OC: Checkmate

Started by Checkmate, 2013 Jul 10, 02:12:02

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Checkmate

2013 Jul 10, 02:12:02 Last Edit: 2014 Jul 08, 00:05:55 by Checkmate
Hi all! I'm new to this forum, and so decided to post my OC here!!  I'm not sure if there's a format or not, so I'll do my best to make it clear!  If you have any questions, ask!

Name: Checkmate

Gender: Male

Pony Type: Unicorn

Coat Color: Black

Mane & Tail Color: White

Cutie Mark: A White Knight from Chess.

Talent: Strategy and Tactics.

Occupation: Commander of the Royal Guard.

Personality: Very curt and can come off as standoffish to those whom he is not familiar with.  To any friends he makes, he is more light, but still tends to take things seriously.  Not one for pranks or jokes, Checkmate prefers intelligent conversation any day.  To those who don't know him, he may come off as emotionless, and refuses to react to anything.

Backstory: Born and raised in Manehatten, Checkmate is certainly no stranger to strife.  Raised in an orphanage, Checkmate never knew his parents, and was constantly abused and neglected.  At a young age, he made a deal with a zebra curse-master to lock away his emotions, becoming able to focus on his schooling.  Checkmate would becoming incredibly intelligent, albeit with zero social skills.  As an emotionless pony, he would gain his rank by joining the Royal Guards.  He would rise through the ranks rapidly despite attempts to force him out due to his size.  He would end up being chosen for the rank of Commander after he showed his tactical prowess by managing to scare off a dragon with only five guards, and not a single pony being injured.  Afterwards, he became somewhat well known within the guards for his sheer emotionless facade, with ponies wondering if he was a legitimate robot.

Likes: Quiet time, chess, victory.

Dislikes: Loss, those he considers "annoying" (Loud, obnoxious, pranksters, etc.), emotional people.


Spoiler: show


Gracie Sky

Ooh, a tactician pony. Haven't seen one of them yet.

Despite it being... short, I don't see any issues with how you developed the character. The only thing that I wonder is how he proves his tactical prowess when Equestria's army is rarely at war with anything. Perhaps a few examples of his strategies in action would help establish the credibility he earned with the Royal Guard.

Oh, I'm also curious about him only trusting himself. Are you saying he didn't have any friends, even through school? I realize he's not the friendliest pony to approach, but being a egghead, surely there were other eggheads who could hold an intelligent conversation with him. Not even a teacher? Wasn't he in the chess club?
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

Checkmate

I should expand on it a little with stories about him proving his prowess, that's a great idea! Thank you!

For him only trusting himself, I should explain a little.  Although he was in chess club, and he was willing to have intelligent conversations with people, he didn't have any ponies he recognized as friends.  He would never let anyone get close enough to him to recognize that, and as such, he was kind of that kid who sits in the back of the room and knows everything in school.

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