After seeing a few things I figured maybe we could help each other with OC creation. This has nothing to do with the game and what I do for it, but I wouldn't mind helping some of those that either feel like they need or request help. The characters that would be created would be yours and also will be the same to the show ponies in terms of the type of special talent and their biography.
One thing I do want to bring up is with your special talent and your cutiemark is that they don't have to match, but what is really crazy is that you don't have to have their career focus on their special talent.
The main thing to remember is this: it is your creation so have fun with it.
I will go more into it later as time goes on if anypony wants help with their creation or even if you want to tweak your current character.
I already have my OC pony Starry Night.
I have his full profile here...
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=278.msg4339#msg4339
it's as detailed as I could make him without actually writing a full fanfic on him.
Quote from: Dragnmastralex on 2012 May 16, 08:50:34
I already have my OC pony Starry Night.
I have his full profile here...
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=278.msg4339#msg4339
it's as detailed as I could make him without actually writing a full fanfic on him.
Please remember what I am going to say is just some constructive criticism and just to suggest to you what you can do to make your character fit in with the My Little Pony world as if he was part of the show as best as possible. Also be able to fit in to some RPs out there where there might be skilled role players with strict rules.
That really is a lot of detail and a well thought out character. I am going to touch on sections that some could perceive as an issue or could either use a bit more detail or a tweak here and there.
Special Talent: magic that brings all forms of light and the study of all things pertaining to light. - This needs a bit of narrowing down. In what way does his magic bring forms of light? And how is "the study of all things pertaining to light" a talent? Talents are things that can be shown. "(he can actually form light based constructs similar to the Green Lantern's powers except they are not complicated)" seems more like a talent. It is specific to one area, but allows the character to grow with the talent and become more proficient at it as he progresses in life (i.e. Twilight Sparkles first time teleporting to when she last did it in the second season.)
Occupation: This is good, but can possibly be a bit more in depth. Canterlot Magic Research and Development says to some he is into all types of magic, but can be confusing because his special talent deals with light magic. You can always have him working with the Royal Equestrian Magicians and their section or department of magical studies. Some say science and magic can go hand in hand as well.
Known Relatives: This is where some serious RP rooms might have some issues. There are at least 4 rooms that I have visited that have rules against an OC being related to (by blood or marriage) any of the shows characters. Why is that? Because then it creates some out of character tension that you might not see. "Who does this pony think they are? How is it that their OC is related to the mane 6? Do they think they are special?" Plus it restrictions some things that you can do since now you are in a place where the show's characters frequent and it would be expected that you see them on a regular basis. Plus if the show is to say that twilight has no cousins then your character is ruined.
Cutie mark: I am no artist, but I have been told that I have a good eye for it. That is a cool cutie mark. That is all.
Bio: This is pretty good, but I would steer away from mentioning any of the shows characters just in case it might not work with the show for some strange reason. The event involving Twilight shouldn't be included or exist because it is creating a major traumatic event in her life that isn't cannon to the show. Also in the picture she has her cutie mark which says she already had a fair amount of magic ability at the time. It might not have been strong, but it was there and the spell of a lasso seems possibly simple enough or a family member could have picked her up or even made a section for her.
Additional Info: Try to avoid saying things that would put any other character down in terms of their abilities. Remember that the show dictates a lot of what our characters say and do and even their past. Twilight has a lot of magic ability but she has spent all her life studying and didn't have friends because of it. To say he is more intelligent is an insulting way of saying it. You can say that he learns things through practical means. Rather than reading books he experiments and attempts to develop new spells through those experiments. I say "attempts to" because you can't be 100% successful. Don't forget Twilight also does that to an extent (Spike has said "Never seen that spell before.")
Overall: As I have said before this is a full bodied and well thought out character. Please don't take anything I said personally as it is just opinions and criticism to help you with a few things so your character can be used universally in other RP chats or forums as well as have something that fits more in line with the show.
lol I really don't role play and most that don't even accept the character especially... If Hasbro can pull a sibling out of no where for Twilight I don't' see why I couldn't do a cousin lol.
when it comes to his talent think of it like this he can make anything he wants out of light that doesn't have moving parts, chemicals, or living things... so like he can make a chair out of light or something solid and simple I gave green lantern as a reference for it because it's pretty much the same thing however most green lanterns can make guns and complicated stuff which Starry can not. the study of light is sort of a talent if you think of how Twilight studies magic and magic is her talent.
His occupation is developing new magic, cant' get much clearer than that. Inventing is his hobby, as a matter of fact if I was to write a fanfic I would have Pinkie Pie stealing his inventions like that helicopter she rode in the episode with Gilda or the welcome wagon she uses. I would also have him traveling to some place like Fillydelphia and have his bags stolen by none other than the scam artist Flim and Flam which had the plans for the super cyder squeezy 6000 which they built and used in their scams (before that they sold the rights to apple orchards they didn't own). again a difference between occupation and hobbies think of it like Pinkie Pie that works at Sugarcube Corner that makes a living selling baked goods and treats BUT she has the hobby of throwing parties and making ponies smile (one may help the other just like Starry's inventions help him descover new magic).
I like to think of him like Canterlot's Dr. Emmit L. Brown from back to the future when it comes to his mad genus of inventing and his personality or maybe the professor from the powerpuff girls. He's a big Egghead with no social skills that loves to invent more than he does use magic but his magic helps to power his inventions and his magic allows him to make tools from light to build his inventions.
Twilight did have her cutie mark at the time Starry ran off and discovered his... she may have had the raw magic talent BUT no control over it as of yet it took her years to be able to learn to control her magic enough to do what she wanted... remember the episode where she told her cutie mark story how it didn't go exactly as she had planned and she had trouble stopping the magic. The darkness in the area where the family went to search was so dark you couldn't see your hoof in front of your face it was in the other side of the forest near the mountains where screams would echo so you couldn't pin point by sound... see the part of the bio where I said that Constellation said to link their horns using magic so they wouldn't get lost? Twilight tried but wasn't ready to actually call her powers up to do it and by the time she did everypony was out of range and she was lost in the darkness.
The show even says that Twilight isn't that street smart I mean she looks up EVERYTHING in books for referance and doesn't know things without researching them first like the info on the ursa major/minor, the elements of harmony, starswirl the bearded's time travel spell, there is a BUNCH of magic she has to look up she didn't even know the cure for cutie pox and it was in her own library. She has talent NOT knowledge. her skills are better than Starry only because she practices her magic more while Starry studies it more and develops new magic on theories and not practice.
I have thought of most of the things you have but I explain them out. It's the reason why I didn't put him in Ponyville because he wouldn't make sense as a magical researcher and inventor in a place like Ponyville where life is simple and there is no real need for his services.
I'll have to give you my character for feedback once I'm done with him.
I have one OC I've been wanting to get some criticism on, I think I made his profile a bit too corny or underdeveloped, tends to happen a lot when I make fan characters. :c
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1776.msg104389#msg104389
(Will likely be used in roleplays and fanfiction if I get them developed enough.)
Quote from: Trege on 2012 May 16, 19:25:21
I have one OC I've been wanting to get some criticism on, I think I made his profile a bit too corny or underdeveloped, tends to happen a lot when I make fan characters. :c
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1776.msg104389#msg104389
(Will likely be used in roleplays and fanfiction if I get them developed enough.)
To be honest I like the names that I see around a lot because they do seem very much so that they can match the show.
Not sure if you mean both so I will do both.
Cobalt Cloud: Starting with his special talent because everything else seems pretty good. Some rooms won't need that much in the description since you have a pictures, but who said too much information is a bad thing?
Special Talent : Protecting Travelers from dangerous creatures of the forest, and maintaining what little is left of his armor. - This is more like his task and only happens when a pony gets too close. Remember that the occupation and the special talent doesn't have to match. Rarity is the best example of this. Her talent is gem finding magic, but her occupation is making dresses. He is an earth pony living in Everfree Forest so that actually opens the door for a lot of things. Especially story related items. Since he maintains his armor (or what is left) he could have the special talent of a blacksmith and for various reasons decided to move out into the Everfree Forest. There can also be that since he is protecting travelers he could have a survival based talent. Foraging, tracking, stalking or even trekking (or some sort of navigational talent to move around places such as using the stars with minimal effort for navigating the woods).
Bio: OK, there is one slight contradiction here, but it is nice overall. It shows his conflict and at the same time shows that he still is undertaking his task. The contradiction lies with this:
"he may downright rudely refuse to talk about his past"
"Courtesy"
"The showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others."
If you are truly courteous you would politely refuse or just not say anything at all. However, this could also work out since you did say he tries to live up to the values. So when it comes to RP you have to be careful on how you portray that. You have a strong possibility for inner conflict if he is rude too much and that could stray the character from what you originally meant for him to be. However, inner conflict, if done right (i.e. post traumatic stress disorder with right reasons
lose of a loved one or watching parents die while helping ponies out of forest
) can also lead to interesting RP stories and situations as long as they aren't overdone.
His favorite spot to eat is fairly public so be careful with that one. He is a knight defending and helping ponies in he forest which means he is secluded and possibly wouldn't want to be around too many ponies or be bothered too much by others.
The good thing is that this character has a lot on his plate with his past. The bad thing is that this character has a lot on his plate with his past. The possibilities of playing him easily could be pretty low. Sure he can seem social, but the moment somepony asks the wrong thing it ruins it for the others. Personally I like playing complex inner conflicted characters because it presents a challenge.
