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661
Original Characters / Re: Fire diamond
2012 Aug 28, 21:54:25
I haven't really seen a pony with such an abrasive personality. It sounds like her parents have spoiled her pretty badly, judging on how severe her selfishness is. She'll burn down a building out of revenge for not receiving a lucrative gift like a diamond from her father because he could not afford it...? And they still support her? That's pretty scary... in an intimidating way.
I wonder how she gets away with it all...
And please... You should properly capitalize your work.
662
Original Characters / Re: My OC ponies, please give feedback!
2012 Aug 28, 21:44:26
Are these OCs independent of each other? Or do you intend them to meet each other eventually, if they don't know each other right now?
As they are now, they are fundamentally stable. However, they might be... uh... prematurely stable. It actually depends on what purpose you plan on them to serve, so I really shouldn't be making such claims. The main thing is both of them to some degree have little room for development, based on the information you've provided about them.
I don't see anything wrong with how you're portraying them, but I just don't seem to be... really excited about them...
I don't really know how to better put it. What I do know is is that we fall in love with characters because of their quirks and their development.
I think they would make good cameo ponies, as I see them now.
As they are now, they are fundamentally stable. However, they might be... uh... prematurely stable. It actually depends on what purpose you plan on them to serve, so I really shouldn't be making such claims. The main thing is both of them to some degree have little room for development, based on the information you've provided about them.
I don't see anything wrong with how you're portraying them, but I just don't seem to be... really excited about them...
I don't really know how to better put it. What I do know is is that we fall in love with characters because of their quirks and their development.I think they would make good cameo ponies, as I see them now.
663
Original Characters / Re: Diamond Eyes Pegasus OC. (WIP)
2012 Aug 28, 00:51:48
By all means, feel free to use the name, that's why I suggested it. If you wish to credit me with the name, I don't mind that either. Maybe it will help other aspiring OCers find me so I can give more useful advice.
664
Original Characters / Re: Diamond Eyes Pegasus OC. (WIP)
2012 Aug 26, 15:13:47
I don't know how I missed this the first time, but pleeeeeease put some periods in her biography. 
As for her name, the first one to just pop in my head was "True Light". I recommend straying away from names that has something to do with her eyes or the fact that she's blind; it would be far too coincidental.
True Light itself might be a bit of a telling name, but I chose to suggest it due to the strength of its symbolism. I don't want to invent your character for you, but I would like you to consider this, since I'm not sure you've planned out her special talent yet. The one things blind ponies do better than anypony is navigate with the absence of light, which other ponies rely on in order to do most anything. This pony would be able to act as a light that guides other ponies when all other lights have been extinguished. A name like True Light perfectly embodies this aspect, and I thought it happened to sound catchy to.
Still, you can play around with the name if you think there are some better options out there.
As for her name, the first one to just pop in my head was "True Light". I recommend straying away from names that has something to do with her eyes or the fact that she's blind; it would be far too coincidental.
True Light itself might be a bit of a telling name, but I chose to suggest it due to the strength of its symbolism. I don't want to invent your character for you, but I would like you to consider this, since I'm not sure you've planned out her special talent yet. The one things blind ponies do better than anypony is navigate with the absence of light, which other ponies rely on in order to do most anything. This pony would be able to act as a light that guides other ponies when all other lights have been extinguished. A name like True Light perfectly embodies this aspect, and I thought it happened to sound catchy to.
Still, you can play around with the name if you think there are some better options out there.
665
Original Characters / Re: Diamond Eyes Pegasus OC. (WIP)
2012 Aug 26, 02:41:23
I must admit I haven't seen many disabled, fully or partially, ponies at all. The concept is very original. I'd love to know more about this pony, or to see a pony like this interact with other ponies. It's very inspiring the more she manages to accomplish despite this pretty much crippling disadvantage.
