(Discussion) Doctor Whooves and Assistant: Goin' Bananas

Started by Jenzy, 2012 Nov 13, 21:51:51

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Story: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=5580.0

I guess this goes here. Since it relates to the Doctor Whooves and Assistant TIMELINE. This story takes place in between "Apples and Arguments" where The Doctor and Derpy start to argue, and The Doctor leaves temporarily. He later returns to the same point in time (Off by a few seconds/minutes) to re-unite with Derpy, and if you've watched the series, you know what happens then... (More "Apples and Arguments!" :0)

Feel free to share your thoughts about how well I'm doing with my story. :)

Chapter 1 is up! Discuss! How do you think I should start Chapter 2? What happens next?

Now, spoiler-tag any reference to the ending... x3

Gracie Sky

I read the first chapter, curious if your writing was as good as your drawing.

You'll have to bear with me, as I have little to no knowledge of Doctor Who. I only know he has a curious manner of talking. With that said, you seem to be very good at character portrayal. I could see the characters really saying the things you have them saying, and it all feels loony in general. With that said, there's no build up, no rhyme, no reason behind the story. It's like I'm reading chapter 2, wondering what happened beforehand to lead up to all of this. The flow of the story is also very fast-paced, with little to no time to develop the current scene before we're off to who knows where.

Whether the things I mentioned are good or bad or what you intended I'll leave to you, these are just my initial impressions.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!


Well, I actually need the criticism. The thoughts of y'all and how I can improve. Thanks very much! ^-^

Well, I did tag it "Random." Though, I'll really have to explain and slow the such fast pacing in the story. I knew I should've added a lot more. I'll keep that in mind. x3

Also, I haven't started Chapter 2 yet. I've formed an idea in a Free-Write in Humanities, though this one's too fast paced.

Scrapped ideas:
Spoiler: show
It has Jenzy performing a temporary "Quantum-locking" spell to freeze the Weeping Pegasi.

Would make it less suspenseful. And faster-paced.

Spoiler: show
Jenzy uses a Gold Carrot/Invincibility Leaf/Invincibility Item to turn to Gold Alicorn Jenzy/White Tanooki Jenzy/Invincible temporarily and go through and break the Weeping Pegasi along the way...

Makes my sona too OP here, despite being 'temporary' and 'rare.' Also moves on the story too quickly...

I might remove the Category "Comedy." It might not really be that comedic. :s

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