Even though I hit the bio the most the only major issue I see is with the special talent. Anypony can protect another pony so there has to be something specific that he can do that stands out.
Spring Melody:
I can only help you out as to ideas. I won't give you the full deal because it means more when you create your own OC.
Now you said in Cobalt's bio that Spring was one of the few ponies that knows of his past. So you can have a story with her getting lost in the forest a few times and meeting.
Special Talent: Musical magic can work, but you just need to narrow it down. The name makes me think of wind instruments.
Occupation goes with the same thing. you just need to narrow it down as to what type of instrument. Unless she uses the magic itself as an instrument to create soothing synth sounds.
The bio can really be played out with her living in Ponyville and getting lost in the forest a few times. Meeting Cobalt and going out to see him (albeit against his wishes) when she got the understanding of the forest enough to find his house.
To be honest you have a pretty good chance for an alpha and omega here. He would get upset and she could quell him. I have seen it before and if you were to log in to an irc (or forum) and have the two separate personalities down pretty good where no one knows that you are both characters (to be honest I feel that is when you are doing something right).
If you are truly stumped go into a general MLP RP room and just have the character interact with others. Nothing with major story and you could build from there. Cobalt is about ready to be used in my opinion.
Can you take a look at mine?
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.msg91728#msg91728 (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.msg91728#msg91728)
First, thanks for the criticism bananamustang it really helps a lot most places I posted fancharacters in didn't provide much critiscm so I couldn't figure out what needs to be improved on I did lack a few things in his description which I couldn't think of at the time, anyways after reading a long thought out guide a few months ago about how to avoid mary sue/stu syndrome I've been trying to make sure the characters I'm working on have noticeable
flaws, Cobalts being that he sometimes gets angry when people pry into his past because of what happened to his parents which I haven't thought of an event for yet as I'm worried if a tragic past can fit into the MLP universe without having problems the reason he eats at ponyville cafe is while he does live in the forest hes only slightly antisocial and visits the town now and then when he needs supplies and or normal food, considering I don't think theres any food in everfree aside from zap apples which only bloom once a year, I also forgot to note that he was born in everfree forest because thats where his parents lived, and hes still in the same house even after the event that happened to them.
I'll probably work on his special talent some and just make one of his minor skills repairing armor but he can only repair it and I'll probably make his special talent something else though it comes in question if I have to get a different cutie mark for him since that relates to their talent.
I also wasn't sure where I was going with Spring Melody yet I still haven't decided what instrument she uses and I'm thinking of making her magic music come from enchanted music scrolls that she either enchants herself or gets them from various ponies who don't know how to use them. (Mainly Pagasus or Earth Ponies who can't use in depth magic to begin with.)
I like what you're doing here banana.
Nice to see sound advice and suggestions for how people go about creating OCs.
Quote from: Trege on 2012 May 17, 17:47:17
First, thanks for the criticism bananamustang it really helps a lot most places I posted fancharacters in didn't provide much critiscm so I couldn't figure out what needs to be improved on I did lack a few things in his description which I couldn't think of at the time, anyways after reading a long thought out guide a few months ago about how to avoid mary sue/stu syndrome I've been trying to make sure the characters I'm working on have noticeable
flaws, Cobalts being that he sometimes gets angry when people pry into his past because of what happened to his parents which I haven't thought of an event for yet as I'm worried if a tragic past can fit into the MLP universe without having problems the reason he eats at ponyville cafe is while he does live in the forest hes only slightly antisocial and visits the town now and then when he needs supplies and or normal food, considering I don't think theres any food in everfree aside from zap apples which only bloom once a year, I also forgot to note that he was born in everfree forest because thats where his parents lived, and hes still in the same house even after the event that happened to them.
I'll probably work on his special talent some and just make one of his minor skills repairing armor but he can only repair it and I'll probably make his special talent something else though it comes in question if I have to get a different cutie mark for him since that relates to their talent.
I also wasn't sure where I was going with Spring Melody yet I still haven't decided what instrument she uses and I'm thinking of making her magic music come from enchanted music scrolls that she either enchants herself or gets them from various ponies who don't know how to use them. (Mainly Pagasus or Earth Ponies who can't use in depth magic to begin with.)
I just thought of something when you said scrolls: you know how a music box works? With the nubs that hit the metal sticks (I don't know nomenclature).
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 May 18, 12:32:18
I just thought of something when you said scrolls: you know how a music box works? With the nubs that hit the metal sticks (I don't know nomenclature).
Yeah kind of after reading this. http://www.musicboxattic.com/leabmubo.html ovO
Just from the criticism alone I've got an intro story planned already and more of Cobalts past figured out and possible events for Spring Melody
I think I can finish Cobalt now and get Spring's story and background set up and pick an instrument for her.
(I'll probably post a fanfiction on the forums eventually when I get the time to write it.)
Quote from: Trege on 2012 May 18, 15:44:37
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 May 18, 12:32:18
I just thought of something when you said scrolls: you know how a music box works? With the nubs that hit the metal sticks (I don't know nomenclature).
Yeah kind of after reading this. http://www.musicboxattic.com/leabmubo.html ovO
Just from the criticism alone I've got an intro story planned already and more of Cobalts past figured out and possible events for Spring Melody
I think I can finish Cobalt now and get Spring's story and background set up and pick an instrument for her.
(I'll probably post a fanfiction on the forums eventually when I get the time to write it.)
:D
Quote from: Azure Dusk on 2012 May 17, 12:33:34
Can you take a look at mine?
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.msg91728#msg91728 (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.msg91728#msg91728)
Great work!
Special talent is something that someone can grow in learning which you mentioned as well plus there is a possibility that a talent like that is needed and also exists in the show since there is armor.
Cutie mark is very cool looking and has that from the show feel.
History aside from some grammar errors and improper word usage this is done really well. I'm not going to hit on the errors because we all do it and sometimes not realize it until someone else proof reads it.
The use of the rank and unit names is really good my issue is that he is a petty officer 2nd class and in the REAG. Petty officer is a rank for the navy and coast guard. Look into the air force to get the proper rank. I tend to use a touch of realism when I RP with my military character because I know how it works and want to keep it as believable as possible.
I like how you didn't put your character in the fray of the action with major events of the show and gave him some sort of conflict in his life.
This is a nicely put together profile and a well rounded character. If you are planning to RP I wouldn't mind seeing this character around and reading his tales.
I am seeing some really good characters that have few things that would be issues in an RP and also some good characters that could play out really well in a carefully planned out fanfic. Please, I encourage any others to show me what they have. I don't mind helping out here and there if I can. As of now I am taking a break from working on the game and need to keep my mind moving while I finish up my school. So this is helping everypony out! ^-^
let's face it when it comes to Role Play most things won't fit unless you play already cannon characters and there are a lot of boundaries you can not cross even if you make it all original ponies because of the limits someone has are always higher than anyone's imagination will allow... consider if you went back in time and tried to role play out say... the wedding finale back when season 2 started they would say it wasn't allowed and wouldn't fit in the MLP world... yet it was an episode made but the limits would have said "Celestia doesn't have a niece, Twilight doesn't have a brother, and there is no such creature as a changing that can take anyone's form. So you can't do that stuff." That's why I don't role play I just made my pony as my OC character to represent me I add a story that I think would fit the MLP universe and I don't care what others think about it because its NOT a crossover and I don't go into ridiculous situations that couldn't fit into the MLP world.
Bananamustang, could you please give me some feedback on my OC? Thank you
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.0 (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.0)
Quote from: Dragnmastralex on 2012 May 19, 12:12:30
let's face it when it comes to Role Play most things won't fit unless you play already cannon characters and there are a lot of boundaries you can not cross even if you make it all original ponies because of the limits someone has are always higher than anyone's imagination will allow... consider if you went back in time and tried to role play out say... the wedding finale back when season 2 started they would say it wasn't allowed and wouldn't fit in the MLP world... yet it was an episode made but the limits would have said "Celestia doesn't have a niece, Twilight doesn't have a brother, and there is no such creature as a changing that can take anyone's form. So you can't do that stuff." That's why I don't role play I just made my pony as my OC character to represent me I add a story that I think would fit the MLP universe and I don't care what others think about it because its NOT a crossover and I don't go into ridiculous situations that couldn't fit into the MLP world.
I understand what you are saying with that, but keep in mind that there are various forums/chats out there that have rules that work so that you really don't interfere with the cast at all.
Quote from: Azure Dusk on 2012 May 19, 12:28:57
Bananamustang, could you please give me some feedback on my OC? Thank you
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.0 (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1546.0)
Unless you clicked twice or something I already did Azure. Check the first page. ^-^
Oops! Sorry, didn't see that.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 May 19, 11:33:41
Great work!
The use of the rank and unit names is really good my issue is that he is a petty officer 2nd class and in the REAG. Petty officer is a rank for the navy and coast guard. Look into the air force to get the proper rank. I tend to use a touch of realism when I RP with my military character because I know how it works and want to keep it as believable as possible.
Thanks for the feedback. The reason I made him a PO2 despite being in the Air Guard, was because I was a PO2 in the USNSCC, so I wanted to try and keep that as a sorta homage to that time in my life. That, and I'm really not that good at coming up with rank names. I'll try to come up with some at another time.
