Confession Thread

Started by Equestrian, 2012 May 08, 09:31:23

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Rainy-Chan

Quote from: Ozzy on 2012 May 09, 05:44:30
Here's a slightly less serious confession, I haven't watched season 2 and do not see myself watching it some time soon

same here

Chishio Kunrin

2012 May 09, 09:15:55 #41 Last Edit: 2012 May 09, 09:29:47 by Chishio Kunrin
Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 04:44:26
Quote from: Des Monty on 2012 May 09, 03:27:18
But on a more serious note, why is that? Do you have support from friends in school?

(story of my life inc. enjoy this post, ill never write anything like it again)
-snip-

Rainy-Chan! *Hug* It's like we're almost kin. :'( Only things went a bit different for me. As soon as I started school, the other kids bullied me. I don't really know why. I never did anything to them. My only guess is that it was because I'm different, meaning because I've had arthritis since I was like... 4. I ended up just sitting there and taking it, letting them bully me, until the day that I snapped and beat them all up until the school threatened to send me to a discipline campus. Honestly, punishing me for defending myself?

Didn't matter anyway because after that, everyone pretended I didn't exist 98% of the time. That even went on into high school. I think it was in middle school that I stopped trying to tell anyone about how I felt or any of the struggles I went through because I was often met with teasing or "nobody cares." In fact, I think it was the day that someone actually said to me "Shut up. Nobody cares." that I stopped.

I didn't have much of a social life until 10th grade, and I only got my first circle of friends (who didn't treat me like crap or ignore me like the ones before) because of anime. We were a group of friends who loved anime and started an anime club. That's one reason anime is dear to me and I hate when people make fun of it.

In my senior year, though, I really wanted to snap again and beat people up to teach them a lesson again before I left. Why? Because they remembered how I played pretend in kindergarten and made fun of me for that, yet somehow, they forgot about me fighting them back then. Now how in the world are you gonna make fun of someone for being a child when they were a child? Every time someone mentioned that or teased me for that, I wanted to punch them in the face. It's stupid how something like that can follow you, and it's annoying how stupid bullies can be.

Quote from: Tiger on 2012 May 09, 04:48:06
Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 04:44:26
Quote from: Tiger on 2012 May 09, 02:45:18
I have a weird slight phobia of toilets.

i used to have that as a kid, it was weird

Yay, I'm not alone! :D

So I'm not the only one? o_O I used to be terrified I'd get sucked down the toilet when it flushed, when I was a kid.

Quote from: Firey on 2012 May 09, 02:36:10
(I've kept this a secret for years. Probably 5-6 years)

I'm depressed.

I was in middle school and 9th grade. :c And actually, my mom has a depression disorder she medicates for. I might have it, I dunno.

"(Ticktock, time is running out) What are you doing now?
I don't know where you are, don't even know your name.
They think I'm crazy, my heartbeat goes up..."

GalvinRoe

Quote from: Chishio Kunrin on 2012 May 09, 09:15:55
Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 04:44:26
Quote from: Des Monty on 2012 May 09, 03:27:18
But on a more serious note, why is that? Do you have support from friends in school?

(story of my life inc. enjoy this post, ill never write anything like it again)
-snip-

Rainy-Chan! *Hug* It's like we're almost kin.


Oh! I love you people  :'(! So good to have a community like this where you can share your stories! Good to have people listen and think about them! Good for everyone, really. Here we have another reason I feel I must contriubte more to the pony community!

As it goes I too have had troubles but I LOVE how everything turned out! I shall skip my early childhood as it goes I was always "strange" but people liked my eccentricity (so I was VERY fortunate coupled with a rebellious spirit and an uncaring attitude towards what others thought, well let's just say I was fine) until I hit about 13-14. Then I struck myself into a nilhistic mindset, unable to forsee any potential in living at all I came so close to suicide.

I was taking (semi-foricbly) to a psychologist and discussion of medication was in the offing. I could not stand that, I for one was more than proud for my "individualism" I was addicted to it. I could not have ANYTHING affect it and even a minor change to my brain chemistry was a death to my way of life, so I pretended to be fine for awhile. Suicide had been shakin out of me by that horrifying intervention but I certainly was depressed.