666
Original Characters / Re: The lowdown on Earth pony OCs
2012 Aug 26, 02:32:46
Hmm... well, you may have some experience with art, but what about with OCs? If you think you have a keen eye for quality, I would really enjoy having some help with critiquing OCs, and I'm sure everypony would like receiving two points of view. I also see no problem with having a sort of "pony of the week" spotlight for exceptional pony OCs. I'm sure authors would appreciate the extra attention for their hard work.
I'll have to give it some thought, although the idea intrigues me.
I'll have to give it some thought, although the idea intrigues me.
667
Original Characters / Re: The OCs of Chrisgotjar
2012 Aug 26, 02:25:41
Short and sweet. A little typical, but there's nothing wrong with typical!
668
Original Characters / Re: Spots, the ninja pegasus.
2012 Aug 23, 17:58:50
So, what does a ninja pony do?
669
Original Characters / Re: The lowdown on Earth pony OCs
2012 Aug 23, 17:41:59
I was thinking about starting a critique topic where Mr. Mustang left off, since he doesn't appear to currently be active, or at least until he returns. I would like authors to get better with their OCs, since there has recently been a lot of characters I find to be unrealistic (at least parts of them) by the model of pony established by the show. I won't claim to be an OC expert, although I would like to believe I'm better than average and my advice would be helpful.
As for relatives of canon characters, I would avoid it, if possible. Canon characters are typically developed enough that all their family members have been made clear, especially after 2 seasons. (still waiting to see Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's parents, though)
If you must, there's nothing "wrong" with it, as long as you keep it contained within your story and try not pretending that it's the truth in canon. You'll also have to explain why they weren't brought up until now, hopefully not using the excuse that nopony has never heard of me. If they never heard of you, it's probably meant to stay that way.
In any event, no, being a relative of a canon character is not make one a Mary Sue automatically.
As for relatives of canon characters, I would avoid it, if possible. Canon characters are typically developed enough that all their family members have been made clear, especially after 2 seasons. (still waiting to see Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's parents, though)
If you must, there's nothing "wrong" with it, as long as you keep it contained within your story and try not pretending that it's the truth in canon. You'll also have to explain why they weren't brought up until now, hopefully not using the excuse that nopony has never heard of me. If they never heard of you, it's probably meant to stay that way.
In any event, no, being a relative of a canon character is not make one a Mary Sue automatically.
670
Original Characters / Re: Fletchessa
2012 Aug 21, 22:58:58
Excessive orphan OCs has been a constant problem. There's just no way around it, more specifically when you want to keep one's past a secret from the character. I'm not going to start handing out amnesia to characters, either. I had Gracie Sky raised in an orphanage, so I went out of my way to make sure Fletchessa wasn't also raised in one, even though they both happen to be unaware of their heritage.
I think the problem is I can't kill parents, so this is the next best thing. I'm aware ponies in Equestria don't generally have as much... "story" behind them and live fairly simple lives. With that in mind, there's always the possibility that I can recreate a different version of the character without the orphan part and the mystery to make her closer to Equestrian standard.
I think the problem is I can't kill parents, so this is the next best thing. I'm aware ponies in Equestria don't generally have as much... "story" behind them and live fairly simple lives. With that in mind, there's always the possibility that I can recreate a different version of the character without the orphan part and the mystery to make her closer to Equestrian standard.
671
Original Characters / Fletchessa
2012 Aug 21, 22:14:50
Name: Fletchessa
Race: Earth Pony
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Cutie Mark: A feather within a leaf
Hometown: Fletchessa was born and raised near the base of the mountain of Canterlot, on the boarder of the Everfree Forest. She currently resides at the Splinter Lumber Company, a family owned lumber and wooden goods franchise.
History: Fletchessa was taken in by the head of the Splinter Lumber Company after being delivered to his doorstep as an infant by means unknown. Constantly occupied with his work, the head rarely had much time to properly raise Fletchessa. After a while, he found a volunteer who agreed to act as Fletchessa's caretaker. She was an animal care specialist and Fletchessa treated her as her mother.