Quote from: Azure Dusk on 2012 May 19, 23:51:10
Oops! Sorry, didn't see that.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 May 19, 11:33:41
Great work!
The use of the rank and unit names is really good my issue is that he is a petty officer 2nd class and in the REAG. Petty officer is a rank for the navy and coast guard. Look into the air force to get the proper rank. I tend to use a touch of realism when I RP with my military character because I know how it works and want to keep it as believable as possible.
Thanks for the feedback. The reason I made him a PO2 despite being in the Air Guard, was because I was a PO2 in the USNSCC, so I wanted to try and keep that as a sorta homage to that time in my life. That, and I'm really not that good at coming up with rank names. I'll try to come up with some at another time.
Funny. I was in the cadets too. I understand that much of what you are saying about the ranks, but two things: navy has more planes than air force and two is that you can find rank names on wikipedia for all the branches.
I'd love some constructive criticism on my OC. The link is in my signature, I'd love it if you could give me some feedback on Moonbeam. ^-^ ((I'd ask you to do Breezy Wind as well but she's not complete yet, I haven't developed her personality and bio and such.)) Please and thank you.
Quote from: Pinkie Pie on 2012 May 20, 02:20:16
I'd love some constructive criticism on my OC. The link is in my signature, I'd love it if you could give me some feedback on Moonbeam. ^-^ ((I'd ask you to do Breezy Wind as well but she's not complete yet, I haven't developed her personality and bio and such.)) Please and thank you.
OK I like the look of the character and the cutie mark too. The background, personality, strengths and weaknesses are all good as well. It's the special talent that needs a bit of work. Some rooms might leave it alone, but the fact that she is a Pegasus with "certain connections with celestial bodies" that can make a few people say that it doesn't work or make sense.
There are a few ways around it, but before we get into that I would have to say that you need to elaborate more on whose dreams she is walking. If it is hers then that is ok, but the issue of it being a talent is how does it work to do anything for her or others. If it is others then you might want to consider working out two things: making her a unicorn or making a really strong elaborate story to give her the magic as a Pegasus.
To dream walk in other ponies dreams you should have some sort of telepathic ability. Which could go under the magic category.
Now I have said this before to many others: Everypony has magic. Only Unicorns are able to harness and use it. Pegasus would be next on the list and then earth ponies.
How is a Pegasus able to use magic!? They walk on clouds... duh...
So you can go with genetics and say that one of her parents had been a unicorn and her flying ability isn't very good. Or you can say a curse, but doing that would mean an detailed story as to why.
You need to have a reason for the dream walking and a connection with the planetary bodies really wouldn't work in most places. The more out there the talent the more logic and reasoning you need for it.
Look at the talents of the ponies on the show. Twilight has excellent magical abilities that she had to learn and work at. Dash has excellent flying abilities. The Cakes and so on. Their special talents aren't all that out there. The key thing is that you want to make it believable.
As for Breezy I am sure that you will think of something nice for her.
All you need is something more behind her talent. Just ask yourself why does this work for a Pegasus.
If you wouldn't mind, although Project POTATO already did a miniature review, I would like your opinion on my OC's (link in my signature). Hope it's not too much trouble!
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 May 20, 22:30:44
Quote from: Pinkie Pie on 2012 May 20, 02:20:16
I'd love some constructive criticism on my OC. The link is in my signature, I'd love it if you could give me some feedback on Moonbeam. ^-^ ((I'd ask you to do Breezy Wind as well but she's not complete yet, I haven't developed her personality and bio and such.)) Please and thank you.
OK I like the look of the character and the cutie mark too. The background, personality, strengths and weaknesses are all good as well. It's the special talent that needs a bit of work. Some rooms might leave it alone, but the fact that she is a Pegasus with "certain connections with celestial bodies" that can make a few people say that it doesn't work or make sense.
There are a few ways around it, but before we get into that I would have to say that you need to elaborate more on whose dreams she is walking. If it is hers then that is ok, but the issue of it being a talent is how does it work to do anything for her or others. If it is others then you might want to consider working out two things: making her a unicorn or making a really strong elaborate story to give her the magic as a Pegasus.
To dream walk in other ponies dreams you should have some sort of telepathic ability. Which could go under the magic category.
Now I have said this before to many others: Everypony has magic. Only Unicorns are able to harness and use it. Pegasus would be next on the list and then earth ponies.
How is a Pegasus able to use magic!? They walk on clouds... duh...
So you can go with genetics and say that one of her parents had been a unicorn and her flying ability isn't very good. Or you can say a curse, but doing that would mean an detailed story as to why.
You need to have a reason for the dream walking and a connection with the planetary bodies really wouldn't work in most places. The more out there the talent the more logic and reasoning you need for it.
Look at the talents of the ponies on the show. Twilight has excellent magical abilities that she had to learn and work at. Dash has excellent flying abilities. The Cakes and so on. Their special talents aren't all that out there. The key thing is that you want to make it believable.
As for Breezy I am sure that you will think of something nice for her.
All you need is something more behind her talent. Just ask yourself why does this work for a Pegasus.
Thanks so much for the suggestions, as soon as I have some free time I'll work on her talent and background to make it more feasible as a pegasus talent. ^-^ Thanks again.
I usually don't want critism but this is the first time i have ever created a character like this. If you have some free time click the link in my signature and be honest about what you think about Lusterless Nova. By the way his family will later have a small introduction.
Quote from: Lusterless Nova on 2012 May 21, 04:29:30
I usually don't want critism but this is the first time i have ever created a character like this. If you have some free time click the link in my signature and be honest about what you think about Lusterless Nova. By the way his family will later have a small introduction.
Here is another excellent character. The name is nice and actually fairly fitting for the show time. The whole background and even the fact that you are ready to put a good amount of story behind his family is nice. The cutiemark should be a bit more vectored to match the pony so that it doesn't look out of place on his flank, but it looks cool.
You set up his personality well where it identifies his weaknesses and shows how he tries to cope with them.
However, there is the special talent. It works and it fits with the illusions. The summoning might need a bit of work. Either an extension of the summoning can be part of illusions and still use some of the abilities that the summons have, but gives them a bit of restrictions as well. Also you can have a time limit on how long they last. I like the restrictions on summoning a certain number at a time and not having full control over what he summons.
If anything and you want to keep them separate the summoning would be tied to his teleportation and you can add a bit of a story behind his growing friendship with the animals... except the dragon since that didn't turn out well.
Over all this is very good. A slight tweak in the talents and you would be good. I would love to see this character grow as well.
Also have been thinking and along with a request to mention. I have no issues with anypony sending a PM to me about anything. You can also hop onto the IRC and see if I can talk there as well. :D
I think i might start to like criticism. Thank you very much.
Once my current main RP (Desert of Dread) is over i'll see what i can do.
I don't care what you say about mah pony, you already talked about that kind of thing with Dragnmastralex and I don't roleplay much either. Even when I do, it is usually with a different OC.
Quote from: Moonlight Paradise on 2012 May 22, 16:32:56
I don't care what you say about mah pony, you already talked about that kind of thing with Dragnmastralex and I don't roleplay much either. Even when I do, it is usually with a different OC.
Banana is just offering feedback to ponies that ask for it, he's not trying to offend.
Quote from: Azure Dusk on 2012 May 22, 16:53:15
Quote from: Moonlight Paradise on 2012 May 22, 16:32:56
I don't care what you say about mah pony, you already talked about that kind of thing with Dragnmastralex and I don't roleplay much either. Even when I do, it is usually with a different OC.
Banana is just offering feedback to ponies that ask for it, he's not trying to offend.
Thank you Azure. I am offering this feedback to those that wish for it. If some are scared or embarrassed to ask for help they can pm or message me. I am doing this to help and to keep my creative juices flowing while I am in school and on a break from the writing team from the game. This is on my own time and not out of direction of any of the other writers.
For The Wandering Magus:
As I sent you in the message sorry I missed yours.
Feather Scroll:
Talent: I am assuming this is pretty much alchemy...? This should be a bit more clear as to what it is.
I like the tie in with the talent and his work.
While there is no knowledge if there is an ancient language or different languages across species you took that chance, but be ready to change that if the show does some craziness with it. I like the non direct way that you mentioned part of the mane six, but just keep in mind that some people don't like it when others give themselves a direct connection with them in their story. Personally I say this "Pinkie knows everypony and Ponyville is small so who is to say who doesn't know who?"
So keep in mind if you RP try to not mention them until you get to know the other RPers and if there is a local Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie that you have them as part of your character's story. If they are understanding and good RPers then they should roll with it or you can just work that reputation with them in a creative manner to have them get to know your OC.
Just try to avoid making him too much like Fluttershy when you rp. He is his own pony.
Juniper Blosso:
Have I mentioned you have good names for your OCs?
Talent: Simple I like it. Just pick one though. It's her special talent. It is what she got her cutie mark for. Feather's talent ties in together meaning that it can lead to just one thing: Alchemy. Woodworking and botany don't really go hoof in hoof. However, it doesn't mean she cant do either one anyway. Just that she needs to have one as a special talent.
You connected her with just about all of the mane 6. Again be careful with that as I said. If a room doesn't have RPers playing any of the mane six you can establish it when you know them well enough. Usually when a cannon is made for a room and there is one player who plays the mane 6 you will have the others to help you out.
