Legends of Equestria - Forum

Name: Smokeout Knight
Gender: Stallion
age: 26
Race: Pegasi
Unique Talent: Hunting and teaching
Special abilities: Can become a smoke like form for quick travel, high speed flight(not on par with RD but still fast), high strength.
Strengths: Cannot touch when in smoke form.
weaknesses: when using his smoke form, he cannot touch anything but he does not posses intangibility like Nightmare moon seems to posses. He must reform if his smoke form is dissipated before returning to his normal form.
example-Turns into smoke form<smoke gets dissipated<smoke must reform< transforms back into his pony form
Personality: Determined and stubborn, Kind and respectable, Smokeout Knight is known throught out Equestria as the Hunter of Stories. He is always following his instinct to find the best stories to write about. Though he will rewrite forgotten stories, he prefers hunting for the unknown. He hopes for the chance to document the current life storied of Celestia, Luna and Cadence.
Appearance:


Bio:

~In Cloudsdale, a young, newly married pegasi couple gave birth to a small gray colt with strange markings. The strangest part of this little colt was his larger wings. During his childhood Smokeout learned he had the innate ability to locate anything, ranging from objects to hidden feelings. As he Grew up, Smokeout traveled to many places and finally settling in ponyville. While in Manehatten He found his talent came out the most when he taught others. Moving to Ponyville where he became a well known professor of mythology, Smokeout learned of something that nopony else had ever known about Equestria history/myth; He had learned that there was once 4 spirits that had created Equestria.
The Alicorn mare; Sun raiser who raised the sun and gave the world warmth.
Her Husband, the pegasus; known as Lunar cycle, who brought the night, darkness and sleep.
The third spirit was one he knew very well; Discord the Draconequus, who controled chaos and could warp reality.
The final spirit was Midnight harmony, a formless being made from the very night sky. It governed the concepts of balance and harmony.

Smokeout then made his way to Canterlot to consult Princess Celestia about his find. After much coaxing, he finally got her to tell her about these spirits. She stated that these spirits were familial to her in a way. Sun raiser was her mother and Lunar cycle, her father. After they the meeting Celestia urged Smokeout to keep this information in Myth as nopony should know about the connection Between the four spirits.

Upon returning to Ponyville, Smokeout resumed his role as teacher, enlightening the young fillies that came into his classroom. Smokeout soon realized that he did not have a true "Talent" for teaching many minds at once, instead, he began to take on apprentices. He currently works in a secluded house outside of Ponyville as both a teacher and a hunter of knowledge of both fact and fiction. As a Hunter of Knowledge, Smokeout has found many life stories and tall tales to pass on.

Even in his young age he is well known for this hunt, the hunt that drives him to search on.~

I hope this is a much better version of my OC Smokeout Knight.
List of changes:
~He is no longer immortal
~Is no longer Midnight harmony brought down to normal
~Can no longer resist disease
~ Appearance has been changed to look FAR less threatening

I hope this version of him is far more acceptable within this community and i also hope you guys give me feedback on how to expand his character more or if his appearance should be altered more.

Remember, i ask for constructive criticism, not someone saying something needs changing without giving a reason as to why

Have a nice day everypony and i'm thankful for all the people who suggested that i change him. I'm actually happy that i did now and Smokeout is now a more fleshed out character compared to his earlier incarnation.

Thanks go to:
~The Wandering Magus
~Gracie Sky
and to anyone else on my original thread found here: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=5375.0

Well, i do like it, btw what does tandem mean?

Quote from: Anibell April Dash on 2012 Oct 28, 14:35:52
Well, i do like it, btw what does tandem mean?

Tandem(if i spelled it correctly) means for 2 things to work together in harmony(pardon the pun XD)
sorry for the confusion, it bites that i can't modify my original post in case of possible spelling mistakes

EDIT: after reading through, i notice i have used the word out of context
and i CAN modify my original post

it's 10 times better Smoke! it's great. Well.....I guess that somepony...was bound to make an oc with.....large wings....it...had to happen... u np though ^-^

Quote from: ShadowHeart on 2012 Oct 29, 09:39:25
it's 10 times better Smoke! it's great. Well.....I guess that somepony...was bound to make an oc with.....large wings....it...had to happen... u np though ^-^

I agree, much better.

Quote from: PPBG on 2012 Oct 29, 09:49:39

Quote from: ShadowHeart on 2012 Oct 29, 09:39:25
it's 10 times better Smoke! it's great. Well.....I guess that somepony...was bound to make an oc with.....large wings....it...had to happen... u np though ^-^

I agree, much better.

