{Discussion} - Teeny Teal's life

Started by Teal Turken, 2012 Aug 05, 16:17:16

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Teal Turken

This is the discussion for my story, "Teeny Teal's life". The name is highly subject to change.

This story was written for fun so please don't use this as a bio for my OC.

Nala Valor

I've already gave you a small review on the first chapter, but here's for the second one

In general, I think it's better and well straight forward so that we aren't confused to where we are in the story. Bunch of d'aws and laughters came from me but one thing bugged me: there is a small lack of vocabulary. For something like half of the paragraph started with 'Twilight'. Instead of always using her name, call her by something else. Here's a few exemple=
The mare
The librarian
She
The purple pony

All that kind of stuff. Be creative to make up names like that.

Teal Turken

I do feel the same since you pointed it out but Teal doesn't know she's a librarian. But I get it's an example, so I'll go through and edit that chapter sometime and post it. It should look better. ^-^

Nala Valor

Quote from: Teal Turken on 2012 Aug 05, 16:37:49
I do feel the same since you pointed it out but Teal doesn't know she's a librarian. But I get it's an example, so I'll go through and edit that chapter sometime and post it. It should look better. ^-^
From the way i read it, it seemed like the narrateur was in the 3rd person. So as long as it is true, you can say it. If the narrateur was Teal, now it would be an other thing.

Teal Turken

Well the views switch from Teal to Twilight, you just need to read how things are described.

Nonnavlis

This story is very cute! I really like the imagery of a teeny tiny little pony, and enjoyed reading about him. You've got a solid talent for writing.

You continuously misspelled Petal (As in the petal of a flower) as Pedal (As in the Pedal on a bicycle), which took me out of the story from time to time, and a few word choices seemed a little bit internet/chatspeak-ish, but other than that I really liked it.

Will you be posting more chapters?

Teal Turken

Yes I will post more chapters! And thanks for correcting me on petals, I knew I was spelling it wrong but .txt files don't have spell check. X3

These take like 2-3 hours to write and then 30 or so minutes to go back and edit.

Nonnavlis

2012 Aug 05, 18:11:11 #7 Last Edit: 2012 Aug 05, 18:12:49 by Nonnavlis
Oh gosh, I remember when I used to write in Notepad when I first started. Painful program.

Have you considered trying Open Office? It is free to download and the equivalent of Microsoft Office Word. It contains both Spellcheck and Grammar check, and has a much more user-friendly look to it than your default computer writing programs (Notepad and Wordpad are the ones I'm thinking of).

Teal Turken

Update:
Fixed the error "pedel/pedal to flower petals"

Teal Turken

~Added Chapter 3
~Now using Open Office as recommended by Nonnavlis, thanks!

Chapter 3 is short but tell me if you can think of something to add! Any details missing? Anything that SHOULD have been in there? Or did you think it's good as it is?

Teal Turken

I know it's been a very long time but I have finally written chapter 4 for the story!
It will be up very soon and then I will work on chapter 5. :D

GoldenTerrabyte

pepsehhhh

Teal Turken

2013 Oct 16, 14:16:30 #12 Last Edit: 2013 Oct 16, 16:09:32 by Teal Turken
I'll post a quick message to bump it to the front page.

Post Merge

I've edited the first chapter, the next two will be edited later.

Post Merge

Chapter 4 posted.

Gracie Sky

Oh... wow... over a year between the 3rd and 4th chapter.

Anyways, this is an amazingly simple minded, yet adorable story. The flow of the story is like that of an amateur documentation of the events as they are progressing, but that somehow adds to it cute charm. You do a really good job at representing the mane 6 that appear and dealing with their reactions. Teal himself has a different perspective of the world, which you illustrate very well, as well.

Once you get past all the cuteness, you realize there is really no plot development. Then again, a story like this probably doesn't need a central plot since its objective is to cause readers to d'aww over Teal's shenanigans as he adapts to life with "giant" ponies. The only plot development I could see is somepony finally figuring out where Teal came from and why he's so tiny.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

Teal Turken

Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2013 Oct 16, 18:26:30
Oh... wow... over a year between the 3rd and 4th chapter.

Anyways, this is an amazingly simple minded, yet adorable story. The flow of the story is like that of an amateur documentation of the events as they are progressing, but that somehow adds to it cute charm. You do a really good job at representing the mane 6 that appear and dealing with their reactions. Teal himself has a different perspective of the world, which you illustrate very well, as well.

Once you get past all the cuteness, you realize there is really no plot development. Then again, a story like this probably doesn't need a central plot since its objective is to cause readers to d'aww over Teal's shenanigans as he adapts to life with "giant" ponies. The only plot development I could see is somepony finally figuring out where Teal came from and why he's so tiny.

I actually did have a plan long ago that explains Teal's origins. (in this story)
I did just edit chapter 1 today, so it'd be nice if you reread it and told me what you think.

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