Traits: Fletchessa is most known for her excessive attention to details, especially when it comes to working. She was home schooled by her caretaker and has been noted for doing well in math, namely geometry. Growing up on a lumber mill, she has worked a lot with logs, although she hasn't shown to be very strong, at least not by Earth Pony standards. However, Fletchessa tends to get around her physical limitations by using her knowledge of physics to work smarter instead.
Cutie Mark: Fletchessa's cutie mark was discovered quite early in her life. While most who knew her were aware of her attention to details and her skill with woodcarving, her cutie mark was discovered in an unexpected way. She once met a lone Pegasus who was on business, but seemed very down. Fletchessa was unnaturally compelled to help this pony and learned that she was currently on bad terms with a friend. Sympathetic with this stranger, Fletchessa offered her a wooden carving of a feather as sort of a charm. It later turned out that the charm somehow assisted with mending the two friends' relationship. When the Pegasus brought this news to Fletchessa, she felt a rare sensation of happiness. It was at this point, she was granted her cutie mark, representing the mending of friendships.
Personality: Fletchessa's emotions are somewhat subdued, but are also very unstable. She has been known to be very withdrawn at times, but also very perky at others, and even aggressive at times. Her caretaker has hypothesized that personalities are merely a reflection of her influences: her tendency to be alone, the cheery disposition of her caretaker, and the authoritative presence of the company head. In the rare conversations she engages in, she is generally unresponsive; not due to shyness, but because she prefers to only speak what is absolutely necessary. She also has a habit of taking everything literally, causing the responses she manages to give socially awkward at times. Even though she has terminal shyness to other ponies, she also possesses what seems to be an even stronger desire to help those in need.
672
Original Characters / Re: The lowdown on Earth pony OCs
2012 Aug 21, 17:43:56
I don't want to discourage you from looking at other peoples' OCs. There are some very good, high quality OCs! You just need to know what a good OC looks like from a far, the trick is to trust the initial impression from your first glace. But must also be willing to give them a chance to impress you; looks can deceive, both for better or for worse.
And when trying to "balance" special powers, adding a weakness whose only purpose is to compensate for something that may be OP is somewhat of a cop out. If it were me, I would tone down powers I might believe to be OP, or limit the means by which it can be used to the best of its potential or used at all. Still, it's dangerous water to tread on.
Lastly, a Mary Sue is a character archetype that typically encompasses an over idealized character, more often female. We all know people and ponies aren't perfect, so when trying to identify a Mary Sue, ask yourself "Is this character perfect?". Symptoms include being loved by everyone, being exceptionally beautiful or cute (less prominent with ponies, who are all cute >~<), unrealistically excelling at important things, being the chosen one and/or being the last of a race and/or having dormant superpowers. The list goes on.
And when trying to "balance" special powers, adding a weakness whose only purpose is to compensate for something that may be OP is somewhat of a cop out. If it were me, I would tone down powers I might believe to be OP, or limit the means by which it can be used to the best of its potential or used at all. Still, it's dangerous water to tread on.
Lastly, a Mary Sue is a character archetype that typically encompasses an over idealized character, more often female. We all know people and ponies aren't perfect, so when trying to identify a Mary Sue, ask yourself "Is this character perfect?". Symptoms include being loved by everyone, being exceptionally beautiful or cute (less prominent with ponies, who are all cute >~<), unrealistically excelling at important things, being the chosen one and/or being the last of a race and/or having dormant superpowers. The list goes on.
673
Original Characters / Re: Skyler
2012 Aug 20, 22:40:00
Can turn into an Alicorn and Demon? Does that make her a changling or shapeshifter? It makes me wonder why she seems to prefer to stay a Pegasus.
What what exactly is a demon in Equestria anyways?
What what exactly is a demon in Equestria anyways?
