My Little Invader: Conquest is Magic (Discussion)

Started by Charizard_2, 2013 Apr 20, 16:33:11

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2013 Apr 20, 16:33:11 Last Edit: 2013 Apr 20, 16:37:35 by Charizard_2
I have created the begining of a crossover with My Little Pony and Invader Zim. I recently got this idea from watching MLP and IZ stuff on youtube, and I realized that there were so many similarites between them, so I thought Why not write a crossover? I checked the rules and found nothing against crossovers, so if the mods tell me I can't continue the series, I'll just delete the thread.

This is the place to discuss ideas, critique, constructive criticism, etc.

I actually want as much as constructive criticism as possible. Tell me if I mispell any words, put commas where they're not supposed to be or anything of the sort.

Also, I just wanted to make it clear that there aren't going to be deaths in this story. I won't tell you if Zim actually takes over Equestria or if Earth is restored back to normal or not until the end. Just don't think of Zim as violent and murderous.
With pie comes great responsibility.

My Pony Name: Charred Flame (Char for short)

Gracie Sky

I don't particularly like cross-overs, nor do I know anything about Invader Zim aside from what you explained, but I gave your work a look over, since you wanted some feedback on your writing.

Your descriptions of the characters are really cute and silly. They do a good job letting the reader know the basics of the character without adding excessive backstory.

The first part of your story seems to be... I'm thinking the fall of Earth, although it's a bit loony and anticlimatic, which may or may not have been your intent. The second part is Zim reporting his success, but his authorities send him on another wild goose chase in an also silly fashion. Lastly comes the part where you establish Twilight Sparkle's current agenda, although one thing I am missing is the setting. Is Twilight in her Library or in Canterlot? If she is in her library, does she really have servants there? If she does, would she really order them to message her back and read her books? It seems a but un-Twilight-like, considering her relationship with Spike, who already does whatever she wants for the most part. Just take that into consideration.

Other than that, it was fairly amusing to read. You are aiming for humor, I'm pretty sure. I do appreciate authors attempting humor and you don't do a bad job at it.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

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