Escape to the Future OOC

[Peace Keeper]

I felt you did a great part in the RP, probably better than me. I have not much experience in RPing myself; I only have a history of being in 2 short RPs that just went silent. For you being a first-timer, you went great. You will do fine in other RPs.

[Gracie Sky]

Nocturna
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If I had to say what your biggest weakness is, it would be your lack of confidence in your abilities, and that's something you just recently revealed to me... I am a bit worried about how you precieve my opinion of your RPing abilities. I honestly think you do fine. You have a cool head and your posts are rational and well concieved, features I tend to look forward to in your posts. You and your character have made massive contributions to the RP. In fact, Nocturna is probably the most important character in this storyarc and undergoes the most development of all the characters, hooves down. The way you allude to Nocturna's hidden feelings early in the story did not go unnoticed by me. In fact, I had to go back to look for problems with your RPing, although that could just mean your flaws are harder to notice.

The only real problem that I have with your posts is the amount of content in them. While each post is fluent and of consistent quality, they seemed disappointingly short. While you may simply not have anything more constructive to add to a post, I cannot believe that every post you do suffers from that reasoning. I just get the feeling you have a lot of potential for exploring a situation, but settle with the bare minimum of information to give in a post. I think your biggest post was when she was recalling her memories of what happened to her son (whom I still don't know the correct name to), and yet that was concluded in about a half a paragraph. I spend half a paragraph talking about the way grass tastes; irrelevant but informative, right? I just feel like you're painting inside the space of a postcard when you have an entire canvas to work with. The level of immersion you are capable of can be much greater if you take the time to go into the finer details.

About your OC, it's actually hard for me to figure anything out about her after that last letter she wrote. Barring that, she's very down to earth and collected, but it seems she has trouble maintaining that control. It seems a lot of mystery still surrounds her, but it's controlled mystery, meaning you are aware of it and it is a part of who she is. I deliberately make characters with a bunch of unknowns about them, Gracie Sky included, so I know all about the level of depth that concealing the right facts can give a character. I also like how she adapts to the ponies she meets. She is formal with the Peace brothers, casual with Illusion and Breaker, and soft with Gracie Sky. I honestly can't see any room for improvement with this character as she is now that does impede with the core of her character. The only thing left to do is expand on her character... which seems difficult as her life expectancy seems to be... unstable. Still one of the better OCs out there. I definately would like to see the potential of both you and her more realized.

[Stryder221]

Now that I've seen how your critiques are, I don't think I'd mind you looking into my RP skills and my OCs.

Go ahead, tear it all apart as much as you need to! I don't mind!

[Nocturna]

The only reason I didn't elaborate as much as I probably should've is the fact that I basically was trying to act as a get-the-ball-rolling and keep-it-going most of the time, leading to more quick posts to advance the story. That's no excuse for my terrible quality, though I wanted to point it out.

The foal was also part of her life construct, the name never really revealed for it because no character pointed out the inconsistency. Starbright was the true name though, of that timeline's Nocturna.

About Nocturna, the OC Description of her goes over the gist. She's dropped into the different timelines, under varying different circumstances. Ponies eventually come along(the other roleplayers, for example) which starts the middle to end. At the end of every timeline, she always ends up back into the vortex, depositing her once more. She grows and learns, but retains no memory or recollection. I did that as an experiment, but I'll probably end up using my new OC or a brand new one I currently have in the works(trying to find someone who could digitally design it for free, any of you know someone?) for future roleplays.

I appreciate the critique Gracie!

[Gracie Sky]

I apologize with the delays, but I'm not finding a lot of free time lately. I expect to get the time on Tuesday, at the very latest.

[Nocturna]

Alright, that's perfectly fine Gracie! ^.^

[Gracie Sky]

Stryder221
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From what I've seen so far, you have a good grasp of character dynamics. Both of the characters you brought, Breaker and Illusion, had a lot of character and you did a good job with expressing it. You also controlled two characters at once, allowing you to control the chemistry between them. I do feel that the interactions between Breaker and Illusion were interesting. They constantly played off of each other's insecurities. While that might not be too difficult since you control both of them, most of these insecurities are born from events that occured in the RP, which you don't control. This clearly demonstrates your abilities to adapt without compromising your characters' integrity.

I also enjoy your use of narration. It's very informative and compliments the dialouge your characters engage in.

There's only two problems I could "conjure" up after reviewing a bit of your material, but they do merit mention. The first is your general aggressiveness when you RP. The primary issue I have concerning this subject is your use of CAPITAL LETTERS, they make you sound irritated or upset when you use them. Reviewing my posts, I think I used caps for a few words, but Gracie was clearly stressed when using them, which is the reason I think they should be used. I have to admit I feel a bit intimidated when you use all caps. Perhaps your characters were also stressed at the time as well, but there are a few instances where the narration uses them, which I thought was out of place. If you weren't trying to sound aggressive, I'd recommend another way to emphasize a particular word or phrase. Of course, if you were trying to sound aggressive, then it worked!

The second issue is probably less of an issue and more of a side effect in the way you chose to RP. You chose to RP with two characters. While it gives you a lot more control in when it to what gets said, it also contains the potential of your interactions with the rest of the cast your don't control. Essentially, it increases the amount of RPing you do with yourself, which is more akin to storytelling than RPing. I realize Peace Keeper also used two characters (and even more), but I believe as the GM, he needs that extra flexibility to keep the story going. Now, remember, I'm only bringing this up so you are aware of my stance on the subject; it's not a problem and you handle using two characters well. There are also a lot of instances where two characters have so much chemistry that they have to be played together. It's highly possible that Illusion and Breaker share that sort of chemistry. I guess all I wanted to say is "Be careful".

[Stryder221]

Huh, I honestly thought I'd done a whole lot worse in... Well, now for my "Defense".

