Messages

21

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 25, 18:49:00

we all have misunderstandings

Well, to be honest, his personality and actual current abilities (aside from immortality) are actually quite nice.  In my own opinion, which of course is just an opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt, the main problem that I see is trying to modify the canon story to an extreme extent; if he were less of a godlike being beyond even Celestia and Luna, perhaps something similar to Shining Armor or lesser in power, I do not think that there would be nearly as much of a problem.  For most here, the main serious beserk button would be immortality, changing canon in some way, and making characters somehow "more important" than others.

I hope this is not offensive, as I do not mean it to be such.

thank you, he kinda turned out immortal after i had finished reading "Project Sunflower" which influinced his ability of being able to become/breath smoke. His next incarnation will be far less godlike, replacing that trait will be highly potent magical abilities.

Would making it so that he was potentialy the only Pegasi who could use unicorn magic compensate a bit?

Actually, to be honest I do not think that the smoke transfiguration is overpowered; there are other OCs here that have similar abilities such as turning to water, which are actually quite liked by the rest of the community.  Comparatively, I think that being a unicorn magic-capable pegasus would be more of a power that would seem "overpowered" here, as technically "Alicorns" are pegasi with unicorn capabilities, or vice versa.

Touche, i was only throwing that out there because i didn't know if his ability to become smoke should count as unicorn magic or otherwise something similar

22

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 25, 18:40:04

we all have misunderstandings

Well, to be honest, his personality and actual current abilities (aside from immortality) are actually quite nice.  In my own opinion, which of course is just an opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt, the main problem that I see is trying to modify the canon story to an extreme extent; if he were less of a godlike being beyond even Celestia and Luna, perhaps something similar to Shining Armor or lesser in power, I do not think that there would be nearly as much of a problem.  For most here, the main serious beserk button would be immortality, changing canon in some way, and making characters somehow "more important" than others.

I hope this is not offensive, as I do not mean it to be such.

thank you, he kinda turned out immortal after i had finished reading "Project Sunflower" which influinced his ability of being able to become/breath smoke. His next incarnation will be far less godlike, replacing that trait will be highly potent magical abilities.

Would making it so that he was potentialy the only Pegasi who could use unicorn magic compensate a bit?

[ACTUALLY]

23

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 25, 18:27:02

imagination is nice.  overconfidence, pride, inflated ego, and unwarranted self-importance to the point of being unable to accept constructive criticism is not.  perhaps it would be best to review the rules and guidelines of a community before posting something which may cause backlash.  Oh, and this is coming from a twenty-year-old university student majoring in Electrical Engineering who has a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, takes multivariable calculus, physics and chemistry at the same time, understands and is fluent in four languages, and is GM of five roleplays, one of which is second in the top ten most popular threads on this forum.

it has been a pleasure meeting you, sir.

Fine then, if we're gonna talk about constructive critisizm, here's some pointers; when one person posts a response that may sound arrogent, rude and/or ignorent, try NOT to respond in the same way (as you SHOULD know seeing as you have accomplished so much) because you never know, the next OP may not be as patient is i am and may forgo the rules and respond in an unfavorable fashion.

And another note of advice; listing off such accomplishments in such a way(as i have actually realized my own stupidty) can come off just as or even more arrogent than the post you are replying to.

I will scrap Smokeout's current design and try again at a later date when i can think of something that'll ACTUALLY fit within this fandom.

So, good day to YOU sir.

which would quickly get him banned from this forum   the mods here generally have zero tolerance for rule breakers   not dictating rules here, just pointing out a fact.

a humble little comparison to your obviously superior intellect, my friend~

I will look forward to seeing your new designs when you have them completed!

A fine day to you

I apologize if i seemed like i was acting as if i was more intelligent before, and if you'd like, i could use some pointers on how to tone Smokeout down some without losing his initial concept

[Spoiler: My Post •]

24

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 25, 18:20:00

Spoiler: My Post • show

[quote author=PPBG link=topic=5375.msg413576#msg413576 date=1351129287]
[quote author=Midnight Breeze link=topic=5375.msg413515#msg413515 date=1351126499]
I can see this thread going the way of Psychic Shift's.

Whether or not you think Smoke Out falls under the arbitrary title of 'Mary Sue' is irrelevant. Shamelessly butchering official canon is just a no-no. Why even create a fan character if you're not going to play by the rules of the FiM universe?

Agreed. ( Not the Physics Shift part, only because I've never seen that thread.)

