Original Character Creation

[bananamustang]

After seeing a few things I figured maybe we could help each other with OC creation. This has nothing to do with the game and what I do for it, but I wouldn't mind helping some of those that either feel like they need or request help. The characters that would be created would be yours and also will be the same to the show ponies in terms of the type of special talent and their biography.

One thing I do want to bring up is with your special talent and your cutiemark is that they don't have to match, but what is really crazy is that you don't have to have their career focus on their special talent.

The main thing to remember is this: it is your creation so have fun with it.

I will go more into it later as time goes on if anypony wants help with their creation or even if you want to tweak your current character.

[Dragnmastralex]

I already have my OC pony Starry Night.
I have his full profile here...
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=278.msg4339#msg4339
it's as detailed as I could make him without actually writing a full fanfic on him.

[bananamustang]

I already have my OC pony Starry Night.
I have his full profile here...
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=278.msg4339#msg4339
it's as detailed as I could make him without actually writing a full fanfic on him.

Please remember what I am going to say is just some constructive criticism and just to suggest to you what you can do to make your character fit in with the My Little Pony world as if he was part of the show as best as possible. Also be able to fit in to some RPs out there where there might be skilled role players with strict rules.

That really is a lot of detail and a well thought out character. I am going to touch on sections that some could perceive as an issue or could either use a bit more detail or a tweak here and there.

Special Talent: magic that brings all forms of light and the study of all things pertaining to light. - This needs a bit of narrowing down. In what way does his magic bring forms of light? And how is "the study of all things pertaining to light" a talent? Talents are things that can be shown. "(he can actually form light based constructs similar to the Green Lantern's powers except they are not complicated)" seems more like a talent. It is specific to one area, but allows the character to grow with the talent and become more proficient at it as he progresses in life (i.e. Twilight Sparkles first time teleporting to when she last did it in the second season.)

Occupation: This is good, but can possibly be a bit more in depth. Canterlot Magic Research and Development says to some he is into all types of magic, but can be confusing because his special talent deals with light magic. You can always have him working with the Royal Equestrian Magicians and their section or department of magical studies. Some say science and magic can go hand in hand as well.

Known Relatives: This is where some serious RP rooms might have some issues. There are at least 4 rooms that I have visited that have rules against an OC being related to (by blood or marriage) any of the shows characters. Why is that? Because then it creates some out of character tension that you might not see. "Who does this pony think they are? How is it that their OC is related to the mane 6? Do they think they are special?" Plus it restrictions some things that you can do since now you are in a place where the show's characters frequent and it would be expected that you see them on a regular basis. Plus if the show is to say that twilight has no cousins then your character is ruined.

Cutie mark: I am no artist, but I have been told that I have a good eye for it. That is a cool cutie mark. That is all.

Bio: This is pretty good, but I would steer away from mentioning any of the shows characters just in case it might not work with the show for some strange reason. The event involving Twilight shouldn't be included or exist because it is creating a major traumatic event in her life that isn't cannon to the show. Also in the picture she has her cutie mark which says she already had a fair amount of magic ability at the time. It might not have been strong, but it was there and the spell of a lasso seems possibly simple enough or a family member could have picked her up or even made a section for her.

Additional Info: Try to avoid saying things that would put any other character down in terms of their abilities. Remember that the show dictates a lot of what our characters say and do and even their past. Twilight has a lot of magic ability but she has spent all her life studying and didn't have friends because of it. To say he is more intelligent is an insulting way of saying it. You can say that he learns things through practical means. Rather than reading books he experiments and attempts to develop new spells through those experiments. I say "attempts to" because you can't be 100% successful. Don't forget Twilight also does that to an extent (Spike has said "Never seen that spell before.")

Overall: As I have said before this is a full bodied and well thought out character. Please don't take anything I said personally as it is just opinions and criticism to help you with a few things so your character can be used universally in other RP chats or forums as well as have something that fits more in line with the show.

[Dragnmastralex]

I really don't role play and most that don't even accept the character especially... If Hasbro can pull a sibling out of no where for Twilight I don't' see why I couldn't do a cousin .

when it comes to his talent think of it like this he can make anything he wants out of light that doesn't have moving parts, chemicals, or living things... so like he can make a chair out of light or something solid and simple I gave green lantern as a reference for it because it's pretty much the same thing however most green lanterns can make guns and complicated stuff which Starry can not.  the study of light is sort of a talent if you think of how Twilight studies magic and magic is her talent.