1. I do not believe I had intended to sound very aggressive, at least not as the narrator. Looking back at those posts, I feel that bold text would've served my purposes better. I'll be sure to keep this in mind for the future. But, since you admit to being intimidated, this leads me to believe I'd make the (almost) perfect monster or bad guy in a horror RP. 

2. I suppose my 'story-telling' style is also a side-effect of what I tend to do in my spare time, that being reading and occasionally writing fiction of the fan-made variety. (This also results in what I believe to be a noticeably slow post-rate compared to others, as I feel obligated to go through my posts several times with a fine toothed comb before actually using them.) I see what you're saying, though, and I do try to be careful with controlling multiple characters, albeit perhaps for different reasons.

Thank you for going through the effort, Gracie. I'll be certain to keep your advice in mind in the future. 

[Nocturna]

So Peace, what do you think would be a good idea for a sequel?

[Peace Keeper]

I was thinking a situation where you try to bring back the future ponies to help with a situation of the three tribes. Well it is kinda an idea, but you can help pitch in an idea. Everyone can fill in ideas.

[Nocturna]

Well Nocturna is gone, effectively dead, so she won't really be doing anything anymore. We could do something involving my OC Holly Flier, unsure what though

[Peace Keeper]

Wait.. what!? Oh, okay. Hmm... gonna be tough if your OC pretty much knows time travel so well.

Hmm... if it were to go back in time, Peacemaker must know some way to time travel. If in the beginning of the RP they accidentally went back from a spell. Probably a message from the past to come to the future (current) time and ask for help.

I'll just wait here for other's responses or ideas. Perhaps we can all work something out to make a sequel to it.

[Nocturna]

Perhaps the past ponies going to the future(present) would be better, to maintain the integrity of the alternative timeline story. That, or my other OC could be of no relevance to Nocturna(probably better), and we do go back in time at some point.

[Peace Keeper]

Hmm, that could work as well.
Both ideas can work.

[Gracie Sky]

I'd rather you just RP as the raven until a good excuse to meet Nocturna surfaces. I'm sure there is a good workaround or another version of Nocturna that could be encountered.

However, my main concern would be the possible premise of this sequel you're contemplating on. Previously, the premise was ponies going back into time where segregation and prejudice still existed. The teleportation was completely accidental. This leaves only two possible paths that would be worth pursuing, although both seem highly unlikely unless I really stretch things.

1) The group goes back deliberately. Peacekeeper already made it clear that he didn't wish to mess with the timeline, so going back on purpose seems counter-intuitive. That also brings up the question about why a book containing a spell for time travel existed in a public area. I mean... if we did go back, I'm assuming we'd use that same book, which got me thinking about why it was there in the first place. Clearly the next step Peacekeeper should take is turning that book into the authorities before somepony else accidentally goes back in time. The only plausable explanation would be that the book was deliberately put there to be used by Peacekeeper by somepony who knew he would accidentally read it. The reason to go back would be based on who this pony was.

2) The past group comes to the present. They apparently have the means to time travel even back in the past, and it apparently works. I'd like to say no, though, since it brings up the possibility that several ponies could have time-traveled to any point in time, since the spell exists. It could be stated that the details of the spell were hidden to prevent its abuse, but by whom? The developer of the spell, Nocturna, doesn't exist any longer, leaving the two choices to be the spell was buried or was kept hidden by somepony else. Regardless, it wouldn't make sense for the past group to use the spell... unless they brought it into the present to prevent anypony between then and now from using it. In that case, though, they would probably be stranded in the current time.

[Peace Keeper]

Gots some good points. Just have to find a way. I always believe HOW it can happen.

1) Yea, my OC will definitely would't want to go back after the dangers of time-travel and the situation at that time. Also he would give the book to someone to keep it away from others from accidentally stumble into the past. Though my OC is gullible into things, and believes in a lot, convincing him shouldn't be too much of a problem, although if it is dangerous, it is a no-no to him.

2) Hmm... that idea could mean that if a pony was given the spell to time travel, it has to be a well-trusted pony who knows to never give out the spell and may have used it for serious help. Not sure, just thinking of a possibility.


So... hmm... where can we start? I gots no ideas yet.

[Nocturna]

I have no idea, my focus is on other things currently, one thing being my own roleplay creation xD

[Gracie Sky]

Yeah, I'm not exactly sure this RP needs a sequel. If it did, it would have to take place immediately after the end of the current one, or you risk Gracie Sky returning to the orphanage. But doing it so soon feels kind of rushed and it brings up other complications too, such as whether or not there will be brand new RPers or only the ones that took part in the original. My vote would be to just go our seperate ways and possibly join in other RPs together. There are a few RPers here I would gladly follow into another RP.

I've also been contemplating hosting my own RP, although I'm skeptical about it, since I tend to try and go over the top in most of my endeavors. I fear I would alienate possible RPers with excessive complexity and rules. Perhaps my skills are better utilized assisting others with the quality of their RPs.

[Nocturna]

I guess we need to conclude it then. There is potential, but perhaps it should be revisited by us later, or by others.

If any of you want to, I'd love some of you to participate in my new roleplay when I create it. Message me on my proper account(Jcfraven) for details .

[Peace Keeper]

Oh well. Guess the sequel wont happen then. So lets just end it and close it up.
I thought this RP could have better potential, but I mean I am no big time RPer. Also, didn't expect for this RP to finish this soon. I think a lot has been rushed a little too quickly, especially me botching the farewell. Oh well... a bit too late to turn it back.

Well I can say I really thank all of you for participating. Things did kinda went smoothly. Did brought out some nice stories and suspense, and I appreciate it. Was some experience to remember, and hope to learn from this as well. Hope to meet some of y'all soon.