Besides what has been previously mentioned:

I would like to know more about him. For instance, his personality, abilities, and flaws.
[/quote]
[/spoiler]
All I said is that I agreed with some others and wanted to know more information. It appears that I was ignored, pushed aside by a bigger issue.
[/quote]


I apologize for that, i am trying to settle said issue right now and Smokeout will be more fleshed once i can think of something.
Maybe you'd be willing to give me some ideas?

[ACTUALLY]

25

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 25, 18:18:04

imagination is nice.  overconfidence, pride, inflated ego, and unwarranted self-importance to the point of being unable to accept constructive criticism is not.  perhaps it would be best to review the rules and guidelines of a community before posting something which may cause backlash.  Oh, and this is coming from a twenty-year-old university student majoring in Electrical Engineering who has a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, takes multivariable calculus, physics and chemistry at the same time, understands and is fluent in four languages, and is GM of five roleplays, one of which is second in the top ten most popular threads on this forum.

it has been a pleasure meeting you, sir.

Fine then, if we're gonna talk about constructive critisizm, here's some pointers; when one person posts a response that may sound arrogent, rude and/or ignorent, try NOT to respond in the same way (as you SHOULD know seeing as you have accomplished so much) because you never know, the next OP may not be as patient is i am and may forgo the rules and respond in an unfavorable fashion.

And another note of advice; listing off such accomplishments in such a way(as i have actually realized my own stupidty) can come off just as or even more arrogent than the post you are replying to.

I will scrap Smokeout's current design and try again at a later date when i can think of something that'll ACTUALLY fit within this fandom.

So, good day to YOU sir.

26

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 25, 16:38:38

actually admin, just close it anyways, seeing as making an OC for mlp who is immortal when there is 3 characters who are vaguely immortal themselves is borderline taboo for most fans. it's also a bit difficult making one when i'll just end up applying the thoughts of a shonen plot into it.

Next time my imagination runs wild with something like this and i begin to over create a character like smokeout, i'll just remember to just NOT post it seeing as i'v been working on manga longer than i'v even been a fan of this series.

So yeah, just close the thread anyways since my imagination is apparently blasphemy to this fandom

thanks to anyone who gave me advice on how to change his appearance instead of the actual critic i had requested.
If i wanted to make him all powerful, i'd have made him an alicorn instead of a pegasus 

27

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 24, 20:42:21

Ageless is immediately too overpowerful from my point of view.
I like the story, but the idea of your OC coming out of it is just a wee bit too much to digest.

Sorry, but I'm being AJ honest here.

No it's alright, that's exactly what i asked for at the end of my post, if somethings too OP then i want to know, but also, i'd like people to give me suggestion on what i can do to make it better and/or fix any mistakes.
What i was aiming for though was this: Since there's the sun, moon, and Discord right? then where's Discord's opposing spirit?
though granted Smokeout's story was a spur of the moment i guess it could use a lot of work before being finalized

Also, if you read through completely (i hope you did) then you will notice that i said he's not a true immortal. True immortals are unkillable period. Smokeout is fully capable of being killed, just it can't be caused by natural means.
I'm not trying to sugarcoat or justify making him like i did, i'm just saying that there are plenty of loopholes in being an incomplete immortal. If it would appease the masses though, would it be better to make him "Less than ageless?" similar to Discord, who is not "Ageless" he's just lived for Eons?

I recommend: A- re-reading the forum rules about powerplay, godmod and mary sue
B- re-reading the forum rules about violence
C- taking a look at Teal's Roleplay Assistance and Tips thread
D- submitting your OC to Blue's Mary Sue Level thread
E- taking the Universal Mary Sue Test
F- taking out the "original character, do not steal" text at the bottom, it is completely unnecessary and makes you sound immature.  If anything, your OC sounds like Madness's OC before he changed it, or maybe Sonya's, or even my Wanderer OC.  Most OCs of this type do.

And I was able to say all this without even going into detail about your OC's unoriginality and power level.

Some straightforward tips:
Power level needs to go down, way, way down.  Seriously.  If you wanted a completely in-the-background figure that does not participate in stories at all, that's fine, but otherwise even in normal stories your OC becomes THE tool for Deus Ex Machina, and in any RP at all becomes the very epitome of godmodding.
Altering canon to this extent is frowned upon in almost every place I've seen.  Godlike characters simply scream Mary Sue.
Being directly responsible for or uniquely connected to major canon events is just as frowned upon.
Being directly connected to the main characters likewise puts your character in a position that is simply beyond what s generally considered acceptible for an OC.

i think you missed some points in my post.
1- Smokeout is more original than you seem to think
2- he is not THE tool for Deus Ex Machina, if you read through again, i'v said nothing of him having godlike abilities in his current form, i have said nothing about him having the ability to alter reality. Also i have never stated that Smokeout is directly connected to any events from canon. He guides those in need of the elements, nothing more.
Smokeout does not aid them against any obstacle, he doesn't show them the safest route, and to for him to even be a guiding light, those who seek the elements must find the element's power within themselves first

I do not see what is so unoriginal about a character that can breath smoke or turn into smoke( the fact that Nightmare Moon can turn into a form of mist not withstanding) Trust me, if i wanted him to be directly connected to canon events i would never had submitted him here, i would've forgone the whole "Pony" thing and made my own original story for him to be in.