Then i found Buddhism . . . Anime and eventually friends with ideals as strong as my own. As goes I have had my troubles and I do not weigh troubles on a scale, everyone has their troubles and some people have "more" troubles. No, I am just happy to be here with all of you.

Now, that I am past my teenage years I am something of an artist (more of a creative at the moment but soon to be artist) and I have taken an UNSPEAKABLE ammount of insperation from this community. The music the ideals, ah it is so beautiful and I hope I may be able to return the favor in some small kind . . .

->Now, here is my confession! I am taking a great deal of motivation away with me, from this thread and will undoubetedly utilize it in some form or manner!

Teal Turken

Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 04:44:26
Quote from: Des Monty on 2012 May 09, 03:27:18
But on a more serious note, why is that? Do you have support from friends in school?


(story of my life inc. enjoy this post, ill never write anything like it again)
Nah, they didn't take me seriously either. Now I do have a couple of friends that threat me like an equal but before that I never had anyone like that.

Think of it this way, as soon as I started school i was bullied. It made me badly tempered and i had problems talking to people because the bullying. Because of that and that fact that my parents never saw me as an equal or found the energy to listen to what i said i had some issues expressing myself as well. So the bullying went on for about 5-6 years and during this time nobody cared for me, i was one of those guys who never really mattered. When i said something the usual response was "yea, whatever" and then ignored me, even if i was right. The other grown ups used to scold me when i was fighting back when the bullies were on me as well, so all i could do was to sit back and take everything and never utter a word.

I could have endured everything in school if it wasn't for my parents. My mother is the kind of person that blames you for everything and told me terrible things like "i dont even understand how you can have any friends, jimmy." so when i was around 13 years old i stopped talking to her about my emotions and later about things in general. Even though she was so cold and mean my father still takes the price. Every time i tried speak to him about things he ignored it and when i was upset about it he told me that "I'm the man in the house, i'm in charge here." It was as if they had me as their child just because i happened to be there and their only job was to feed me and make sure i didn't die. It made me feel as if i was a dog.

It might not sound that bad but this cold and emotionless life i lived lead to a couple of years of self-harm which sucked really bad and i learned to never cry. Still haven't cried a single tear in four years. This might sound harsh but they are the reason a lot of sh­­it happened to me and at times i wish they could both die in a car accident or something so i could start a new life without them.

I know a lot of teenagers says this but i think i actually hate them.


Also at times i wish i was a girl


Quote from: Tiger on 2012 May 09, 02:45:18
I have a weird slight phobia of toilets.


i used to have that as a kid, it was weird


It hurts me alot to hear about other people who have had lives like this.
It reminds me that not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I've had nothing like this. Maybe a bad thing here and there but....
I actually cry when I hear about people who lose there homes, starving children, sickness....
It makes me wish I could be there for everyone but I can't :c
All I can say is I'm sorry.

Rad Thunder

 :'( Wow Rainy. You've had it bad.
Makes my confession seem thin...

Rainy-Chan

You guys are too kind, although it's not as it sounds. I don't talk to the people from my old school anymore and i have a few friends that actually matters now. I'm also graduating soon and have a chance got get out of this hole and go to boarding school instead. I don't talk to my father nowadays either, as soon as i turned 18 i blocked him out of my life and started living at my mother full time. I'll probably do the same with my mother once im out of here.

After boarding school i'll probably try and get a job far away from where i live now and finally start a new life anywhere else. I can't wait.

The reason i told you all that other stuff was just to explain why i actually do hate my parents. I know it's dumb to blame others but everything would have been so much different if they could both behave like normal people. The only good thing  i learned from growing up with those two are how not to threat a child. Hopefully i'll be a father some day and try and be the good parent mine never was. Totally looking forward to it   0:)

Chishio Kunrin

Ah yes.. My mom has had trouble with her mom lately. My grandma kind of steals from her own children. :s We let her live here for quite a while, and when she finally moved out, we discovered that a ton of our stuff went missing just because she figured "I'll need this and this and this, and they won't miss this because they have two, and I want this and need this." Also, she turned around and asked us to give her things that she had given to us as gifts...

I don't understand how some parents can be like that toward their own kids. ono

"(Ticktock, time is running out) What are you doing now?
I don't know where you are, don't even know your name.
They think I'm crazy, my heartbeat goes up..."