I like the relationship that these two have. It is a yin and yang thing. They have a lot in common and are opposites at the same time. Now you mention that they received permission to live together. If that is the case then they must be younger than some of the others.
These two could be portrayed in a few different ways. 1. Romantic, 2. Comedy, 3. Both, 4. Friends that go on little adventures. You have a lot of potental with both characters, but a few restrictions. Once you set the way they are (Honestly, a bit of role play helps feeling out the way they are) you have to stick to it. Sure that goes with other OCs that anyone has, but with Juniper and Feather being the way they are, which is pretty straight forward, you have to make sure she stays outgoing and he stays shy, but not overly so (remember he did make friends on his own).
These are pretty good. I don't see many issues with both of them. If you plan on RPing it would be fun to see them both talk to each other.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 May 24, 11:34:22
For The Wandering Magus:
As I sent you in the message sorry I missed yours.
Feather Scroll:
Talent: I am assuming this is pretty much alchemy...? This should be a bit more clear as to what it is.
I like the tie in with the talent and his work.
While there is no knowledge if there is an ancient language or different languages across species you took that chance, but be ready to change that if the show does some craziness with it. I like the non direct way that you mentioned part of the mane six, but just keep in mind that some people don't like it when others give themselves a direct connection with them in their story. Personally I say this "Pinkie knows everypony and Ponyville is small so who is to say who doesn't know who?"
So keep in mind if you RP try to not mention them until you get to know the other RPers and if there is a local Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie that you have them as part of your character's story. If they are understanding and good RPers then they should roll with it or you can just work that reputation with them in a creative manner to have them get to know your OC.
Just try to avoid making him too much like Fluttershy when you rp. He is his own pony.
Juniper Blosso:
Have I mentioned you have good names for your OCs?
Talent: Simple I like it. Just pick one though. It's her special talent. It is what she got her cutie mark for. Feather's talent ties in together meaning that it can lead to just one thing: Alchemy. Woodworking and botany don't really go hoof in hoof. However, it doesn't mean she cant do either one anyway. Just that she needs to have one as a special talent.
You connected her with just about all of the mane 6. Again be careful with that as I said. If a room doesn't have RPers playing any of the mane six you can establish it when you know them well enough. Usually when a cannon is made for a room and there is one player who plays the mane 6 you will have the others to help you out.
I like the relationship that these two have. It is a yin and yang thing. They have a lot in common and are opposites at the same time. Now you mention that they received permission to live together. If that is the case then they must be younger than some of the others.
These two could be portrayed in a few different ways. 1. Romantic, 2. Comedy, 3. Both, 4. Friends that go on little adventures. You have a lot of potental with both characters, but a few restrictions. Once you set the way they are (Honestly, a bit of role play helps feeling out the way they are) you have to stick to it. Sure that goes with other OCs that anyone has, but with Juniper and Feather being the way they are, which is pretty straight forward, you have to make sure she stays outgoing and he stays shy, but not overly so (remember he did make friends on his own).
These are pretty good. I don't see many issues with both of them. If you plan on RPing it would be fun to see them both talk to each other.
Thank you very much for your reviews ^-^
Re: Talent:
QuoteMagitronics are essentially magitech electronics, and spell matrices are like programs. Like an electrical engineer, Feather needs specialized tools and equipment to properly design magitronic devices, and he needs those devices to program spell matrices for things like magic barding and shield runes.
Without these delicate tools to channel his generally weak but precise magic, he is somewhat useless, like an electrical engineer in a medieval community.
QuoteSpell matrices, for those unfamiliar with the concept, are networks of sequences of spells stored in rune-stone devices which build on each other in a chain reaction, similarly to the way an engine works. The net effect of the spells acting together can be anything from a benign invisibility matrix to a devastating rift matrix. The more powerful the matrix, the more complex the spells required and the more fragile the construct is.
Re: languages:
lots of RPers here and elsewhere like talking about "ancient languages" and such, and since he's working with multiple forms of magic and stuff, I thought it would be a nice ability to have, both in and out of character.
Re: mane six connections:
you'll notice they're mostly completely optional, having no real strong part in his bio, and they're easily removed. It's for if I come across ponies talking with the mane six in a random jump-in.
Re: like Fluttershy:
got it ^-^ I try to make him a *bit* different, like a sort of mix between Twilight and Fluttershy, actually, with a hint of Rarity since he's sort-of nobility and all.
Re: Names:
thanks x3
Re: talent:
I guess I'll just stick with woodworking as the talent and gardening as the hobby then, since woodworking is sort of more important backstory-wise.
re: mane six:
as before, the connections aren't exactly strong, and I can cut them anytime depending on the RP I sign up for.
Re: relationship:
wasn't sure how important/allowed "marriage" was in this game/community, so I stuck to "living together with parents' permission" instead. As such it's a little bit of all four, actually.
Re: RP:
I've had them in a few RPs before, but most of those died... Trader's week, Sonya's RP, Equestria Hearts, etc. I have them currently playing in Lockdown, but with REALLY changed personalities due to circumstances described in the OP.
Anyhow, thanks for the review ^-^
This is a really good idea, I should have thought of this myself, since I enjoy seeing what creativity other people come up with for characters.
Well, while you're here and offering, I guess it wouldn't hurt if you took a look at my wall of text of an OC. I don't think you read it, but a few ponies on the concept team blew me up about it... although I sort of was expecting it. You'll probably understand if you took a look at it.
Gracie Sky (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=409.0)
Be assured everything I put in there was deliberate and possesses a rational explanation... that I won't tell you about right now but is still embedded in the complexity of her story. So don't run around screaming Mary Sue like Tater did, please. v_v
EDIT: Oh, while I'm thinking about it: her color scheme. I made it in pony creator and only later did I find out it's almost identical to another pony's color scheme when I was watching the Royal Wedding and saw what I thought to be Gracie's unknown Earth Pony older sister running the kitchen with Applejack. Learned it was Apple Fritter. I probably have to change Gracie's color scheme and pay more attention to the background ponies... :l
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2012 May 24, 20:13:19
This is a really good idea, I should have thought of this myself, since I enjoy seeing what creativity other people come up with for characters.
Well, while you're here and offering, I guess it wouldn't hurt if you took a look at my wall of text of an OC. I don't think you read it, but a few ponies on the concept team blew me up about it... although I sort of was expecting it. You'll probably understand if you took a look at it.
Gracie Sky (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=409.0)
Be assured everything I put in there was deliberate and possesses a rational explanation... that I won't tell you about right now but is still embedded in the complexity of her story. So don't run around screaming Mary Sue like Tater did, please. v_v
EDIT: Oh, while I'm thinking about it: her color scheme. I made it in pony creator and only later did I find out it's almost identical to another pony's color scheme when I was watching the Royal Wedding and saw what I thought to be Gracie's unknown Earth Pony older sister running the kitchen with Applejack. Learned it was Apple Fritter. I probably have to change Gracie's color scheme and pay more attention to the background ponies... :l
MARY SUE!
I kid. Couldn't resist.
I am supposing that the profile was made like that for an RP itself. If not then that is an interesting way of putting it.
OK. The OC looks nice. I can't see why it would be considered a problem that she has the same colors as Apple Fritter. It happens all the time. Look at the show and tell me how many have the same color schemes.
Overall you gave the character some mystery. She is an orphan and doesn't know anything. Its like a new character for an RPG. You have to build her up. Either through RP or a Fic.
As you said there seems to be a rational explanation to everything you have there. From what you said of the interest if she is too young then it's OK to not have her lean to anything, but at her age she might be leaning slightly to something.
I don't see how this is bad in anyway. It allows you to build the character through experience and interactions. Pretty much you developed an OC that is slightly generic when it comes to being a filly, but that also gives the chance to let her grow up into something that stands out and is unique.
Also if you have some answers to the mysteries of an OC sneak some out. Give a little teaser so that anyone that reads the profile and is paying attention will be curious enough to find out what their story is. However, if your character has strong presence then you might not have to worry about it.
By the way, could you possibly post your reviews on deviantart so that if this thread gets deleted there's still someplace we can reference your suggestions? And if not, would you mind if i copied your review of my oc's for private noncommercial use as reference?
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 01, 00:52:08
By the way, could you possibly post your reviews on deviantart so that if this thread gets deleted there's still someplace we can reference your suggestions? And if not, would you mind if i copied your review of my oc's for private noncommercial use as reference?
Feel free to copy it and paste it ^_^
However, if you want me to put it there I will.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 03, 20:31:11
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 01, 00:52:08
By the way, could you possibly post your reviews on deviantart so that if this thread gets deleted there's still someplace we can reference your suggestions? And if not, would you mind if i copied your review of my oc's for private noncommercial use as reference?
Feel free to copy it and paste it ^_^
However, if you want me to put it there I will.
yes please x3. In case it gets wiped by another forum purge.
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 01, 01:00:27
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
(http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133795760409.jpg)
This will be interesting.
Quote from: Mr.Darkling on 2012 Jun 05, 11:59:34
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 01, 01:00:27
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
(http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133795760409.jpg)
This will be interesting.
*sigh* here comes the rant...
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 01, 01:00:27
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
Ok.. Um.. well I read all of it.
I cannot go into each section because it is easier to keep things as a full over view.
For RP and in some or all cases of a fan fic. This is a perfect example of a God Mod/ OP character...
