My OC

[blackhawk]

Name: Black Hawk
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Personality: Black Hawk mostly is nice, sweet, kind and sometimes romantic lover, he never leaves anypony left behind, he always is right there and the right place and the right time, B.Hawk comes from Cloudsdale where he was born and started his school time, and of course like everywhere else he was bullied at school like everypony else, his reason to be bullied was his rare disease of abnormal big wing span, but he never was sad neither mad he always smiled.
Likes: Night flights, high speed flight, helping other ponies, pushing himself over limits, ice cream, making all kinds of meals and experimenting while cooking and being careful.
Occupation: Retired from EAF "Equestria Air Force".
Dislikes: Rumors, insults, rude ponies, hot temperature, ponies that judges and talks behind back and sunlight.
Fear: Breaking wings, being abandoned.
Race: Pegasus.
Skin color: Dark Grey
Eye color: Dark Red
Mane/Tail color: Silk White
Property: Two floor house in Canterlot
Skills: Dexterity during high over speed, accuracy.
Long term goal: Helping other ponies
Biography: Black Hawk started his journey a long time ago in Cloudsdale the place where he was born,
but something was different about Hawk, his wings being young born, doctors noticed that
Hawk has rare phenomenon of abnormal big wing span for body size itself, as time passed and
Hawk grew bigger and got older his wing feathers started growing and grew slightly longer
that normal size, for other ponies at the school it was just a thing to bully Hawk having
abnormal size wings, it was going on and on until one day when Hawk felt depression of all
other pegasus bullying him, his grandfather taught him how to fly at young age, so Hawk's
flying skills for young colt was slightly advanced, the day when Hawk's patience exploded
he just shoot up in skies like a bolt vanishing in clouds, that day was a day when all
bully makers was all left with dropped jaws Hawk has made first thunder boom passing
school area heading home.
After that day Hawk was getting more attention in school not being bullied, but having
fans, because he showed and did what was impossible for young aged colt, even teachers
were Hawk's fans, because Hawk was only one so far who shook entire school with loud
thunder boom as he approached sound barrier.
Time passed and Hawk grew more bigger, and he had finally found his dream to be
wonderbolt, at earlier time Hawk's first sound barrier approach had even reached
wonderbolt academy so he was taken into team without any questions, at academy Hawk started
his carrier as just flyer, three weeks later Hawk was promoted as "Side Wing" holding
silver wing medal in all training, until first race where Hawk arrived to finish line 5.3 seconds earlier, since that race Hawk was picked as academy's
best flyer, at that time Hawk earned "Lead Wing" golden medal.
Time passed and Hawk continued his journey in wonderbolts academy until he reached full
grown stallion age and decided to leave academy and work out on personal life, he was
literally living in academy, and as soon as Hawk announced his decision to leave academy,
that was a time, when he earned "Legendary Wonderbolt" status and medal, so as academy
staff worked out and made for Hawk a tattoo, and as all papers was finally ready Hawk head
home with all his 48 golden trophies and 60 golden medals, as memory of academy and his
journey beginning pictures of Hawk and his wonderbolt friends.
Family Status: Single

[-ReiMar-]

There is one point with awesomeness after which it starts to sound ridiculous. ^ ^'' Still, I managed to imagine it as a slideshow in my head and it looks nice) Other forum residents might give some adequate critique, just take it and make your character even better)) ^ ^

[blackhawk]

There is one point with awesomeness after which it starts to sound ridiculous. ^ ^'' Still, I managed to imagine it as a slideshow in my head and it looks nice) Other forum residents might give some adequate critique, just take it and make your character even better)) ^ ^

No problems, if they don't like it I'll just remove the lines or replace them as for now it is done.

[-ReiMar-]

There is one point with awesomeness after which it starts to sound ridiculous. ^ ^'' Still, I managed to imagine it as a slideshow in my head and it looks nice) Other forum residents might give some adequate critique, just take it and make your character even better)) ^ ^

No problems, if they don't like it I'll just remove the lines or replace them as for now it is done.