His occupation is developing new magic, cant' get much clearer than that. Inventing is his hobby, as a matter of fact if I was to write a fanfic I would have Pinkie Pie stealing his inventions like that helicopter she rode in the episode with Gilda or the welcome wagon she uses. I would also have him traveling to some place like Fillydelphia and have his bags stolen by none other than the scam artist Flim and Flam which had the plans for the super cyder squeezy 6000 which they built and used in their scams (before that they sold the rights to apple orchards they didn't own). again a difference between occupation and hobbies think of it like Pinkie Pie that works at Sugarcube Corner that makes a living selling baked goods and treats BUT she has the hobby of throwing parties and making ponies smile (one may help the other just like Starry's inventions help him descover new magic).

I like to think of him like Canterlot's Dr. Emmit L. Brown from back to the future when it comes to his mad genus of inventing and his personality or maybe the professor from the powerpuff girls.  He's a big Egghead with no social skills that loves to invent more than he does use magic but his magic helps to power his inventions and his magic allows him to make tools from light to build his inventions.

Twilight did have her cutie mark at the time Starry ran off and discovered his... she may have had the raw magic talent BUT no control over it as of yet it took her years to be able to learn to control her magic enough to do what she wanted... remember the episode where she told her cutie mark story how it didn't go exactly as she had planned and she had trouble stopping the magic.  The darkness in the area where the family went to search was so dark you couldn't see your hoof in front of your face it was in the other side of the forest near the mountains where screams would echo so you couldn't pin point by sound... see the part of the bio where I said that Constellation said to link their horns using magic so they wouldn't get lost?  Twilight tried but wasn't ready to actually call her powers up to do it and by the time she did everypony was out of range and she was lost in the darkness.

The show even says that Twilight isn't that street smart I mean she looks up EVERYTHING in books for referance and doesn't know things without researching them first like the info on the ursa major/minor, the elements of harmony, starswirl the bearded's time travel spell, there is a BUNCH of magic she has to look up she didn't even know the cure for cutie pox and it was in her own library. She has talent NOT knowledge. her skills are better than Starry only because she practices her magic more while Starry studies it more and develops new magic on theories and not practice.

I have thought of most of the things you have but I explain them out. It's the reason why I didn't put him in Ponyville because he wouldn't make sense as a magical researcher and inventor in a place like Ponyville where life is simple and there is no real need for his services.

[Azure Dusk]

I'll have to give you my character for feedback once I'm done with him.

[Rissian]

I have one OC I've been wanting to get some criticism on, I think I made his profile a bit too corny or underdeveloped, tends to happen a lot when I make fan characters. 

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1776.msg104389#msg104389

(Will likely be used in roleplays and fanfiction if I get them developed enough.)

[bananamustang]

I have one OC I've been wanting to get some criticism on, I think I made his profile a bit too corny or underdeveloped, tends to happen a lot when I make fan characters. 

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1776.msg104389#msg104389

(Will likely be used in roleplays and fanfiction if I get them developed enough.)

To be honest I like the names that I see around a lot because they do seem very much so that they can match the show.

Not sure if you mean both so I will do both.

Cobalt Cloud: Starting with his special talent because everything else seems pretty good. Some rooms won't need that much in the description since you have a pictures, but who said too much information is a bad thing?

Special Talent : Protecting Travelers from dangerous creatures of the forest, and maintaining what little is left of his armor. - This is more like his task and only happens when a pony gets too close. Remember that the occupation and the special talent doesn't have to match. Rarity is the best example of this. Her talent is gem finding magic, but her occupation is making dresses. He is an earth pony living in Everfree Forest so that actually opens the door for a lot of things. Especially story related items. Since he maintains his armor (or what is left) he could have the special talent of a blacksmith and for various reasons decided to move out into the Everfree Forest. There can also be that since he is protecting travelers he could have a survival based talent. Foraging, tracking, stalking or even trekking (or some sort of navigational talent to move around places such as using the stars with minimal effort for navigating the woods).

Bio: OK, there is one slight contradiction here, but it is nice overall. It shows his conflict and at the same time shows that he still is undertaking his task.  The contradiction lies with this:

"he may downright rudely refuse to talk about his past"

"Courtesy"
"The showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others."

If you are truly courteous you would politely refuse or just not say anything at all. However, this could also work out since you did say he tries to live up to the values. So when it comes to RP you have to be careful on how you portray that. You have a strong possibility for inner conflict if he is rude too much and that could stray the character from what you originally meant for him to be. However, inner conflict, if done right (i.e. post traumatic stress disorder with right reasons

Spoiler: show

lose of a loved one or watching parents die while helping ponies out of forest

) can also lead to interesting RP stories and situations as long as they aren't overdone.

His favorite spot to eat is fairly public so be careful with that one. He is a knight defending and helping ponies in he forest which means he is secluded and possibly wouldn't want to be around too many ponies or be bothered too much by others. 

