Remember to read the forum rules!
Started by Gracie Sky, 2012 Sep 02, 01:43:33
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2012 Nov 08, 21:03:03This is a critique for Majem by Chirp.To be completely frank, the idea of an elemental pony, much less an entire family of differently aligned elemental ponies, is not a bad idea, but it breaks my suspension of disbelief. I just can't see these ponies existing in Equestria outside foal's tale books.They're not really elementals, just Majem, but I get your point. I just thought it'd be fun to write it like that since they'll never actually get RP time or anything. Besides, I need a break from haunted pony pasts, a family living together in harmony seemed nice to me.I've never seen evidence to suggest that a pony can use magic to transform their body into water. Of course, it's magic, so anything is theoretically possible. Still, a spell like this would probably be forbidden, or at least very secretive, since I don't see ponies turning into water on a normal basis. At least secretive enough that a farmer's son would not have access to such a spell. It makes me wonder how he learned this spell in the first place, unless he just picked it up or even invented it.Hmm, yes. Well, to be honest, I made up Majem so I could join Magus' "Pony Cosmology" RP. I just started out as a water-loving unicorn, but the turning-into-water was so much fun, I decided that'd be his special talent. I know it's an unusual spell, if not somewhat OP in some situations, but he just had to have that one.I guess when it's your life's goal, you can go the distance.Water changing aside, I've never been a fan of ponies who were born with a cutie mark. It takes away the discovery process involved. They say the journey is half the fun. Ponies who start at their destination are half the fun, right? Furthermore, the technical implications are more than I'm willing to address. Let's just say when a pony is born, they aren't handed a surf board and told "Congratulations, you're going to be a surfer!".No, it's true, but nothing tells us it's impossible to be 'born' with one. To be honest, I got kind of lazy with his background story. The original idea was his father dropping him into a river as a foal, on accident of course. Which ended up Majem saving his father, but that was even more ridiculous (I don't know what's wrong with me from time to time). So actually there's no story at all to his talent. Just the way I came up with him. His talent was clear from the start.His personality contradicts itself a bit, but you've already pointed this out, so it must be deliberate. The main problem I have with such contradictions is I can't tell if he's introverted or extroverted, because he shows signs of both. It's like he's riding the fence. I get the feeling his personality is merely quick to change from what you write. You might want to point that out, if that is the case.I'll share a secret with you. I gave him my personality. Like I said before, I made Majem to join Magus' RP, which means he had NO personality whatsoever. He was born in that RP and fleshed out there, which ended up just him being me.I really don't know what can be done to improve or fix this character. I know changing into water is his thing, but I just... can't... warm up to it. I don't want you to have to change it, either. If I had to give advice, just make him a good swimmer. Becoming one with the water makes him sort of a... a mutant or something. It's just not normal.A good swimmer, eh? Well, that would contradict to him being a very weak unicorn. His water form allows quick and easy travel through water and he can hold his breath for very long, though.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2012 Nov 12, 21:02:37This is a critique for Xeena by Celia_Tempest.First, the character seems to not be from Equestria. Most obviously, her hometown, Extris, is not a land on the Equestrian map. Furthermore, I don't believe there is a civilization in Equestria that would not be developed enough to graduate past the medieval level, because Princess Celestia should be monitoring this town. I doubt she would allow such a primitive settlement to exist for long. Next, Xeena is not a pony name, unless you can tell me the source of this name that would convince me otherwise. Xeena sounds more like the name of a (human) warrior princess, which is pretty close to what she is. Also, ponies covered with battle scars are unheard of, simply because Equestria is the land of love and tolerance. Ponies don't fight, especially with weapons. I'm ready to believe she is from a land far far away, which would be the most logical approach for this character.On the other hand, you need to explain why she's hanging out on the outskirts of Ponyville in particular. Does she live there? In the Everfree? Is she just waiting for something to happen?Now, on to the character herself. She's a rather ironic character, being a strong but unintelligent unicorn. This sort of contradiction does add a few dimensions to her, though. I don't have any problems with her personality; it's fresh. Her history kinda disturbs me since whoever rules Extris apparently raises other ponies' children to be warriors if they show the potential. Are they in some sort of war or something? I get the feeling whoever this ruler is is some sort of tyrant or religious fanatic, not allowing his/her soldier to develop feelings. It's like Extris is raising killing machines who never question or talk back or have their own opinions. It's rather disturbing that anypony who falls out of line gets exiled.And I just can't warm up to those scars. She looks like a former slave. Somepony get her to a doctor... or to a spa!
Quote from: ShadowHeart on 2012 Nov 13, 09:39:50would u guys possibly be ok with me posting an oc on here rather than start a thread....little scared to do that now so would u guys mind if i just posted an oc here and put a spoiler mark on it...or i can make a thread...
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2012 Sep 02, 01:43:33If you have an OC you would like me to look at, I would be more than happy to give you a hopefully fair and constructive opinion on the character(s). Just post whatever information about the character you'd like me to read or post a link that leads to a topic that has such information. I would prefer any links not lead away from this forum, that is my only request.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2012 Nov 15, 23:14:25Spoiler: showThis is a critique for Tiger Stripes by Tiger.I must admit I'm having difficulty critiquing this character professionally, because of how unprofessionally adorable she is. I mean when you talk about how your OC races have their own island and meet at a warehouse on occasion to socialize because they are all English speaking creatures, the side of me that is a critic shakes its head, but I still can't help but smile at it.Now, the idea of a cat turned into a pony is different for sure. I kind of like the idea, although I am not an advocate for pony hybrids/crossovers in general. With a cat from a different world, it's a little more believable. The characteristics of a cat can be associated with that of a pony, making it easier for her to fit in a pony world.As for your History... I use the word "convenient" again. When I say that, it refers to the lack of explanation or foreshadowing on about half of the things that has happened in Tiger Stripes's life, and I somehow doubt these details were deliberately left out. Miraculously surviving an earthquake after she was born on top of a pile of rubble... A mirror world from where she saved a character I didn't know existed until Tiger Stripes saved her... A cave that mysteriously appears and leads to Equestria... Do you see what all these lack? A reason. The why and how. Of course, there's no obligation to explain the origins or reasoning behind any of these in something like a character bio. What bothers me is that the way you bring these events up gives me the impression that these are plot devices randomly put in to progress the character.Or perhaps this character's life has been a reflection of RPs? Yes... that seems more likely. With that in mind, the randomness of her experiences makes more sense and doesn't really require explanation, since what happens in RPs should stay in RPs.If I were to give you any advice on how to improve this character, you would do well to better explain the things in her history. What is the Mirror World? Who is Shori? How can a cat turned into a pony build a machine that can lead them back to their homeworld? Is the friend a science wizard or something?Oh... right... you mentioned they started with cutie marks once they entered Equestria. I recommend you change that, it kind of goes against the nature of cutie marks. Either that, or explain why they started off with cutie marks already on them.