Ponystories: White Shimmer (Discussion)

Started by White Shimmer, 2013 Nov 20, 12:43:43

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White Shimmer

2013 Nov 20, 12:43:43 Last Edit: 2013 Nov 20, 13:22:18 by White Shimmer
This will be or is the discussion thread for my 1st story,
Ponystories: White Shimmer: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=9420.0

Just leave your critic here.

Ramisha

"Twillight...Twillight! Are you okay?"
"Spike? Forget the letters and go wake up the
others. We're meeting at Fluttershys cottage!"

you messed up the colors at this part.
ANyway it's really interesting! I can't wait to read more  :D

Gracie Sky

It's a good story for a beginner. You have the essentials for a good plot to develop.

There are a few technical problems with it. You have a tendency not to capitalize "I" when used by itself. Fluttershy's dialouge color is really hard to see on this white background. I don't normally recommend using colored fonts when doing dialouge, but it is very helpful with a setup like you have, where characters are speaking without any narration in between. Lastly... um... well, you advance the plot disturbingly quickly.

However, don't bother yourself with the details I brought up just yet. It's more important that you finish telling your story before you start worrying about what needs to improve. So keep going.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

White Shimmer

Thanks for the tips, Guys!

The colours are already right, thanks for the hint, Ramisha!

And the point that the plot is advanced very quickly is a bit right.
But that was just the Prologue, the real story will be longer.
Something like 10-15 Chapters and a Epilogue....

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