First MLP OC

Started by Wishing Star, 2013 Nov 27, 07:37:33

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Wishing Star

Well it's been years and years since I've RPed or even done any serious creative writing. Critique is welcome!

Name: Wishing Star
Race: Unicorn
Gender: Mare
Age: 17
Birthday: November 27th
Cutie Mark: Silvery-blue Shooting Star
Coloring: Lavender with dark purple (almost black) mane and tail
Likes: Nature, Caring for young fillies and colts, Reading, Shiny things
Dislikes: Braggarts, Mundane chores

Wishing Star is the youngest of four children, all Unicorns born of Unicorn parents. Her parents were from Canterlot, but being anthropologists, they've moved around quite a bit. The last move was to Appleloosa shortly before Wishing Star was born, where they reside to this day, to study and work with the region's native buffalo. Together they are a great team. The father, North Star, loves exploring new places and trying new things. The mother, Columba, is an activist for creatures' equal rights, no matter how strange or unusual. She wants to save the world, and he is happy to go along for the ride. Naturally their own fillies and colts inherited their passions, and Wishing Star is a prime example of this.

In a word, Wishing Star is a dreamer. She has her mother's idealism, and a fair amount of naivety as well.  Although her magical potential is strong, she's never been able to focus enough to develop her skills. However, she has always been a teacher's pet and favored by adults, much in the way one might adore and coddle a puppy acting like a watchdog. She means well, and always puts tremendous effort into her tasks, but her goals are usually much too lofty. Not to mention that she has so many! Dragon trainer, great magician, bush journalist, mediator between nations.... And it's not a matter of which to choose, but how to accomplish them all!

Her natural magical ability is inspiration. Ponies who spend a lot of time with her find that they solve problems and arrive at conclusions more efficiently. Her imagination knows no bounds, and she can help creative ponies break through the worst mental blocks. If only she could put her magic to work on herself!

Wishing Star is nearing the end of her formal studies, and although she would be more than welcome to put down roots in her little town, her dreams are pushing her out into the world. These hooves are itching for adventure!


Ramisha

Do you need a drawing of her?
I would be more than happy to provide it.
Just please, tell me what is her mane and tail style. :)

Wishing Star

Thanks for the offer, Ramisha! But a friend already has one in the works for me  ;)

Ramisha


Gracie Sky

I need to commend you on the quality of this OC. She's really well done and has limitless potential as a character, many a rare trait in most OCs I critique. I even like her name! Very well put together.

A dreamer... imagination... naively idealistic... I love these traits in a pony; it means they have a big heart. However, what she does with all of this is what will make her truely a developed and great character. There is a fundamental flaw that needs a resolution, her focus. She seems to have many aspirations, but it doesn't seem she has something she is exceptionally good at, something we could consider a special talent.

You mention she is good at inspiring creativity, which I think is what you wanted to be her special talent and the basis for her cutie mark. If so, you will need to more clearly establish that. One sure fire way to do that is to explain how exactly she aquired her cutie mark. If she got it by inspiring another pony, then it will leave no question that this is her life's calling.

You also named her parents, which in most cases is superfluous. Only if the parent(s) is currently making an impact on the character in the present (as in the character sees the parent on a near daily basis) is the name really required. I use Twilight Sparkle's and Rarity's parents as examples: neither of them are named, despite making cameo appearances. I believe there is a good reason they are left unnamed and try to discourage other authors from naming the parents of their OCs. You can simply state what they did and what was inherited from them without saying their names.

Other than that, yeah, I'd love more details on her creative powers and how they coincide with her everyday life.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

Wishing Star

Thank you Gracie! I'm still working out exactly how she got her cutie mark. I agree that it's quite an important event, especially since my current description of her abilities is pretty vague.
I named the parents mostly because I think I'd like to write about them in the future. They sound like fascinating ponies that I'd love to get to know better lol. Also Wishing Star's story starts out at home, so her parents would be around and about as well.
Thanks again!

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