Shine is competitive in that she wants to compete with her friends with either magical or flying endeavors. Night is also very stubborn when facing something she does not approve but not unreasonable.
Likes: the night, magic, flying, testing herself
Dislikes: spending much time during the day, ponies that judge her based on her appearance, being made fun of
Fear: failure/failing.
Race: Alicorn
Magic: Telekinesis and basic unicorn spells; spell that increases wing span without increasing weight; spell that increases the endurance of her wings.
Bio: Night Shine was born in a house in Ponyville. The fact that she had both wings and a horn surprised even her parents. At a young age the fillies and colts stayed away from her because she was different and not in a good way. She looked intimidating with her dark colours and in addition with the fact that she was an Alicorn, a race that represented power and being above everypony else, made the others to isolate her.  Night gradually started spending time during the nights instead of the days, because she loved the peace and quiet that they offered. Soon enough she became entirely nocturnal.
      Having both magic and wings didn't help to develop either. Night Shine couldn't do spells or fly for a decent amount of time and slowly started to think she would never discover her talent. Then one night her sister, Moon Violet, brought her a book from the local library in an attempt to help her learn at least her magic. Not very optimistic about it, Night went through the different spells until she came across a very interesting piece of magic. The spell was apparently made by unicorns to help young pegasi to take their first steps in flying by expanding their wing span. The name was smudged but the instructions were readable. Night Shine decided to learn this spell no matter what it would take. So every night she went to an open plain and tried to performing the spell. Her first tries ended with utter failure. The magic did nothing more than a fuzz and an occasional poof. Having been fed up with her inability to do anything she continued to try every night. Step by step her magic progressed and started to form around her wings for a very short time. One night, after many tries and improvement, she decided to try it in the sky. Night Shine flapped her wings and took off with much greater ease than any of her previous attempts. This was true flying and it wasn't anything like  she had done before. She was so happy that she finally achieved something. During that initial flight something on her flank flashed. After she landed next to her sister who was watching her flying and in that moment they saw Night's cutie mark. It was a shining star with two wings coming out of it. Moon said that Night looked just like that when the cutie mark appeared in her flight. From then Night Shine started to look for similar spells in the books that her sister gets from the local library and also to discover new ways of combining her flight and magical abilities.  That first spell became her signature.
     Today Night Shine part time jobs that are mostly during the nights. After becoming of age, she moved with her sister to a house just outside of Ponyville. She has few but very close friends that she met during her midnight flights and magic castings. Each night she strives to become even better and to improve her current skills. Sometimes she competes against unicorns and pegasus alike to know how far she has progressed. Since she started being nocturnal, most ponies forgot  her. In the rare cases where she needed to visit Ponyville during the day she wears a hooded cloak that hides her wings and horn. Night wishes one day (night) to become Princess Luna's personal student. That dream came after discovering how much she and Luna have in common and that the local librarian, Twilight Sparkle, was Princess Celestia's personal student.
Picture:
Spoiler: show


Spoiler: By Ninny Daft • show

Spoiler: By Star Striker • show

Spoiler: By Julius • show

Spoiler: By DANMAKUMAN • show

Spoiler: By Sabrina • show

Spoiler: By CrabApple • show

Spoiler: Bakasan94 • show


Name: Moon Violet
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Race: Unicorn
Personality: Like her sister Moon likes the night. She is kind, generous but dislike when somepony picks a flower from the garden without asking her. She is extremely loyal to her family especially her sister. They have always taken care for each other. Despite being the younger sibling she is more social than Night.
Likes: the night, flowers, spending time with her family.
Dislikes: anything that can ruin her garden, mean ponies.
Fear: something bad happening to her sister.
Magic: Telekinesis and some basic unicorn spells. Moon can levitate multiple things at once.
Bio: Moon Violet is Night Shine's sister who was born a year later. When they were little, Moon was one of the few friends Night had and she often spend the nights with her, making her company, doing stuff together or just laying on their back staring at the night sky.
      One night while they were walking around they noticed a flower on the ground. Moon really liked it, it was special somehow in some way. It was a little violet. They took it and planted it in the yard of the house. When she could, Moon went and water the plant and often she sat next to it and just stare at it for hours. One time while she was returning home she noticed something on her flank. There was a moon with a violet in it. It was then she realized how deep her love for flowers really is. She started collecting flowers and planting them around where the violet was, creating a garden.
      Today Moon Violet lives with Night Shine after moving with her. The garden was moved from the little yard to a more open plain so she could continue to expand it. Her flower collection has grown very large and it is filled with all sorts of flowers, from common to rare. Moon is constantly looking for new ones to add to her garden. She often asks Night to help her with the search but sometimes she likes to look alone enjoying the calm and beautiful night. Moon spends more time during day hours than her sister so she can tend her garden and  to run errands in Ponyville. She has a part time job in one of the flower shops. Moon Violet's dream is to make the biggest and most beautiful garden in all of Equestria.
Pictures:
Spoiler: show