The good thing is that this character has a lot on his plate with his past. The bad thing is that this character has a lot on his plate with his past. The possibilities of playing him easily could be pretty low. Sure he can seem social, but the moment somepony asks the wrong thing it ruins it for the others. Personally I like playing complex inner conflicted characters because it presents a challenge.

Even though I hit the bio the most the only major issue I see is with the special talent. Anypony can protect another pony so there has to be something specific that he can do that stands out.

Spring Melody:

I can only help you out as to ideas. I won't give you the full deal because it means more when you create your own OC.

Now you said in Cobalt's bio that Spring was one of the few ponies that knows of his past. So you can have a story with her getting lost in the forest a few times and meeting.

Special Talent: Musical magic can work, but you just need to narrow it down. The name makes me think of wind instruments.

Occupation goes with the same thing. you just need to narrow it down as to what type of instrument. Unless she uses the magic itself as an instrument to create soothing synth sounds.

The bio can really be played out with her living in Ponyville and getting lost in the forest a few times. Meeting Cobalt and going out to see him (albeit against his wishes) when she got the understanding of the forest enough to find his house.

To be honest you have a pretty good chance for an alpha and omega here. He would get upset and she could quell him. I have seen it before and if you were to log in to an irc (or forum) and have the two separate personalities down pretty good where no one knows that you are both characters (to be honest I feel that is when you are doing something right).

If you are truly stumped go into a general MLP RP room and just have the character interact with others. Nothing with major story and you could build from there. Cobalt is about ready to be used in my opinion.

[Azure Dusk]

Can you take a look at mine?

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.msg91728#msg91728

[Rissian]

First, thanks for the criticism bananamustang it really helps a lot most places I posted fancharacters in didn't provide much critiscm so I couldn't figure out what needs to be improved on I did lack a few things in his description which I couldn't think of at the time, anyways after reading a long thought out guide a few months ago about how to avoid mary sue/stu syndrome I've been trying to make sure the characters I'm working on have noticeable
flaws, Cobalts being that he sometimes gets angry when people pry into his past because of what happened to his parents which I haven't thought of an event for yet as I'm worried if a tragic past can fit into the MLP universe without having problems the reason he eats at ponyville cafe is while he does live in the forest hes only slightly antisocial and visits the town now and then when he needs supplies and or normal food, considering I don't think theres any food in everfree aside from zap apples which only bloom once a year, I also forgot to note that he was born in everfree forest because thats where his parents lived, and hes still in the same house even after the event that happened to them.

I'll probably work on his special talent some and just make one of his minor skills repairing armor but he can only repair it and I'll probably make his special talent something else though it comes in question if I have to get a different cutie mark for him since that relates to their talent.

I also wasn't sure where I was going with Spring Melody yet I still haven't decided what instrument she uses and I'm thinking of making her magic music come from enchanted music scrolls that she either enchants herself or gets them from various ponies who don't know how to use them. (Mainly Pagasus or Earth Ponies who can't use in depth magic to begin with.)

[Mr.Darkling]

I like what you're doing here banana.
Nice to see sound advice and suggestions for how people go about creating OCs.

[bananamustang]

First, thanks for the criticism bananamustang it really helps a lot most places I posted fancharacters in didn't provide much critiscm so I couldn't figure out what needs to be improved on I did lack a few things in his description which I couldn't think of at the time, anyways after reading a long thought out guide a few months ago about how to avoid mary sue/stu syndrome I've been trying to make sure the characters I'm working on have noticeable
flaws, Cobalts being that he sometimes gets angry when people pry into his past because of what happened to his parents which I haven't thought of an event for yet as I'm worried if a tragic past can fit into the MLP universe without having problems the reason he eats at ponyville cafe is while he does live in the forest hes only slightly antisocial and visits the town now and then when he needs supplies and or normal food, considering I don't think theres any food in everfree aside from zap apples which only bloom once a year, I also forgot to note that he was born in everfree forest because thats where his parents lived, and hes still in the same house even after the event that happened to them.

I'll probably work on his special talent some and just make one of his minor skills repairing armor but he can only repair it and I'll probably make his special talent something else though it comes in question if I have to get a different cutie mark for him since that relates to their talent.

I also wasn't sure where I was going with Spring Melody yet I still haven't decided what instrument she uses and I'm thinking of making her magic music come from enchanted music scrolls that she either enchants herself or gets them from various ponies who don't know how to use them. (Mainly Pagasus or Earth Ponies who can't use in depth magic to begin with.)

I just thought of something when you said scrolls: you know how a music box works? With the nubs that hit the metal sticks (I don't know nomenclature).

[Rissian]

I just thought of something when you said scrolls: you know how a music box works? With the nubs that hit the metal sticks (I don't know nomenclature).