In conclusion? read completely before commenting on my work

28

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 24, 20:33:45

okay, i understand some of  you(or all of you) are telling me either to change his look or ditch the whole immortal thing.
But please read it through, Smokeout is not a true immortal but i'm not gonna explain that further because no one will listen to me.

second; i'm going to tell you why i asked for ppl not to steal this design or character; I have been an artist for 11 years, i'm 20 years old. I have a manga i'v been planning since 3rd grade and have been paranoid of someone stealing my work and undermining my life's work. I don't know how many of you are up and coming comic book artists and i hope that those of you who are said artists know why i stated i don't want my work stolen.

next; i will not take that darned mary sue test seeing as i have been working on 300+ characters at this point, i have a decent idea of what an actual mary sue is. also, i think it's a tad difficult to pin the title "Mary sue" on a character like smokeout who may have lived for eons.

I will consider changing his appearance to make him less threatening, i will submit him to the mary sue thread but i will not use him in that "Official Mary sue" test as by this point, the true definition of a mary sue has long since been blurred.

The boots and rings are there to give him a unique look, if you have a problem with my ability to design a character save it for a PM.

I will re-read through the responses i'v received and consider taking some of you all's advice.

29

Introductions Archive / Re: Yo

2012 Oct 23, 23:58:26

I do not wish to sound rude but please try to refrain from double posting if you need to add somthing to a post there is a modify button, so becareful in the future because its in the rules 

Not to sound rude myself but there' always the option to well...you know, remove said double post.

only for yourself, not for others.

really? oh, i guess i misthought the effects of the remove button...whoops?

30

Original Characters / Re: My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 23, 22:59:38

Ageless is immediately too overpowerful from my point of view.
I like the story, but the idea of your OC coming out of it is just a wee bit too much to digest.

Sorry, but I'm being AJ honest here.

No it's alright, that's exactly what i asked for at the end of my post, if somethings too OP then i want to know, but also, i'd like people to give me suggestion on what i can do to make it better and/or fix any mistakes.
What i was aiming for though was this: Since there's the sun, moon, and Discord right? then where's Discord's opposing spirit?
though granted Smokeout's story was a spur of the moment i guess it could use a lot of work before being finalized

Also, if you read through completely (i hope you did) then you will notice that i said he's not a true immortal. True immortals are unkillable period. Smokeout is fully capable of being killed, just it can't be caused by natural means.
I'm not trying to sugarcoat or justify making him like i did, i'm just saying that there are plenty of loopholes in being an incomplete immortal. If it would appease the masses though, would it be better to make him "Less than ageless?" similar to Discord, who is not "Ageless" he's just lived for Eons?

31

Original Characters / My OC; Smokeout Knight

2012 Oct 23, 22:51:04

Smokeout is currently under reconstruction, i will post a new and superior version of him once he is completed

I apologize for making him a bit over powered and i will be referencing my other non-god like characters for ideas and character flaws/traits

32

Introductions Archive / Re: Yo

2012 Oct 23, 22:03:59

I do not wish to sound rude but please try to refrain from double posting if you need to add somthing to a post there is a modify button, so becareful in the future because its in the rules 

Not to sound rude myself but there' always the option to well...you know, remove said double post.

33

Introductions Archive / Re: Yo

2012 Oct 23, 18:35:48

well, this isn't the first MLP based site i'v registered on, so i'm gonna start with a simple hello
Before we get to any major info, I think Applejack is best pony XD
So, if any of you have questions feel free to ask

hello and welcome to the forums   do you roleplay?

Well, i guess it all depends on what kind of RP, you know: the limitations, if i'm required to be there at certain times, that sort of thing

34

Introductions Archive / Yo

2012 Oct 22, 23:22:45

well, this isn't the first MLP based site i'v registered on, so i'm gonna start with a simple hello
Before we get to any major info, I think Applejack is best pony XD
So, if any of you have questions feel free to ask