Spoiler: By Beetus • show

Spoiler: By Bakasan • show



Spoiler: By Misty • show

Spoiler: By Thunder Heart  • show

Spoiler: By Kat • show

Spoiler: By Eivuiee  • show

Spoiler: By GlassMirror • show

Spoiler: By Sugarcup • show


Together
Spoiler: By Midnight Star • show

Spoiler: By I like lobsters • show

Spoiler: By Fudgemuffin • show

Spoiler: By Ethereal Nebula • show

Spoiler: By Jenzy • show

Spoiler: By Itty Bit • show

Spoiler: Rainbow June • show

Spoiler: By Ba2sai • show


Group
Spoiler: By Cutiebone • show

Spoiler: By Julius and Jenzy • show

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Rumor


Night Pony

Quote from: Rumor on 2012 Jun 01, 05:57:13
Pretty cool OCs.. :0


I'm happy you think so,Rumor.  ^-^

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Rumor

2012 Jun 01, 06:23:14 #3 Last Edit: 2012 Jun 01, 06:26:49 by Rumor
Quote from: Night Pony on 2012 Jun 01, 06:17:27
Quote from: Rumor on 2012 Jun 01, 05:57:13
Pretty cool OCs.. :0


I'm happy you think so,Rumor.  ^-^
You've inspirated me to make an alicorn OC, but don't worry. I know not to make them powerful. :D

Night Pony

Quote from: Rumor on 2012 Jun 01, 06:23:14
Quote from: Night Pony on 2012 Jun 01, 06:17:27
Quote from: Rumor on 2012 Jun 01, 05:57:13
Pretty cool OCs.. :0


I'm happy you think so,Rumor.  ^-^
You've inspirated me to make an alicorn OC, but don't worry. I know not to make them powerful. :D


It's far too easy to make the all-powerful.And with Cadance we know that not every Alicorn is powerful.So i wish you good luck.

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Rumor

Quote from: Night Pony on 2012 Jun 01, 06:28:43
Quote from: Rumor on 2012 Jun 01, 06:23:14
Quote from: Night Pony on 2012 Jun 01, 06:17:27
Quote from: Rumor on 2012 Jun 01, 05:57:13
Pretty cool OCs.. :0
You've inspirated me to make an alicorn OC, but don't worry. I know not to make them powerful. :D




I'm happy you think so,Rumor.  ^-^

It's far too easy to make the all-powerful.And with Cadance we know that not every Alicorn is powerful.So i wish you good luck.
Thanks! I'll need it. :P

Trixie


Sponk

I have a starpony. Not a night pony. lol
Blah blah blah.

Night Pony

2012 Jul 26, 14:45:55 #8 Last Edit: 2012 Sep 06, 16:04:43 by Night Pony
Quote from: Sponk on 2012 Jun 29, 15:45:28
I have a starpony. Not a night pony. lol


It's still night themed.  :)

Quote from: Trixie on 2012 Jun 29, 15:40:31
Humm... Not bad  :/


Thanks.   >:/

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Kaala

Very nice OC :D Or OCs in this case :]

Night Pony

Quote from: Kaala on 2013 Feb 21, 18:01:23
Very nice OC :D Or OCs in this case :]


Thanks!  ^-^ I like your O.c. as well.:D


Added a new category Magic about what their magic can do and also spells. It's still in development, it will expanded upon when I think of something or the shows a spell that I like.

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Legion495

Hmmmm very difficult what should I answer to make a cool reply.
I have an IDEA:

Spoiler: show
THIS IS AWESOME
http://www.bilderhoster.net/6zjklthl.png.html][IMG]http://www.bilderhoster.net/thumbs/6zjklthl.png[/img][/URL]
9 of 10 voices in my mind say I'm crazy. The tenth hums the melody of Tetris.

Night Pony

Quote from: Legion495 on 2013 Feb 25, 15:07:18
Hmmmm very difficult what should I answer to make a cool reply.
I have an IDEA:

Spoiler: show
THIS IS AWESOME



I like your reply.  :3

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

GoldenTerrabyte

I like these! And they're cute too! Feel free to see mine!
I'm back

Night Pony

Quote from: Yellowpikmin476 on 2013 Sep 25, 16:06:26
I like these! And they're cute too! Feel free to see mine!


Woah this got a bumps up.  o.O Didn't expect that. thanks!  ^-^
I will tomorrow since you have several OCs.

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

GoldenTerrabyte

My pleasure. Not saying anything about the OCs when you look is like visiting someone's house and staying silent the whole time!
I'm back

Gracie Sky

Before I critique these characters, I need to point out that you will need to slightly proofread your work. Among other things, you can't "practise" anything.