Rainy-Chan

Quote from: Chishio Kunrin on 2012 May 09, 13:00:00
I don't understand how some parents can be like that toward their own kids. ono

Me neither. One would think that fully grown up people would know better  :l

snarfgsnor

Quote from: Chishio Kunrin on 2012 May 09, 13:00:00
Ah yes.. My mom has had trouble with her mom lately. My grandma kind of steals from her own children. :s We let her live here for quite a while, and when she finally moved out, we discovered that a ton of our stuff went missing just because she figured "I'll need this and this and this, and they won't miss this because they have two, and I want this and need this." Also, she turned around and asked us to give her things that she had given to us as gifts...

I don't understand how some parents can be like that toward their own kids. ono

well maybe it wasnt stealing but more like an issue or something. i have seen people do this. i dont know what its called but its something psychological (if i spelled that right). do dont think of it as stealing more than something mental.

avatar made by TheMysteriousArtist,and stardust for the pictures in the signature. go check thoose artists out!!

Chishio Kunrin

Quote from: snarfgsnor on 2012 May 09, 13:01:47
Quote from: Chishio Kunrin on 2012 May 09, 13:00:00
Ah yes.. My mom has had trouble with her mom lately. My grandma kind of steals from her own children. :s We let her live here for quite a while, and when she finally moved out, we discovered that a ton of our stuff went missing just because she figured "I'll need this and this and this, and they won't miss this because they have two, and I want this and need this." Also, she turned around and asked us to give her things that she had given to us as gifts...

I don't understand how some parents can be like that toward their own kids. ono

well maybe it wasnt stealing but more like an issue or something. i have seen people do this. i dont know what its called but its something psychological (if i spelled that right). do dont think of it as stealing more than something mental.

She's no kleptomaniac (probably the word you're looking for). She kind of has a habit of using her kids, apparently. She's very upset that my aunt let me have her car because she thinks that she should have the car. Meanwhile, she owes my aunt quite a bit of money and has crossed her so many times. My mom didn't understand her sister's view of grandma until after all this.

Seriously, though, everything she took was house supplies she'd need for her apartment. :I Instead of buying the stuff like a normal person, she took it from us. Then again, she's kinda bad with money. "I need to save money for this-- OOH, Derrell, let's go to a casino!"

"(Ticktock, time is running out) What are you doing now?
I don't know where you are, don't even know your name.
They think I'm crazy, my heartbeat goes up..."

Des Monty

2012 May 09, 14:09:01 #50 Last Edit: 2012 May 09, 14:10:55 by Des Monty
Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 04:44:26
Quote from: Des Monty on 2012 May 09, 03:27:18
But on a more serious note, why is that? Do you have support from friends in school?


(story of my life inc. enjoy this post, ill never write anything like it again)
Nah, they didn't take me seriously either. Now I do have a couple of friends that threat me like an equal but before that I never had anyone like that.

Think of it this way, as soon as I started school i was bullied. It made me badly tempered and i had problems talking to people because the bullying. Because of that and that fact that my parents never saw me as an equal or found the energy to listen to what i said i had some issues expressing myself as well. So the bullying went on for about 5-6 years and during this time nobody cared for me, i was one of those guys who never really mattered. When i said something the usual response was "yea, whatever" and then ignored me, even if i was right. The other grown ups used to scold me when i was fighting back when the bullies were on me as well, so all i could do was to sit back and take everything and never utter a word.

I could have endured everything in school if it wasn't for my parents. My mother is the kind of person that blames you for everything and told me terrible things like "i dont even understand how you can have any friends, jimmy." so when i was around 13 years old i stopped talking to her about my emotions and later about things in general. Even though she was so cold and mean my father still takes the price. Every time i tried speak to him about things he ignored it and when i was upset about it he told me that "I'm the man in the house, i'm in charge here." It was as if they had me as their child just because i happened to be there and their only job was to feed me and make sure i didn't die. It made me feel as if i was a dog.

It might not sound that bad but this cold and emotionless life i lived lead to a couple of years of self-harm which sucked really bad and i learned to never cry. Still haven't cried a single tear in four years. This might sound harsh but they are the reason a lot of sh­­it happened to me and at times i wish they could both die in a car accident or something so i could start a new life without them.