Additionally this is a character/being that doesn't fit in with the world of MLP:FiM. Meaning that he is too grimdark/gothic/or what ever else can go along those lines.
In the RP rooms I have been in they have strict rules about these things you have done with the character. The picture looks nice, but he isn't something that would belong in the world of MLP.
He has no direct special talent.
And if he is to be something along the lines of, let's say the Changling Queen, then he needs to have some weaknesses and ability to be defeated.
The only way's to improve this character is to make him a villain and work him to have a noticeable weakness with out giving it away. Otherwise as a good guy he would need to change completely and possibly just be removed.
Now I know of the way some view you so I will say this first. The reviews I give are my professional opinions. I offer this help on my own accord to ensure that I can still remain creative so that when I return to the game full time I can write the quests that you all would want to play.
Do not take what I say personal because those comments will be ignored.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 05, 12:36:14
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 01, 01:00:27
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
Ok.. Um.. well I read all of it.
I cannot go into each section because it is easier to keep things as a full over view.
For RP and in some or all cases of a fan fic. This is a perfect example of a God Mod/ OP character...
Additionally this is a character/being that doesn't fit in with the world of MLP:FiM. Meaning that he is too grimdark/gothic/or what ever else can go along those lines.
In the RP rooms I have been in they have strict rules about these things you have done with the character. The picture looks nice, but he isn't something that would belong in the world of MLP.
He has no direct special talent.
And if he is to be something along the lines of, let's say the Changling Queen, then he needs to have some weaknesses and ability to be defeated.
The only way's to improve this character is to make him a villain and work him to have a noticeable weakness with out giving it away. Otherwise as a good guy he would need to change completely and possibly just be removed.
Now I know of the way some view you so I will say this first. The reviews I give are my professional opinions. I offer this help on my own accord to ensure that I can still remain creative so that when I return to the game full time I can write the quests that you all would want to play.
Do not take what I say personal because those comments will be ignored.
Quote from: Ozzy on 2012 Jun 05, 12:45:38
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 05, 12:36:14
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 01, 01:00:27
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
Ok.. Um.. well I read all of it.
I cannot go into each section because it is easier to keep things as a full over view.
For RP and in some or all cases of a fan fic. This is a perfect example of a God Mod/ OP character...
Additionally this is a character/being that doesn't fit in with the world of MLP:FiM. Meaning that he is too grimdark/gothic/or what ever else can go along those lines.
In the RP rooms I have been in they have strict rules about these things you have done with the character. The picture looks nice, but he isn't something that would belong in the world of MLP.
He has no direct special talent.
And if he is to be something along the lines of, let's say the Changling Queen, then he needs to have some weaknesses and ability to be defeated.
The only way's to improve this character is to make him a villain and work him to have a noticeable weakness with out giving it away. Otherwise as a good guy he would need to change completely and possibly just be removed.
Now I know of the way some view you so I will say this first. The reviews I give are my professional opinions. I offer this help on my own accord to ensure that I can still remain creative so that when I return to the game full time I can write the quests that you all would want to play.
Do not take what I say personal because those comments will be ignored.
*videosnip*
(http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/212/750/Applauding.gif)
I applaud your applause. :P
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 05, 12:36:14
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 01, 01:00:27
OH you should do mine... WARNING it has A LOT of information...
(post was WAY to long so i shortened it ^3^)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=100.0
Ok.. Um.. well I read all of it.
I cannot go into each section because it is easier to keep things as a full over view.
For RP and in some or all cases of a fan fic. This is a perfect example of a God Mod/ OP character...
Additionally this is a character/being that doesn't fit in with the world of MLP:FiM. Meaning that he is too grimdark/gothic/or what ever else can go along those lines.
In the RP rooms I have been in they have strict rules about these things you have done with the character. The picture looks nice, but he isn't something that would belong in the world of MLP.
He has no direct special talent.
And if he is to be something along the lines of, let's say the Changling Queen, then he needs to have some weaknesses and ability to be defeated.
The only way's to improve this character is to make him a villain and work him to have a noticeable weakness with out giving it away. Otherwise as a good guy he would need to change completely and possibly just be removed.
Now I know of the way some view you so I will say this first. The reviews I give are my professional opinions. I offer this help on my own accord to ensure that I can still remain creative so that when I return to the game full time I can write the quests that you all would want to play.
Do not take what I say personal because those comments will be ignored.
I knew you were going to say that lol
With this professional opinion, I have successfully destroyed a God Mod in my RPs YEAH!! >:O
That means my RPs are OP :3 I will not stop bragging about this until ponies joins my RP (and I'll either get my floors out of retirement or just remake them B))
Do me! Do me! I've only "finished" the first two, but the first one is the only one that has real information. I'm trying to get the second one through RP story. >:(
(They also have no place in MLP, I guess)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1936
What do you think of my GM characters? (not the last entry, that's for countering oc's like Madness)
That is, Fancy and Bloodblade? Yes, Fancy is from the show, but he is a GM character from Sweet and Elite, which was set in his house anyways.
loved your review ^3^ you seemed thou to ignore his weaknesses, they are in there thou A BLU BLU BLU I LIKE TO YELL PUMPKIN PIE ^-^
if a mare comes to close to him, he becomes jelly
If a mare OR stallion mothers him, he becomes their slave and thinks of them as his adoptive mother
if he uses to much energy up, he cant even walk... he uses his magic to stand as his body is to physically weak to stand
without his shield, like if you use a spell that counters shileds, he would fall down to weak to stand, the act of falling off his own feet would break all his bones... and kill him
he very often hurts himself, which uses up his own magic
his body is so frail that without his shield, of you were to... lets say... high five him... in his face... it would fracture and kill him
thats about 6 weaknesses about 4 of them lethal to him
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 00:32:12
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
Wow talk about a jump to conclusions fella.
The clapping is of no personal attack; no one can resist posting such a classic image ovO
and Darkling 10 times more powerful? Not even the old, godmodding and mary sue Darkling, which I am aware is the one you know the most, is as powerful as that.
That certain IRC chatroom has been dead for quite a long time and Darkling has re-designed over time; he's simply been reduced to my ponysa nowadays. Only strength he has now is the smog thing and that's about it. I find making an actual character based on powers is a bit boring, compared to making an actual character, and being he is my ponysa I can't really change him anything beyond myself.
Anyway, chill your beans, I mean no offense :I
Quote from: Mr.Darkling on 2012 Jun 06, 07:50:25
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 00:32:12
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
Wow talk about a jump to conclusions fella.
The clapping is of no personal attack; no one can resist posting such a classic image ovO
and Darkling 10 times more powerful? Not even the old, godmodding and mary sue Darkling, which I am aware is the one you know the most, is as powerful as that.
That certain IRC chatroom has been dead for quite a long time and Darkling has re-designed over time; he's simply been reduced to my ponysa nowadays. Only strength he has now is the smog thing and that's about it. I find making an actual character based on powers is a bit boring, compared to making an actual character, and being he is my ponysa I can't really change him anything beyond myself.
Anyway, chill your beans, I mean no offense :I
Chill your beans? o_O
but i dont like to eat cold beans ovO
ikr? That's nasty!
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 00:32:12
loved your review ^3^ you seemed thou to ignore his weaknesses, they are in there thou A BLU BLU BLU I LIKE TO YELL PUMPKIN PIE ^-^
if a mare comes to close to him, he becomes jelly
If a mare OR stallion mothers him, he becomes their slave and thinks of them as his adoptive mother
if he uses to much energy up, he cant even walk... he uses his magic to stand as his body is to physically weak to stand
without his shield, like if you use a spell that counters shileds, he would fall down to weak to stand, the act of falling off his own feet would break all his bones... and kill him
he very often hurts himself, which uses up his own magic
his body is so frail that without his shield, of you were to... lets say... high five him... in his face... it would fracture and kill him
thats about 6 weaknesses about 4 of them lethal to him
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
You are missing the point I mean when using weakness. Nightmare Moon - Friendship, Discord - Friendship, Changling Queen - True love.
You are talking about mental and physical conditions that would hurt him. I am talking about defeat in a battle of good and evil.
Quote from: Cutiebone on 2012 Jun 06, 10:35:31
Quote from: Mr.Darkling on 2012 Jun 06, 07:50:25
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 00:32:12
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
Wow talk about a jump to conclusions fella.
The clapping is of no personal attack; no one can resist posting such a classic image ovO
and Darkling 10 times more powerful? Not even the old, godmodding and mary sue Darkling, which I am aware is the one you know the most, is as powerful as that.
That certain IRC chatroom has been dead for quite a long time and Darkling has re-designed over time; he's simply been reduced to my ponysa nowadays. Only strength he has now is the smog thing and that's about it. I find making an actual character based on powers is a bit boring, compared to making an actual character, and being he is my ponysa I can't really change him anything beyond myself.
