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))Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 May 02, 19:59:10
You might want to hint a bit more about her half Wendigo side being responisble for her troubles, because I only put the pieces together after you pointed it out. Of course, if you make it too obvious, it might ruin the surprise... if it is indeed designed to be a surprise.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 May 02, 19:59:10
One thing I might suggest, though, is to have her "unfriendly aura" be something that triggers when she gets upset. Being only half Wendigo, perhaps it would be best if her aura was not as potent or not as easy to use as a full Wendigo. It should follow a different set of rules, since there's pony genetics in there too probably altering or interfering with something.



Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 Apr 28, 18:04:43
Now, about this Wendigo business... I don't personally mind that she's half Wendigo, but you shouldn't make her half Wendigo just to make her half Wendigo (for the purposes of being unique). There needs to be a significance to being half Wendigo or else there's really no good reason to bring this fact up. You mention she is resistant to cold, but nopony knows if that's some racial trait or if it has something to do with her special talent. I recommend you invest on developing the impact being half Wendigo has in her life, otherwise it's just a statistic.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 Apr 28, 18:04:43
As far as her personality goes, you give barely enough detail to establish her as an outwardly cold character. Mind you, not a lot of detail is needed, but I think it would be helpful to be a bit more specific. First off, it would be wise not to state twice in the same paragraph that she is not a nice pony. On that subject, be sure she's actually a jerk and not just defensive/untrusting. Jerks start or looks for trouble, while the character I'm thinking she is just hates being interacted with due to how much she has been teased in the past and does her best to discourage others from talking to her. Secondly, perhaps you could expound on her flaws, telling us how she is clumsy or unintelligent. Those two adjectives are subjective, so an example for us to compare with our experiences would be beneficial.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 Apr 28, 18:04:43
On her backstory, you explain that she had overshadowed by her siblings and her flaws caused her to be picked on. That would help explain why she didn't make friends, but it sounds like only one half of the story. There MUST'VE been something she was better at than her peers, but you state no such strength (unless you purposely avoided stating what she's good at). I mention this because I won't believe that there weren't any other ponies in that orphanage who could relate to Flurry and in some way stand up for her. Yes, I understand like her siblings, such friends have the possibility of being adopted, but I think it's worth mentioning that her early life wasn't purely tragic.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 Apr 28, 18:04:43
I'd also like to know about this one pony who calls her friend, through her defensive exterior.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 Apr 28, 18:04:43
You need to go into more detail about her cutie mark. I know nothing about it, save it has something to do with coldness and maybe clouds. What exactly is her special talent? How did she discover it? What practical applications does it have in her every day life? Of course, the way you word it, it sounds like you know what her talent is, but don't want to reveal it quite yet. If that's the case, disregard this paragraph.
Quote from: Gracie Sky on 2014 Apr 28, 18:04:43
To emphasize, she's pretty stable as a character, but I sense a great deal of pessimism in the approach of displaying her characteristics. I don't recall reading a single positive thing about her, which puts her in a darker shade of light than I think she deserves to be in. I'd like to see some good things about her along with the bad, but not just the bad.
Seems I missed quite a bit while I was juggling a new job and finals.... Someone want to give me a recap?))