I know a lot of teenagers says this but i think i actually hate them.


Also at times i wish i was a girl


Quote from: Tiger on 2012 May 09, 02:45:18
I have a weird slight phobia of toilets.


i used to have that as a kid, it was weird


For some reason I feel as if you've exaggerated a few things. If not I feel real bad for you. My youth was just as rough. Going to juvi, beaten by parents, placed in foster care, no social life, etc. In the end you just have to fight through all the mess, hang on to the few people that actually care for you, and try to make better of your life. It's going to be rough but that's how life is sadly enough. At least you've got us to take along for the ride.  :D

Rainy-Chan

Quote from: Des Monty on 2012 May 09, 14:09:01
For some reason I feel as if you've exaggerated a few things. If not I feel real bad for you. My youth was just as rough. Going to juvi, beaten by parents, placed in foster care, no social life, etc. In the end you just have to fight through all the mess, hang on to the few people that actually care for you, and try to make better of your life. It's going to be rough but that's how life is sadly enough. At least you've got us to take along for the ride.  :D

I try not to exaggerate things. This is how i felt growing up, however i am happy that my parents didn't beat me and that they at least stayed together for as long as they did and my bullies didn't beat me so hard i bled or had any fractures and lots of times it was more psychological than physical bullying. There seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel so i'm staying optimistic and hoping for better times really soon  ^-^

Des Monty

Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 14:36:48
Quote from: Des Monty on 2012 May 09, 14:09:01
For some reason I feel as if you've exaggerated a few things. If not I feel real bad for you. My youth was just as rough. Going to juvi, beaten by parents, placed in foster care, no social life, etc. In the end you just have to fight through all the mess, hang on to the few people that actually care for you, and try to make better of your life. It's going to be rough but that's how life is sadly enough. At least you've got us to take along for the ride.  :D

I try not to exaggerate things. This is how i felt growing up, however i am happy that my parents didn't beat me and that they at least stayed together for as long as they did and my bullies didn't beat me so hard i bled or had any fractures and lots of times it was more psychological than physical bullying. There seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel so i'm staying optimistic and hoping for better times really soon  ^-^


So glad to hear that.


Dr. Krest

2012 May 09, 15:20:58 #53 Last Edit: 2012 May 09, 15:24:40 by Dr. Krest
Hmmmm... Well since everyone else is doing it:

The bullying thing was natural in middle school. Of course, I was the one that got in trouble even though I didn't hit anyone - they hit me. I swear the administration gets paid by bullies... Tons of ISS for that.

The only grade I really failed (I passed but just barely) in was 5th grade. That was also the year that chicks were attracted to me. Fail at grades = instant chicks. Nice formula, eh?

In 9th grade I had a Reincarnation dream which seriously made me change my beliefs. Christianity went bye-bye instantaneously. Right after that dream I started researching philosophy, theosophy, myths, legends, etc. I believe in Root Races - the concept not the creator's specifications about it. I took an existential turn in contrast to GalvinRoe's nihilist turn and mastered "the Other and the Look" [seeing everything through the Other side of the Looking glass].

Eventually I began using Stoicism as a basis to form my own philosophy which I call Krestism. It utilizes the parallel universe concept and far far beyond it - being one of the first sets of beliefs beyond just universal.

Lastly, I don't really wish I was a girl as much as I wish I was in a female vessel (body). I find the male vessel weak and inadequate in concerns to what all it can be used for in comparison to the female vessel.

Oh, and I'm an optimistic cynic.

Rainy-Chan

Quote from: Dr. Krest on 2012 May 09, 15:20:58
I find the male vessel weak and inadequate

i second this

Haned tom.

Quote from: Rainy-Chan on 2012 May 09, 15:32:13
Quote from: Dr. Krest on 2012 May 09, 15:20:58
I find the male vessel weak and inadequate

i second this

I agree as well with this statement.
In life there is no good or evil. There is only opinions and business.

KillerJH2

 >:/ :/
I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
>.<

Des Monty

Quote from: KillerJH2 on 2012 May 09, 16:20:11
>:/ :/
I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
>.<

I'm telling mom!



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