Zap

[ZacharyW]

Name:Zap

Gender:Male

Race:Pegasi

Age:18

Job:Knight

Hobby:Studying magic and being a real friend.

Traits:Brave, Kind, and knowledgeable.

Personality:Zap is quiet sometimes but can hold up a conversation when it's something he knows. He acts like Twilight.
Studying when he is not on his guard shift. He doesn't talk about his past much but says something about a robotic Pegasi.

Skills:Is skilled in defense and knows about the potential magic has despite him being a Pegasi.

Likes:Twilight, his friends, Cloudsdale, Ponyville, and His comrades.

Dislikes:Evil, Monsters, and anyone who messes with his friends.

Enemy:The Mechanical Pony, AKA 1A the Pegasus Device.

Bio:Zap is a fighter at heart but is not violent. He only fights when needed to or when one of his friends is in danger. He also a master of solving puzzles. At the age of 14 when he took the test that all Pegasi take he failed and disappeared. He was found in Ponyville a week later babbling on about a factory and about some psychotic mechanical Pony machine that he said was still alive and was after him. that was 4 years ago now he is a guard of Cloudsdale and frequently visits Ponyville on his days off. He likes hanging out with Twilight who he thinks likes him to. Zap is an adventurer and will follow a friend on an adventure and discover new things. But despite this one thing that stops him in his tracks is the mere thought of the mechanical Pony he saw when he was 14. He looks outside his house at night  and the memories still haunt him. He still believes the machine is alive and is planning it vengeance against him. But until then he lives happily and does not tell much of his past unless if someone brings it up then he quickly changes the subject.

[Alexander321]

Cool! ouo

[Cotton Ball]

oh no not the rainbow factory

[ZacharyW]

Don't worry Zap blew it up. But didn't destroy 1A.... Well not entirely.

[Cotton Ball]

Good I read the fan fic and would have done the same thing snd destoryed falf of the 1A

[Gracie Sky]

Being a real friend can be a hobby, huh? I really never considered it like that.

Anyways, one thing that bugs me is how you say "Acts like Twilight". It really takes out of your originality when you ask your reader to compare your character to an already existing character. You're also counting on the fact that we know what kind of pony Twilight Sparkle is. Instead of telling us that he acts like Twilight, you should spell out those things about Twilight that also describe Zap, such as Studious, Analytical, or . I realize he respects and imitates Twilight akin to a role model, and I encourage you to state that as well as what exactly made him so fond of her in the first place. It would help a lot.

Um... what kind of cutie mark is that, anyways? No pony story is complete without knowing the story behind his or her cutie mark!

[ZacharyW]

Sorry for description and all but I am new to RPs seeing as no one invites me or lets me join.  Oh well at least I'm trying.

As for his cutie mark let me explain what it exactly is.
It's actually a symbol from a universe of my creation. It's the symbol of Heroism, Honor, Loyalty, and Valor. Practically it means that he's good at heart and is a fighter who protects those closest to him and stands for what he believes in.