Great)) ^^
Also, I remember ya from the chat))

[blackhawk]

There is one point with awesomeness after which it starts to sound ridiculous. ^ ^'' Still, I managed to imagine it as a slideshow in my head and it looks nice) Other forum residents might give some adequate critique, just take it and make your character even better)) ^ ^

No problems, if they don't like it I'll just remove the lines or replace them as for now it is done.

Great)) ^^
Also, I remember ya from the chat))

I remember you too from chat, nice and kind person must admit

[hazardtime]

I like the character design and coloration, but I feel the back story could use some work.  Without any noticeable character faults, Black Hawk comes off as a sort of Mary Sue, especially with how you insinuated that he was able to pull off a sonic rainboom.  Just rework the story a little bit and add some trade-offs, and that's really all I have to say   

[GoldenTerrabyte]

I think it's good, so far it has potential, not one of those really cliche OCs that are insane or whatever, look strange, have overdramatic, dark, creepy bakcstories, etc. This is none of that, so I say it's good.

[blackhawk]

I like the character design and coloration, but I feel the back story could use some work.  Without any noticeable character faults, Black Hawk comes off as a sort of Mary Sue, especially with how you insinuated that he was able to pull off a sonic rainboom.  Just rework the story a little bit and add some trade-offs, and that's really all I have to say   

I will work on it as soon my mind and sense will start working normally.
Post Merge

I think it's good, so far it has potential, not one of those really cliche OCs that are insane or whatever, look strange, have overdramatic, dark, creepy bakcstories, etc. This is none of that, so I say it's good.

Thank you The story is still in process so I will keep updating it, not coloring it more brighter, just fixing some small/minor mistakes.
As so far thanks I really appreciate that.

[GoldenTerrabyte]

What the... I know this isn't about your OC, but you're obviously online and it says you aren't...?

[Night Pony]

What the... I know this isn't about your OC, but you're obviously online and it says you aren't...?

3 hidden...

[blackhawk]

What the... I know this isn't about your OC, but you're obviously online and it says you aren't...?

Forgot to add a line, you never see Black Hawk coming neither going, he's night pony and doesn't show outside during daylight that much.

[GoldenTerrabyte]

Also, it says he had "abnormal wing size", is that abnormally big or abnormally small?

[hazardtime]

Also, it says he had "abnormal wing size", is that abnormally big or abnormally small?

Abnormally large

[blackhawk]

Also, it says he had "abnormal wing size", is that abnormally big or abnormally small?

Abnormal big wing span

[Gracie Sky]

Is having a large wingspan actually considered a disease, or does he have a disease that is making his wings larger than normal as a result?

You also may want to proofread it or have somepony else proofread it. There are a hoofful of grammar errors and run on sentences. Nothing too major or such that would make it hard to read, but they're there.

I'm also a bit skeptical about how he got so fast. His wingspan alone is not really enough to validate him taking off from the ground like a rocket without prior training. Was he known for being fast or was he generally expected to win all the races he ever participated in? Having a nice resume like this would help establish exactly how he was good enough to be not only admitted into the Wonderbolts, but to excel to the top and earn more medals, trophies, and titles than he knew what to do with.

[hazardtime]

Is having a large wingspan actually considered a disease, or does he have a disease that is making his wings larger than normal as a result?

I think he was implying that it was a genetic disorder; a bit like Scootaloo, only the opposite.

[blackhawk]

Is having a large wingspan actually considered a disease, or does he have a disease that is making his wings larger than normal as a result?

You also may want to proofread it or have somepony else proofread it. There are a hoofful of grammar errors and run on sentences. Nothing too major or such that would make it hard to read, but they're there.

I'm also a bit skeptical about how he got so fast. His wingspan alone is not really enough to validate him taking off from the ground like a rocket without prior training. Was he known for being fast or was he generally expected to win all the races he ever participated in? Having a nice resume like this would help establish exactly how he was good enough to be not only admitted into the Wonderbolts, but to excel to the top and earn more medals, trophies, and titles than he knew what to do with.

Like I said it will be fixed in a while, it will just take a bit of time >.>
And keep in mind, my English typing might not be perfect, because I am not born in UK, neither U.S. >.>