Anyway, chill your beans, I mean no offense :I
Chill your beans? o_O
It's British for calm down/chill out/relax
Pardon my Off Topic Post
Quote from: Ozzy on 2012 Jun 06, 12:11:24
It's British for calm down/chill out/relax
Pardon my Off Topic Post
mmm beans (http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/2408/pplick.png)
By Celestia! They're cold (http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/2750/ppdemon1.png)
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 06, 12:06:42
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 00:32:12
loved your review ^3^ you seemed thou to ignore his weaknesses, they are in there thou A BLU BLU BLU I LIKE TO YELL PUMPKIN PIE ^-^
if a mare comes to close to him, he becomes jelly
If a mare OR stallion mothers him, he becomes their slave and thinks of them as his adoptive mother
if he uses to much energy up, he cant even walk... he uses his magic to stand as his body is to physically weak to stand
without his shield, like if you use a spell that counters shileds, he would fall down to weak to stand, the act of falling off his own feet would break all his bones... and kill him
he very often hurts himself, which uses up his own magic
his body is so frail that without his shield, of you were to... lets say... high five him... in his face... it would fracture and kill him
thats about 6 weaknesses about 4 of them lethal to him
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
You are missing the point I mean when using weakness. Nightmare Moon - Friendship, Discord - Friendship, Changling Queen - True love.
You are talking about mental and physical conditions that would hurt him. I am talking about defeat in a battle of good and evil.
Which is also a reason why I said Madness is OP. No matter how fragile he might seem.
well i did say being mothered... being cared for... Madness thinks everything secretly hates him, like The Well, so when he is shown affection or is mothered he becomes very confused = so love/kindness/caring = defeating him, and all 3 are very easy to do, ether way im revising him... he will have the coldest... darkest.. most horrible background ever... you will cry for him when you read it.... ovO more or less m taking entity out of the picture, and im making sure he is great at deception, he will never truly trust anypony ether, but he will still be pretty random from time to time, not all the time now, BUT time to time,
Quote from: Ozzy on 2012 Jun 06, 12:11:24
Quote from: Cutiebone on 2012 Jun 06, 10:35:31
Quote from: Mr.Darkling on 2012 Jun 06, 07:50:25
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 00:32:12
P.S. why all the clapping? and darkling your like... 10 times more powerful than madness from what I've heard about you lol ovO Ozzy thou i expected to clap sense he has always disliked me
Wow talk about a jump to conclusions fella.
The clapping is of no personal attack; no one can resist posting such a classic image ovO
and Darkling 10 times more powerful? Not even the old, godmodding and mary sue Darkling, which I am aware is the one you know the most, is as powerful as that.
That certain IRC chatroom has been dead for quite a long time and Darkling has re-designed over time; he's simply been reduced to my ponysa nowadays. Only strength he has now is the smog thing and that's about it. I find making an actual character based on powers is a bit boring, compared to making an actual character, and being he is my ponysa I can't really change him anything beyond myself.
Anyway, chill your beans, I mean no offense :I
Chill your beans? o_O
It's British for calm down/chill out/relax
Pardon my Off Topic Post
Oh I just love you british ponies! ^-^
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 18:00:59
well i did say being mothered... being cared for... Madness thinks everything secretly hates him, like The Well, so when he is shown affection or is mothered he becomes very confused = so love/kindness/caring = defeating him, and all 3 are very easy to do, ether way im revising him... he will have the coldest... darkest.. most horrible background ever... you will cry for him when you read it.... ovO more or less m taking entity out of the picture, and im making sure he is great at deception, he will never truly trust anypony ether, but he will still be pretty random from time to time, not all the time now, BUT time to time,
essentially, focusing more on psychological weaknesses and less on physical strengths will make it much less OP-looking I think.
I'd love to have mine critiqued. Sorry they're so long. x3
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=470.0
Do me! Do me! I've only "finished" the first two, but the first one is the only one that has real information. I'm trying to get the second one through RP story. >:(
(They also have no place in MLP, I guess)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1936
[/quote]
Isterdyul :
Color: He shouldn't change color to express his emotions. It makes no sense... this is what body language and facial expressions are for. Granted he is a unicorn, but none of the ponies in the show changed their color for emotional reasons.
Communication: I can deal with this only if it is his special talent. You never said one or I missed it.
Character summary: His past seems to involve too big of a story that influences a lot of the world and events of MLP:FiM. This is ok for fan fic and alternate universe RP. However, more main stream RP rooms might not like the idea because of the involving of major players in the world.
Vaeinceurth:
This is too grim for the setting of MLP:FiM. Hate isn't something that would be used for any of the show's characters. I don't even recall them using that word at all for anything in the show. And there really isn't any pony that is demented.
There isn't much on these to go on. Keep working on them though. If anything they would be good for AU or fan fic.
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 06, 18:00:59
well i did say being mothered... being cared for... Madness thinks everything secretly hates him, like The Well, so when he is shown affection or is mothered he becomes very confused = so love/kindness/caring = defeating him, and all 3 are very easy to do, ether way im revising him... he will have the coldest... darkest.. most horrible background ever... you will cry for him when you read it.... ovO more or less m taking entity out of the picture, and im making sure he is great at deception, he will never truly trust anypony ether, but he will still be pretty random from time to time, not all the time now, BUT time to time,
Real quick... "he will have the coldest... darkest.. most horrible background ever..." <- that already tells me I am not going to like it because it will not match the setting of which I am trying to explain of what the MLP:FiM world is.
I know i already got critiques for other chars, but even though they're gm chars could you review Fancy (yeah, from the show, sorry, but was part of a setting) and Bloodblade?
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 07, 13:00:56
Quote
Do me! Do me! I've only "finished" the first two, but the first one is the only one that has real information. I'm trying to get the second one through RP story. >:(
(They also have no place in MLP, I guess)
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=1936
Isterdyul :
Color: He shouldn't change color to express his emotions. It makes no sense... this is what body language and facial expressions are for. Granted he is a unicorn, but none of the ponies in the show changed their color for emotional reasons.
Communication: I can deal with this only if it is his special talent. You never said one or I missed it.
Character summary: His past seems to involve too big of a story that influences a lot of the world and events of MLP:FiM. This is ok for fan fic and alternate universe RP. However, more main stream RP rooms might not like the idea because of the involving of major players in the world.
Vaeinceurth:
This is too grim for the setting of MLP:FiM. Hate isn't something that would be used for any of the show's characters. I don't even recall them using that word at all for anything in the show. And there really isn't any pony that is demented.
There isn't much on these to go on. Keep working on them though. If anything they would be good for AU or fan fic.
Color: I had a reason before, but I forgot it. I'll remove it.
Character summary: My OC didn't influence the world. The only thing that happened is that the griffins rebuilt their city and they now hate the OC. (Is that okay? >.<) The only major player I can see is the nation itself. As I continue the story, it's going to show that he lost connection with them and settled in the small town of Ponyville.
Voice: His talent is realization and correction. When he finds problems with things, he tries to fix them. His regular voice isn't perfect, so he corrected it with magic. He does speak with his normal voice, but that's when he loses focus.
and Vae - right now, he's a villain, I'm going to make him a happy pony longing for acceptance (without the help of the RP section :c) He comes out of the forest and will slowly be reintegrated to society
((Did anything make anything better >A< - and Isterdyul is supposed to be a bit other-worldly, but can he "fit" in the world of MLP?))
Thanks for the review :D
((I should've finished writing it before I gave it to you :c))
I've been following this thread for some time and you give out some nice reviews.So I'd like to hear your opinion on my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2511.0)
They weren't designed for RP.Also I want to apologize for any mistakes in the text that I've made.
I see your point Bananamustang but i find that not everypony ever born ever in the MLP univers has had a nice life, take pinkie pies background, very sad, all day every day, all grey,BUT it got better, AND the Changelings, im pretty sure none one of them has a truly good life, ether way, it seems while most ponies from the show are all full of happy times, some have some very sad backgrounds. also take accord to the Discord story before the sisters came, very sad and horrible, Nightmaremoon stuck on the moon in an nearly eternal loneliness, VERY sad, i cant even imagine being alone from another living thing for more than a couple days. A BIG ON is Doodle Donkey who searched his whole life. He was sad for his whole life before being finally happy. and Candace who looked abused, starved and alone in the cave she was imprisoned in, ether way 9/10 have a nice story im the 10th whose story will be in fact sad, Also im afraid to see Screw looses background... must be pretty messed up to wind up thinking your a dog lol, Please know that for me, just because Madness does not have a rainbow happy background, does not mean he does not belong in their universe.
Thou i am sorry you wont like my OC's background because its sadder than a normal ponies.
P.S. sorry for being annoying on this topic :P i just thought what i just said right now made a lot of sense, and im done with my talking on this subject now ^-^ dont want it to turn into anything of a nusense anyway. AND im helping You teach everyone the right way to do tings by correcting me where i may be wrong ^-^
Quote from: Lord of Madness on 2012 Jun 07, 14:07:03
ether way 9/10 have a nice story im the 10th whose story will be in fact sad,
This is true, but the problem is, many many people create characters who are that 10th. If you read through the OC board, almost every character has some tragedy or plight in their life. I think this is an attempt to make their character unique and memorable, but of course it backfires, because everyone has the same idea. It's easy to characterize a pony that has a sad life, or a special power- But that's all their character ends up being. They are just what makes them special, not what makes them a personality. I think it's much more challenging (and more fun) to write a character that lives a normal life, has a normal job and normal friends. Sure everyone has problems and struggles, but most of them are on a much smaller scale. You have to make them a real character, with flaws and skills that are relatable and realistic. It makes them more "human" more dense and complex. People are, in reality, much more attracted to characters like these.