Yeah kind of after reading this. http://www.musicboxattic.com/leabmubo.html ;

Just from the criticism alone I've got an intro story planned already and more of Cobalts past figured out and possible events for Spring Melody
I think I can finish Cobalt now and get Spring's story and background set up and pick an instrument for her.

(I'll probably post a fanfiction on the forums eventually when I get the time to write it.)

[bananamustang]

I just thought of something when you said scrolls: you know how a music box works? With the nubs that hit the metal sticks (I don't know nomenclature).

Yeah kind of after reading this. http://www.musicboxattic.com/leabmubo.html ;

Just from the criticism alone I've got an intro story planned already and more of Cobalts past figured out and possible events for Spring Melody
I think I can finish Cobalt now and get Spring's story and background set up and pick an instrument for her.

(I'll probably post a fanfiction on the forums eventually when I get the time to write it.)

[bananamustang]

Can you take a look at mine?

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.msg91728#msg91728

Great work!

Special talent is something that someone can grow in learning which you mentioned as well plus there is a possibility that a talent like that is needed and also exists in the show since there is armor.

Cutie mark is very cool looking and has that from the show feel.

History aside from some grammar errors and improper word usage this is done really well. I'm not going to hit on the errors because we all do it and sometimes not realize it until someone else proof reads it.

The use of the rank and unit names is really good my issue is that he is a petty officer 2nd class and in the REAG. Petty officer is a rank for the navy and coast guard. Look into the air force to get the proper rank. I tend to use a touch of realism when I RP with my military character because I know how it works and want to keep it as believable as possible.

I like how you didn't put your character in the fray of the action with major events of the show and gave him some sort of conflict in his life.

This is a nicely put together profile and a well rounded character. If you are planning to RP I wouldn't mind seeing this character around and reading his tales.

[bananamustang]

I am seeing some really good characters that have few things that would be issues in an RP and also some good characters that could play out really well in a carefully planned out fanfic. Please, I encourage any others to show me what they have. I don't mind helping out here and there if I can. As of now I am taking a break from working on the game and need to keep my mind moving while I finish up my school. So this is helping everypony out!

[Dragnmastralex]

let's face it when it comes to Role Play most things won't fit unless you play already cannon characters and there are a lot of boundaries you can not cross even if you make it all original ponies because of the limits someone has are always higher than anyone's imagination will allow... consider if you went back in time and tried to role play out say... the wedding finale back when season 2 started they would say it wasn't allowed and wouldn't fit in the MLP world... yet it was an episode made but the limits would have said "Celestia doesn't have a niece, Twilight doesn't have a brother, and there is no such creature as a changing that can take anyone's form. So you can't do that stuff."  That's why I don't role play I just made my pony as my OC character to represent me I add a story that I think would fit the MLP universe and I don't care what others think about it because its NOT a crossover and I don't go into ridiculous situations that couldn't fit into the MLP world.

[Azure Dusk]

Bananamustang, could you please give me some feedback on my OC? Thank you

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.0

[bananamustang]

let's face it when it comes to Role Play most things won't fit unless you play already cannon characters and there are a lot of boundaries you can not cross even if you make it all original ponies because of the limits someone has are always higher than anyone's imagination will allow... consider if you went back in time and tried to role play out say... the wedding finale back when season 2 started they would say it wasn't allowed and wouldn't fit in the MLP world... yet it was an episode made but the limits would have said "Celestia doesn't have a niece, Twilight doesn't have a brother, and there is no such creature as a changing that can take anyone's form. So you can't do that stuff."  That's why I don't role play I just made my pony as my OC character to represent me I add a story that I think would fit the MLP universe and I don't care what others think about it because its NOT a crossover and I don't go into ridiculous situations that couldn't fit into the MLP world.

I understand what you are saying with that, but keep in mind that there are various forums/chats out there that have rules that work so that you really don't interfere with the cast at all.

[bananamustang]

Bananamustang, could you please give me some feedback on my OC? Thank you

http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.0

Unless you clicked twice or something I already did Azure. Check the first page. 

[Azure Dusk]

Oops! Sorry, didn't see that.

Great work!

The use of the rank and unit names is really good my issue is that he is a petty officer 2nd class and in the REAG. Petty officer is a rank for the navy and coast guard. Look into the air force to get the proper rank. I tend to use a touch of realism when I RP with my military character because I know how it works and want to keep it as believable as possible.

Thanks for the feedback. The reason I made him a PO2 despite being in the Air Guard, was because I was a PO2 in the USNSCC, so I wanted to try and keep that as a sorta homage to that time in my life. That, and I'm really not that good at coming up with rank names. I'll try to come up with some at another time.