674
Original Characters / Re: The lowdown on Earth pony OCs
2012 Aug 20, 21:52:16
I look at almost every OC that are posted on the forums. A lot of them I won't reply to, though; the main reason generally being they are unbelievable. I don't really have the courage to tell an author their OC is unbelievable, especially if a lot of work was done on it.
As for Amtrack, the only thing I could think of to say was how he is named after a railroad company. I didn't really think that was the right thing to say, though.
As for Earth Ponies, I have one still under development named Fletchessa. She works with wood, yay.
As for Amtrack, the only thing I could think of to say was how he is named after a railroad company. I didn't really think that was the right thing to say, though.
As for Earth Ponies, I have one still under development named Fletchessa. She works with wood, yay.
675
Original Characters / Re: Night Sight (Un-finished)
2012 Aug 20, 21:29:18 I'm afraid to ask how this precarious situation with the polar opposite split personalities came about.
676
Original Characters / Re: Snow dash ( My new OC )
2012 Aug 20, 21:26:00
Well, to be frank, the thing about breathing out Ice and making blizzards from anger are that they are too... violent. In Equestria, ponies tend not to use their special talents with the intention of causing harm, even if in self defense.
Consider the mane 6, they are extremely exceptional as far as ponies go, but none of them used their special talents to injure something. Sure they've harmed some things by kicking them with their hooves, but kicking things is not a special talent, it's just what ponies do. Besides, physical violence has never actually worked, as proven in every occasion where it has been used to date.
When self defense was needed by the mane 6, their talents were used to pacify the threat. Fluttershy did this on the dragon, manticore, and cockatrice. Twilight Sparkle did this to the Ursa Minor. Rarity did this with the Diamond Dogs. In fact, if they CAN'T pacify a threat, like the teenage drakes, they simply opted to run. Ponies have never specialized in attacking.
Back to your OC, if you want to keep her powers over snow, I would suggest that you have it stray away from being used for offensive purposes. I realize a lot of other pony OCs are more like something I'd expect out of Xmen with swords and guns and heat rays and unstable transformations... but it pains me whenever I see this. This strays from the ideals promoted by the show, you know, love and tolerance. I would just ask you to find a "friendlier" way to put her special talent.
If you want my final piece of advice, I would limit her talent to reading snowflakes. I love the idea of it. It's one of the most imaginative and original abilities I've seen in a long time, especially considering how no two snowflakes are the same. In fact, I wish I had thought of that idea myself, it's a completely unexplored world! I definitely recommend you focus on this idea and possibly expand on it.
Consider the mane 6, they are extremely exceptional as far as ponies go, but none of them used their special talents to injure something. Sure they've harmed some things by kicking them with their hooves, but kicking things is not a special talent, it's just what ponies do. Besides, physical violence has never actually worked, as proven in every occasion where it has been used to date.
When self defense was needed by the mane 6, their talents were used to pacify the threat. Fluttershy did this on the dragon, manticore, and cockatrice. Twilight Sparkle did this to the Ursa Minor. Rarity did this with the Diamond Dogs. In fact, if they CAN'T pacify a threat, like the teenage drakes, they simply opted to run. Ponies have never specialized in attacking.
Back to your OC, if you want to keep her powers over snow, I would suggest that you have it stray away from being used for offensive purposes. I realize a lot of other pony OCs are more like something I'd expect out of Xmen with swords and guns and heat rays and unstable transformations... but it pains me whenever I see this. This strays from the ideals promoted by the show, you know, love and tolerance. I would just ask you to find a "friendlier" way to put her special talent.
If you want my final piece of advice, I would limit her talent to reading snowflakes. I love the idea of it. It's one of the most imaginative and original abilities I've seen in a long time, especially considering how no two snowflakes are the same. In fact, I wish I had thought of that idea myself, it's a completely unexplored world! I definitely recommend you focus on this idea and possibly expand on it.