Look at Ponyville. Most of the ponies there are believable, regular ponies. They are bakers, or flower sellers, or carpenters. Even the mane six aren't that super special aside from being the Elements of Harmony. They're a farmer, a dressmaker, a pastry chef, a wildlife caretaker, and a weather pony, aside from Twilight Sparkle. They have a few things they are good at, and a few things they are not so good at. They are most like a real person, with real flaws and hence real personalities. When you get into the realm of wildly powerfully demi-gods, or super sad, super tragic pity-party ponies it makes your character seem petty and uninteresting, no matter how much you pile on the extras.
We like the mane six because we can connect with them. They're not super special sunflowers (well Twilight is a little, but aside from that)- they're just everyday ponies who got thrown into a wild adventure. What makes Fluttershy lovable is watching her character grow and learn and struggle. She faces her fears and sometimes comes up against challenges she can't face. We love Rarity because she is like people we know (or may even be ourselves). She's flawed in her vanity and her aversion to physical labor. But she makes up for it, not with magical powers, not by being exceptionally special or unique, but by being a real likeable character. She's generous and thoughtful and hardworking when she needs to be. She's complex not because of her past, or her magical powers, but because she's a real personality.
Wheeew! Sorry. I got going there and couldn't stop. I don't want to say that you can't make a successful character out of a not-so-normal pony (or that 10th pony). But it's much more difficult to make them likeable and real. Equestria isn't a world of tragedy. Sure, bad things happen, but there's a supportive community, a benevolent monarch, and magical powers to counteract a lot of suffering that might otherwise happen. Equestria appears peaceful, plentiful and polite. Sure they have their fair share of death, disease and turmoil, but not as much as many of the characters I see in the OC board would suggest.
Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe I'm assuming too much, but this is how I see it.
NICE POINT Morning Glory ^3^ but dont worry new Madness has nothing really special other than he has a guild and is insane, he naturally would have a sad or negative backstory in order to make him the kind of insane that i want ^-^
P.S. i dont REALLY have the most darkest saddest story ever, but its just interesting enough to catch the eye BUT not soo interesting that it steals the show
The tragedy in Azure's backstory is a reference to the first RP I was ever a part of. I like to keep it around because I'm sentimental like that,
a Constructive Critic? HOW RARE!
You can find our OC in our singnature below
Thank you! :D
Well... you all seem to have my work cut out for me. It will take me a while to review all of them. In the mean time I ask that you do not argue here. This is a courtesy that I am providing to help you with your OC's so that you can have something that can belong in the world of MLP:FiM or a majority of RPs out there. If I see a problem happening I will just ignore the post.
Again you do not have to send your requests here you can PM me.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 08, 03:07:38
Well... you all seem to have my work cut out for me. It will take me a while to review all of them. In the mean time I ask that you do not argue here. This is a courtesy that I am providing to help you with your OC's so that you can have something that can belong in the world of MLP:FiM or a majority of RPs out there. If I see a problem happening I will just ignore the post.
Again you do not have to send your requests here you can PM me.
*hugs*
Hi. If you have some free time could you check out my second character? My friend made him and now he wants to know what you think of him.
Please check out Sky Blaze's profile. It's in my signature.
O: My response didn't post! :'(
Guess i have to rewrite it.
Quote from: Night Pony on 2012 Jun 07, 14:02:43
I've been following this thread for some time and you give out some nice reviews.So I'd like to hear your opinion on my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2511.0)
They weren't designed for RP.Also I want to apologize for any mistakes in the text that I've made.
Take 2:
Night Shine:
Race: Alicorn. Some rooms would have an issue with this. Mainly because they feel Mary Sue about it. I say it's genetics. If two Earth Ponies can have a Pegasus and a Unicorn as kids then I say it should be possible to have an Alicorn.
Friends: I am sure that there would be at least somepony up at night some point. Not everypony is a day pony. Luna being a teacher seems nice, but the issue is that she is too young and is learning things herself. With that note if you manage to have a story of that you can have the lessons or training be behind the scenes. I always felt that a bit of character development even while no rp was happening was a nice way to keep the character fresh and moving along.
Ability: What exactly is her special talent? You say flying and magic is, but there are many different types out there. There is stunt flying and racing. There is healing magic and elemental. Find a nice balance between the two and also make sure that even though she is talented in it she can fail or mess something up some time.
Moon Violet:
This is honestly the most realistic pony of the two. I like the way she learned of her talent. As well as her care for her sister. To make a cute twist make her the younger pony (more younger. like almost a year).
Her ability seems to match that which is the setting of MLP:FiM.
If you use them in an RP at first have them both on and enjoying each other. Moon seems like the one to reach out a bit to other ponies first. If you play a long time or are able to toy around with things play one of the girls during the day and one at night.
These are very good characters and I hope you can flourish them out to fun siblings.
The small things that need to be changed or tweaked are really just minor and can be fixed as you feel them out in an RP or even a Fan Fic.
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 07, 13:35:22
I know i already got critiques for other chars, but even though they're gm chars could you review Fancy (yeah, from the show, sorry, but was part of a setting) and Bloodblade?
I dunnae want to tax the overwhelmed and esteemed bananamustang, but wouldn't mind a critique as well, if possible...
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2888.0
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jun 17, 18:15:01
Quote from: Night Pony on 2012 Jun 07, 14:02:43
I've been following this thread for some time and you give out some nice reviews.So I'd like to hear your opinion on my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2511.0)
They weren't designed for RP.Also I want to apologize for any mistakes in the text that I've made.
Take 2:
Night Shine:
Race: Alicorn. Some rooms would have an issue with this. Mainly because they feel Mary Sue about it. I say it's genetics. If two Earth Ponies can have a Pegasus and a Unicorn as kids then I say it should be possible to have an Alicorn.
Friends: I am sure that there would be at least somepony up at night some point. Not everypony is a day pony. Luna being a teacher seems nice, but the issue is that she is too young and is learning things herself. With that note if you manage to have a story of that you can have the lessons or training be behind the scenes. I always felt that a bit of character development even while no rp was happening was a nice way to keep the character fresh and moving along.
Ability: What exactly is her special talent? You say flying and magic is, but there are many different types out there. There is stunt flying and racing. There is healing magic and elemental. Find a nice balance between the two and also make sure that even though she is talented in it she can fail or mess something up some time.
Moon Violet:
This is honestly the most realistic pony of the two. I like the way she learned of her talent. As well as her care for her sister. To make a cute twist make her the younger pony (more younger. like almost a year).
Her ability seems to match that which is the setting of MLP:FiM.
If you use them in an RP at first have them both on and enjoying each other. Moon seems like the one to reach out a bit to other ponies first. If you play a long time or are able to toy around with things play one of the girls during the day and one at night.
These are very good characters and I hope you can flourish them out to fun siblings.
The small things that need to be changed or tweaked are really just minor and can be fixed as you feel them out in an RP or even a Fan Fic.
Thanks for the opinion.The thing is i haven't figured exactly her magic nor her skills.I always liked hybrid classes in games(who use magic and sword skills at the same time) and i figured to make night somewhat like them but flying and magic.
When making Night she was not designed for RPing so the fact that she is an alicorn should bother anypony(except the alicorn haters which are many.)
Also as i understand you think Luna is the teacher.No her dream is to become Luna's student but she is not,so she learns things herself and practices at night.
Thanks again for the review.
Sorry I have been busy again. I will make an attempt to clear out the requests during the weekend. If you see me on the irc just give me a poke to see if I am free. If I am and am not working on it just remind me. ^-^ :P
Don't worry I didn't forget you all. I am working on Morning Glory's OCs now. :D
No doubt its going to be something more or less closer to the review I gave them.
I also have another OC for you to sink your teeth into when you are caught up. Hopefully you're not getting overwhelmed with these.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2012 Jun 26, 17:18:28
No doubt its going to be something more or less closer to the review I gave them.
I also have another OC for you to sink your teeth into when you are caught up. Hopefully you're not getting overwhelmed with these.
OH DEAR CELESTIA! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!
No its all good.
Quote from: Morning Glory on 2012 Jun 06, 21:54:53
I'd love to have mine critiqued. Sorry they're so long. x3
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=470.0
Quote from: Morning Glory on 2012 Jun 06, 21:54:53
I'd love to have mine critiqued. Sorry they're so long. x3
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=470.0
Ok... sorry if the reviews are out of order. I am trying to take them as quickly and best I can when I have a free moment.
Morning Glory: I like this character because of the fact that she has so much to her personality which could make an interesting character in a long story arc. Her talent should have more of a story to it. How did she get it? Is it magic based? When did she realize it was a powerful tool when she used to its full potential?
Those items would shed light on her abilities so that if you RP with her other players will have an idea as to how to react to the things she does. Also consider that her ability might not persuade everypony every time.
Also I like the name swap with the fact that her name is pretty opposite her personality. I think of the flower and how pleasant and nice it is, but reading about her makes her seem like she isn't as nice as her name makes her to be.
Pen Bitten:
I like the way this character is put together so I really have nothing to say on this one. He is fairly normal interms of the show and it's character format.
Nightingale:
I like her conflict. Striving for perfection, but cant get over her fear of singing in public.I can see a bit of The Taming of the Shew here.
Merriweather:
This is a nice example of a character with a personal issue on a physical level that tries to over come the problem and helps others.
Coppershine:
This is a nice way of saying that gender doesnt matter to what you do in life.