Thanks guys, are the wings okay? i was a bit hesitant about giving him larger wings than a normal pegasus but since he's larger than your average pony, i thought the larger wings would be more acceptable to having smaller wings.

also, what do you guys think of his new information? i hope he no longer counts as over powered ^-^

h ok, if he's larger with larger wings that's ok!

Very, very well done, much better! ^-^  I do think it is quite a well made OC now, detailed backstory, balanced abilities, fascinating characterization :)

Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Oct 31, 16:23:26
Very, very well done, much better! ^-^  I do think it is quite a well made OC now, detailed backstory, balanced abilities, fascinating characterization :)

Well thank you Magus, i'm glad you like this version. In fact i believe i like this version of him far better than the previous one.
I'm actually working on another one right now who's supposed to be his assistant, but she's still in the works.

Thanks for the more light hearted reviews everypony! /)^3^(\

if there was one thing which might become an issue, it's that your backstory might get retconned by season 3 episodes, especially the history episodes.  x3  but your decision as to how to handle that, if you want.

Quote from: The Wandering Magus on 2012 Nov 01, 16:31:58
if there was one thing which might become an issue, it's that your backstory might get retconned by season 3 episodes, especially the history episodes.  x3  but your decision as to how to handle that, if you want.

Yea, i'm aware i'll have to change his back story when season 3 airs. but i can't do anything about it until season 3 airs XD

hello everypony how's it going? i'm making this edit to show you guys something quite funny
~Funfact: Smokeout Knight went through 3 prototypes before his current design, anyone who's checked the old thread  has seen his most recent prototype.
I assume you'd like to see my...ahem...failures?  :] Well, i'd be happy to oblige
Here is Smokeout's earliest incarnation: Note how different and plane he was but you can see a tid bit from his current design in the tail.


Here is his second incarnation: as you can see, i abandoned all forms of restraint and made him look as threatening as possible. Believe it or not, his first 2 incarnations were meant to be evil and back then he was named Chess Master


Note how i actually made him look like a villain and how his first 2 incarnations are alicorns. This was due to me treating his creation as if it were an action based anime. You see, i am actually working on a manga series of my own so you could consider this bleed over from that mindset.

Here is his most recent failure. At this point his name was changed mainly because i didn't think "Chess Master" fit the MLP naming style, so i named him "Smokeout" nothing more nothing less. (he became "Smokeout Knight" when i posted the thread)


Hope you guys enjoy his earlier forms, i kinda find it funny how he's changed over the course of his creation

Certainly a fascinating journey through your thought processes as you created and expanded on him :)  It seems similar to the journey many of us had to make when designing our characters x3 from the rough initial concepts to extreme detail, to pulling back and melding different thoughts together into more balanced forms.

it's a great thing that such a mary sue looking pony can still become dulled down and equal. Though I have to say, that's a good sense of style!

Quote from: ShadowHeart on 2012 Nov 06, 12:58:33
it's a great thing that such a mary sue looking pony can still become dulled down and equal. Though I have to say, that's a good sense of style!

QuoteCertainly a fascinating journey through your thought processes as you created and expanded on him   It seems similar to the journey many of us had to make when designing our characters  from the rough initial concepts to extreme detail, to pulling back and melding different thoughts together into more balanced forms.

Thank you both.

I have to agree Shadow. Being a manga artist who's created over 300 characters, i'v had to come up with nearly as many different designs for them(granted they aren't ponies) but this is also taking into account that alot of those "300+" characters were trashed or remade, just like Smokeout. It's always safe to remember that when creating a series of your own, you must make sure each character looks different and are also unique. It is also a good idea to remember that even if you make a character who is a god mode character, even then they have to be fleshed out beyond simply saying they appeared, they created and they're invincible.

And to Magus: yea, i agree

he looks like a pony my oc would like :3

Quote from: kenan89 on 2012 Nov 07, 14:44:16
he looks like a pony my oc would like :3

probably because your pony is in the first stage of character creation, no offense.

Quote from: kenan89 on 2012 Nov 07, 14:44:16
he looks like a pony my oc would like :3

Well, Smokeout's a knowledge seeker and after reading through your OC, i don't know enough about your characters personality...so i can't say whether Smokeout would actually get along with him.

i'm surpised that this version is so much better than the last....

x3 I'm glad that you improved!  And I hope that you continue improving as you possibly create more OCs in the future :)

I love the new form of your OC!