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Started by Asterian Starfall, 2013 Aug 06, 11:24:34
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QuoteWhen they had arrived, it did not take long to realize that Merriweather had woke up; she hooted happily at her master, only for her to dart towards Lunar she moment she saw him.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2013 Oct 07, 21:21:10Oh, also, one piece of a sentence that contained an errorQuoteWhen they had arrived, it did not take long to realize that Merriweather had woke up; she hooted happily at her master, only for her to dart towards Lunar she moment she saw him.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2013 Oct 07, 21:21:10Hehe, now that you've done it, you should really put a cliffhanger like you just did here at the end of each of your chapters hinting at the next chapter.As usual, I feel the pacing of your story is really quick, although at least it's consistent. Miss Pine comes over to Asterian's home in order to admit to sending a potential love interest to Asterian for the purpose of being a potential love interest. When questioned about her love life, she conveniently disappears as fast as she appeared. In order to make sure there's not more than a 10 minute lapse in the action, in comes a long time friend who disappeared 2 years ago until this very moment. Let's have an impromptu party which consists of talking and drinking water. Asterian is then compelled to find Octavia and Terra... and actually finds them because he knows where they both live... and brings them back to meet and potentially be wooed by one of his best friends.I realize I'm probably being unfair to you, it's just I use a more drawn out, digressive approach to writing. More than listening to anything I have to say, I want you to stay true to your method of writing. If you're satisfied with what you have written, that is more important than any opinion I can give. But, of course, I believe if you... tripled the length of the material you have, going into more detail about the lead up, occurrences, and transitions between your scenes, it would make the whole thing seem less... sudden.