I had to change up the way I was doing this for your OC's because they all are really good. I have no issues with them, but most of them seem to have a socialising issue. Try not to start a pattern when making OC's. Also add a specific talent for what they do. Nightingale, Pen, and Morning Glory all seem pretty obvious, but Merri and Copper might need to be spelled out better or narrowed down a bit.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jul 11, 10:36:19
Quote from: Morning Glory on 2012 Jun 06, 21:54:53
I'd love to have mine critiqued. Sorry they're so long. x3
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=470.0
Quote from: Morning Glory on 2012 Jun 06, 21:54:53
I'd love to have mine critiqued. Sorry they're so long. x3
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=470.0
Ok... sorry if the reviews are out of order. I am trying to take them as quickly and best I can when I have a free moment.
Morning Glory: I like this character because of the fact that she has so much to her personality which could make an interesting character in a long story arc. Her talent should have more of a story to it. How did she get it? Is it magic based? When did she realize it was a powerful tool when she used to its full potential?
Those items would shed light on her abilities so that if you RP with her other players will have an idea as to how to react to the things she does. Also consider that her ability might not persuade everypony every time.
Also I like the name swap with the fact that her name is pretty opposite her personality. I think of the flower and how pleasant and nice it is, but reading about her makes her seem like she isn't as nice as her name makes her to be.
Pen Bitten:
I like the way this character is put together so I really have nothing to say on this one. He is fairly normal interms of the show and it's character format.
Nightingale:
I like her conflict. Striving for perfection, but cant get over her fear of singing in public.I can see a bit of The Taming of the Shew here.
Merriweather:
This is a nice example of a character with a personal issue on a physical level that tries to over come the problem and helps others.
Coppershine:
This is a nice way of saying that gender doesnt matter to what you do in life.
I had to change up the way I was doing this for your OC's because they all are really good. I have no issues with them, but most of them seem to have a socialising issue. Try not to start a pattern when making OC's. Also add a specific talent for what they do. Nightingale, Pen, and Morning Glory all seem pretty obvious, but Merri and Copper might need to be spelled out better or narrowed down a bit.
Thanks very much for this critique. I realize it was a lot of work and I appreciate your dedication.
I like what you have to say about MG- I do need to flesh out her talent a little more. My idea for her name and talent is that it related to her earth pony mother, as flower names and earthy talents are more the realm of earth ponies.
Merri is almost a ponysona to be honest, but I agree her talent needs more exploration as well.
Coppershine is being developed in RP, and once that comes along more I'll edit her a little.
You're right, all my characters struggle with socializing. I never noticed that before but it's a good point. Maybe because I do myself? I'm not sure why I did that. Something to look into and explore.
I'm so glad you started this thread and that you put in the effort to offer clear, honest advice. Thank you again, and good luck with the other evaluations you have to do.
Quote from: Lusterless Nova on 2012 Jun 17, 15:48:51
Hi. If you have some free time could you check out my second character? My friend made him and now he wants to know what you think of him.
Please check out Sky Blaze's profile. It's in my signature.
This is where you draw a fine line between OP and creatively making something new.
If he is being used in an RP then his interaction or life with the mane six has to be cut back or taken away completely. Working for Sweet Apple Acres and racing Rainbow Dash doesn't seem like it would work because it would affect the daily lives of the mane cast. Part of the idea for some RP rooms is that their times coincide with the show.
You attempted to create a new race pretty much, which is fine, but you made him over powered. The special talent isn't really a talent. that seems more like a special attack, but it is an OP attack. If I understand that right it says he gets to mach 1 (yet still loses to RD in races) and is engulfed with flames that can make him grow 5 times in size (because of the flames) and cause and explosion. This is obviously OP.
A talent is something ponies do on a regular basis. Art, cooking, singing, acting, writing, specific magic use, acrobatics, etc.
The additional info shows your attempt to try to give him restrictions to not seem or be OP, but it makes it worse. To not take damage after reaching an intense speed and a catastrophic explosion seems a bit much. To fly for almost non-stop is also quite a bit much, because even RD needs to take a break.
This is another case of a non-unicorn using magic in some way. It might not seem it, but that is the case for the character. He is engulfed in flames and he isn't a dragon.
You can work around somethings if you give him a detailed enough back story that works but there is a lot that has to be removed or changed.
Quote from: Chautauquan on 2012 Jun 18, 00:57:20
I dunnae want to tax the overwhelmed and esteemed bananamustang, but wouldn't mind a critique as well, if possible...
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2888.0
OK so he can't learn medicine but he finds out his talent is studying. Change that so the practical side of the medical field wasn't something he was able to do. If that is what you meant then you need to word it slightly different.
If anything you can have him be a historian or a teacher or something. I can see a few funny moments coming through with this OC because he would know so much and try to be friendly to others possibly pointing out when they are wrong with something.
Overall this is a good humble pony and he needs just little work to fit in to FiM.
Quote from: Vick McBread on 2012 Jun 07, 22:34:57
a Constructive Critic? HOW RARE!
You can find our OC in our singnature below
Thank you! :D
Occupation: Teacher should be older a bit to give a sign saying that he has learned things and is well enough at the point in life that he can teach. 22 would be fine, but not for a high school.
As I said in the skype call with you: a lot needs to be changed. Your character at this point is OP and is all over the place. If you are trying to created a ponysona of yourself you need to ponify a lot of things and keep a lot of your actual private life out of the pony. A lot of the idea of your pony or OC is to play a game or create a means of escape from the toils of life to another world for a brief time.
After looking through the profile this isn't really an OC this is more about the person than the pony.
Sorry, but there isn't really anything here I can truly review.
I think I got everyone that was waiting. If not let me know. For those that probably didn't get the response they were thinking: don't forget that my input is for rooms and places with strict rules or to make your character more show friendly. A lot of what some of you did is very creative and also very impressive. ^-^
i think i was somewhere but i don't mind. I know that you are a busy... colt.
I currently have 3 Oc's. You already gave me your critique about my main OC Lusterless nova and if you want you can do so again.
But what i really would like to know is what you think about my other 2 OC's. Sky Blaze and Illumina Nova.
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=3109
Quote from: Lusterless Nova on 2012 Jul 17, 15:37:22
i think i was somewhere but i don't mind. I know that you are a busy... colt.
I currently have 3 Oc's. You already gave me your critique about my main OC Lusterless nova and if you want you can do so again.
But what i really would like to know is what you think about my other 2 OC's. Sky Blaze and Illumina Nova.
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=3109
He critiqued Sky Blaze. Didn't you see it? I think he did.. :s
`
Whoops. My apologies.
In that case is only one left. Please tell me what you think about Illumina Nova.
Quote from: bananamustang on 2012 Jul 14, 13:49:23
Quote from: Lusterless Nova on 2012 Jun 17, 15:48:51
Hi. If you have some free time could you check out my second character? My friend made him and now he wants to know what you think of him.
Please check out Sky Blaze's profile. It's in my signature.
This is where you draw a fine line between OP and creatively making something new.
If he is being used in an RP then his interaction or life with the mane six has to be cut back or taken away completely. Working for Sweet Apple Acres and racing Rainbow Dash doesn't seem like it would work because it would affect the daily lives of the mane cast. Part of the idea for some RP rooms is that their times coincide with the show.
You attempted to create a new race pretty much, which is fine, but you made him over powered. The special talent isn't really a talent. that seems more like a special attack, but it is an OP attack. If I understand that right it says he gets to mach 1 (yet still loses to RD in races) and is engulfed with flames that can make him grow 5 times in size (because of the flames) and cause and explosion. This is obviously OP.
A talent is something ponies do on a regular basis. Art, cooking, singing, acting, writing, specific magic use, acrobatics, etc.
The additional info shows your attempt to try to give him restrictions to not seem or be OP, but it makes it worse. To not take damage after reaching an intense speed and a catastrophic explosion seems a bit much. To fly for almost non-stop is also quite a bit much, because even RD needs to take a break.
This is another case of a non-unicorn using magic in some way. It might not seem it, but that is the case for the character. He is engulfed in flames and he isn't a dragon.
You can work around somethings if you give him a detailed enough back story that works but there is a lot that has to be removed or changed.
Thank you. I will give my friend this and maybe he will edit him.
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 17, 18:46:44
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 07, 13:35:22
I know i already got critiques for other chars, but even though they're gm chars could you review Fancy (yeah, from the show, sorry, but was part of a setting) and Bloodblade?
please?
*slaps another pony profile on top of the pile*
Terra Rose (http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=3072.0)
Go for it, tiger.
Bananaaa, on Skype you said you'd look at mine. ^-^
I added more information to Moonbeam and finished the information for Breezy. The link is in my signature, when you get the chance. :]
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jul 17, 17:40:43
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 17, 18:46:44
Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Jun 07, 13:35:22
I know i already got critiques for other chars, but even though they're gm chars could you review Fancy (yeah, from the show, sorry, but was part of a setting) and Bloodblade?
please?
Descriptions and art of my OCs here: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2636
I am so going to regret doing this.
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=3587.0
There, Shorn.
His species is meant to be dangerous and powerful beyond belief when it comes to predator stuff, so it's less him that's OP and more just what he is. I know he's OP. He's for a fic really, and I made him the way he is for plot purposes & giggles. Even his generic weird thing!
Also, this post made me realize something.
There is not a single really neutral face, the closes is the uh huh one.