The most possibly controversial issue with Night Shine is the fact that she was born an Alicorn for no particular reason, stated or not stated. You keep her heritage limited to being born in a house outside Ponyville, which leads me to believe you really haven't though about giving a reason as to why she is an Alicorn, despite this being an extremely abnormal event, considering how many Alicorns in Equestria there are. It sounds like you're saying she was just born that way. I do find it to be a big matter, since Alicorns are so rare and revered. You should really develop her heritage, or reveal more of it if you already developed her heritage. Your reader needs to believe that she is not a better pony simply because she is favored by the author.

Speaking of being born and heritage, I find her name to be convenient. Her name is clearly night themed, which makes me ask why her parents would give her a night themed name. Did they expect her to be an expert on the night or were they Luna fans themselves? It would help establish her relation to the night and offer insight as to why she would be given a strangely specific name if you stated a sentence or two about her heritage.

You say she is teased because she is an Alicorn, but I highly doubt that considering pony hierarchy. I would sooner believe she is feared, because being teased is an indication that normal ponies do not like Alicorns, which is a preposterous claim since everypony loves their monarch, Princess Celestia.

I also see an issue with her cutie mark discovery; there is no discovery. One common variable for the time when most ponies discover their special meaning in life: they were successful in doing something they never did before or successfully doing something they normally do in an abnormal/special way. It appears Night Shine randomly discovered hers while practicing using flying and magic at the same time, but nothing out of the ordinary. It would be more meaningful if her cutie mark was the result of something important... or at least important enough to give a few sentences of detail on.

Lastly, you bring up a subject I am unfamiliar with. Something you call Nightmares attacking Ponyville and Luna going there to defend it, in which Night Shine went to Ponyville in hopes of seeing her. I don't know what this Nightmare you speak of or where it came from. I get the feeling this event happened in an RP, but it doesn't really have any significance here.

---

Now Moon Violet also has a convenient name, if not even more convenient name than Night Shine. Still, you can use the same explanation you give to Night Shine (if you decide to), since they are sisters.

Unlike her sister, Moon Violet has a good reason for her cutie mark, her discovery of her love of flowers (despite it being highly predictable based off her name). You go into a lot of nice detail about how she pursues her passion and it's much easier for me as a reader to relate with her. She also is highly dependent on her sister from what I can tell. This dependency gives her more room to develop.

That's basically all I can say about her, since the amount of material on her is substantially shorter. I can tell you her special ability is more applicable than her sister's. The ability to... fly and use magic at the same time seems to be... weak for a talent. Sounds more like being able to multi-task... which WOULD be a good talent, though. Either you need to be a bit more specific with exactly what she is good at, or change it to something that can be considered a talent... if you want, that is.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

Night Pony

2013 Nov 12, 06:39:07 #17 Last Edit: 2013 Nov 12, 08:36:36 by Night Pony
My vocabulary isn't very substantial and I have a hard time picking and writing correctly some words. I'll go through it again.

I purposely left out parents and heritage because it is not revealed how a pony is born alicorn (alicorn mother? random genetics? etc.). I made her an Alicorn because I wanted to make her a hybrid of sorts. If you played some MMOs there's a class that uses one handed sword and magic, hence Night would use flying and magic. I much prefer to have her born as an Alicorn rather than one of the three main races then doing some big feat, getting related with cannon characters such as the Celestia, Luna, Twilight and etc. 

Neither Night or her parents (though parents aren't well developed) are night experts but they have dark colours that are associated with the night sky. Many ponies have names based off their CM such as Applejack, Twilight Sparkle (her CM is sparkles), Scootaloo, and Diamond Tiara (there are probably others though). Also they aren't Luna's fans because there was only Nightmare Moon before Night was born (and some time after) and we both know that everypony regarded it as a mare's tail.

Will make changes on the alicorn likeness.

Will tweak CM story.

That is an event that has happened in the comics and more specifically the one about Nightmare Rarity. The nightmare forces that transformed Luna in NMM took Rarity and she invaded Ponyville. Luna was in Ponyville before the invasion and during. Also the moon was brought awfully close to Ponyville to enable passage. Thought now that I think about it I may edit it out because it's not part of the backstory.

---

Heritage will be so far undetermined because there aren't details about natural born alicorns. But they decided to name her such because of her colours (again being dark) and her mane being curly like the flowers.

She was specifically made to fit into the MLP: FIM universe while Night was not.

I feel multi-tasking isn't a talent either. Rarity can multi-task which is part of her talent. The current Alicorns that are shown appear to be more magic focus while flying is something on the side for them, a plus. Night's talent (or at least how I want/envision) is enhancing her flying with her magic and the other way around.

Post Merge

Changed her C.M. story and her initial reason to become nocturnal though grammar and structure of the text may still be iffy.

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Night Pony


I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

GlassMirror


Go Up