677
Original Characters / Re: Snow dash ( My new OC )
2012 Aug 19, 00:42:55
A really nice OC. I really like her connection to snow, though.
The only thing I don't agree with is the Ice Breathing. I won't go into an explanation, unless you want one.
The only thing I don't agree with is the Ice Breathing. I won't go into an explanation, unless you want one.
678
Original Characters / Re: Skyler's daughter
2012 Aug 13, 19:28:10
Scars? Insanity?? Dying???
What ever happened to friendship?
What ever happened to friendship?
679
Original Characters / Re: Spark (New Pegasus OC)
2012 Aug 09, 20:34:14
I'd like to know more about this blue lightning incident, as I am unclear what happened. Was this blue lightning similar to a sonic rainboom in the sense that her trail was literally a lightning bolt? Was this lightning bolt going to strike her, and that's what she was dodging? Can a pony even dodge lightning? ...Okay, I'll buy being able to dodge the speed of light easily, since it's an Equestria thing.
This whole causing a lightning bolt is intriguing and fairly original. Of course... just to put things into perspective... Rainbow Dash averages at 16.5 wingpower and sonic rainbooms occur at the speed of sound. Causing lightning, which travels at the speed of light, requires friction with a current of air strong enough to generate a spark of electricity... why am I even saying this?! I am not a weather specialist!
This whole causing a lightning bolt is intriguing and fairly original. Of course... just to put things into perspective... Rainbow Dash averages at 16.5 wingpower and sonic rainbooms occur at the speed of sound. Causing lightning, which travels at the speed of light, requires friction with a current of air strong enough to generate a spark of electricity... why am I even saying this?!
I am not a weather specialist!
680
Original Characters / Re: Eclipse's Oc
2012 Aug 06, 23:59:05
I apologize if I sounded a little too harsh previously.
This is a very peculiar approach to a very peculiar pony. I had to read it a couple of times before I could comprehend exactly what was happening. From my first impression, this pony has a very... complicated condition that boarders on something spiritual. I don't see very many ponies with spiritual conditions, so it's rather intriguing.
Now, her dealings with Luna seem a bit far fetched. You always need to be diligent when important characters play a key role with your character, as you suddenly must inherit all the assumptions that come with the character. This includes things such as canon, personality mastery, and lore related to the character. I generally become more and more suspicious the more you control a canon character, although if you do it correctly, it's more believable.
I just have a difficult time understanding why Luna is connected to this pony. Then again, you have yet to reveal all the crucial details concerning this song and exactly how it works and Eclipse's past. With that still unaccounted for, you have some flexibility with what you can get away with, as long as you can make up for it on a logical scale.
On a final note... it's a really great autobiography style story, but the nature of it makes it a bit... too descriptive. We know a lot more about the pony than I think we should, or we know things that we probably shouldn't. It takes out of the room to develop the character, unless that was not what you intended to do in the first place.
This is a very peculiar approach to a very peculiar pony. I had to read it a couple of times before I could comprehend exactly what was happening. From my first impression, this pony has a very... complicated condition that boarders on something spiritual. I don't see very many ponies with spiritual conditions, so it's rather intriguing.
Now, her dealings with Luna seem a bit far fetched. You always need to be diligent when important characters play a key role with your character, as you suddenly must inherit all the assumptions that come with the character. This includes things such as canon, personality mastery, and lore related to the character. I generally become more and more suspicious the more you control a canon character, although if you do it correctly, it's more believable.
I just have a difficult time understanding why Luna is connected to this pony. Then again, you have yet to reveal all the crucial details concerning this song and exactly how it works and Eclipse's past. With that still unaccounted for, you have some flexibility with what you can get away with, as long as you can make up for it on a logical scale.
On a final note... it's a really great autobiography style story, but the nature of it makes it a bit... too descriptive. We know a lot more about the pony than I think we should, or we know things that we probably shouldn't. It takes out of the room to develop the character, unless that was not what you intended to do in the first place.