... Hello?

Started by ComputerDeathglare, 2012 Dec 17, 18:55:41

previous topic - next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Go Down

ComputerDeathglare

First off, don't hate on me for my current feelings. I can't help it...

I think I have depression. It happens every Winter, but now, it feels real and it hurts. I feel like everyone hates me, that I'm no use. Even ponies and writing hurt, two of my favorite things. My mom is always mad at me, even when I don't do anything. I cry a lot and I miss all my old friends and my old house and my cats. I can't walk into a pet store without crying because I miss my kitties. Right now I'm alone, and I feel like finally the earth has put my physical body where my mentality is. I keep thinking about my very best friend, and I try drawing her fursona to calm my mind, but it only hurts more. I wish I had her right now. I wish I could feel safe again. I was feeling almost blocked out of the forums, like all my friends here hated me, and I'm finally readjusting, I don't like this at all. I even dread Christmas coming. I feel like it will be like last year, no gifts, no love, just bitter hatred for each other. I feel like I'm about to cry again, and I have a searing headache. I feel like nopony appreciates anything I do, like praise is simply to hide that they hate my creation. I even feel like my dad hates me, and I'm a daddy's girl. The only thing I look foreward to is my thirteenth birthday, but that's in February. I want my older brother here, but he's hours away. I want my cats who are days away. I want my friends who are probably a few minutes away, but refuse to be found. I can't tell my parents. I did, they told me to stop being a drama queen. I hate them, I hate life, I hate this god dammed world.

But there is one thing that makes me happy, that pulls me out of my depression.

I am a brony.
By Sulfur

dA
Tumblr (SFW)

Midnight Breeze

As someone who both works in mental health care and suffers from Major Depressive Disorder, I suggest you speak to a doctor. I lived with depression for nearly ten years before finally seeking help, but I'm glad I finally did.

You say you're a daddy's girl, try talking to him about it.

SweBow

2012 Dec 17, 19:05:26 #2 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 17, 19:08:05 by SweBow
Hey,

To me it actually sounds like you're bored. When you got nothing to do, you get depressed. The more you have nothing to do, the more you think and overthink stuff, the more depressed you get.

I for one, don't care about presents anymore. I'm old though, making my own income, so it's maybe a different story here but still. It's material things. They will break eventually, you will never miss them etc. But yes, the feeling of loosing a cat. I remember a cat I had on the farm where I grew up. She was one might fine predator. We had zero mice on the farm and it was a big place!

She was very social with the people there, always loved to interact with you... man I miss that kitty cat.


What I would recommend you to do is actually to talk with your friends! You don't have to meet them, why not play a online game? Hmm... TF2? Minecraft? It's a bunch of fun and free games on Steam you can play with your friends. Just download and play away!

The Silent Wolf

I know how you feel. Just, it's everyday for me. Vent art can help, vent out your feelings with paper or even digitally. It really helps when I'm angry or something is on my mind making me sad.
If The Silent Wolf is to long, just call me Kake

Skype if you happen to want to talk to me: Pokemonvskirby
I'm a little seal nerd, short and stout, here is my flipper, here is my snout~

ComputerDeathglare

The great amd powerful SweBow commented. O:

I guess I am bored, but then I get bored every Winter, I guess. I don't really care about presents either, but rather my mom got mad at me last year for literally nothing. She threw away the tree and stuff like that. That's where my fear of my mom kind of spawned. I wish I could, but they never gave me their email addresses and such and so. My best friend's email is stored in my parent's hotmail, but I've been so afraid to email her. I think she forgot me, it's been several years. I play games on my tablet, and that makes me feel better but my mom calls me lazy and gets even more mad. She was happy earlier and kissed me on the cheek, but I don't get why she can't be like that more.

Quote from: The Silent Wolf on 2012 Dec 17, 19:33:54
I know how you feel. Just, it's everyday for me. Vent art can help, vent out your feelings with paper or even digitally. It really helps when I'm angry or something is on my mind making me sad.


Been doing that so much. :')
By Sulfur

dA
Tumblr (SFW)

SweBow

Parents can be angry for no reason. But often it's something bugging them.

When I was your age. We had economical problems for example. It sometimes went out on us children but it was never ment to be like that. When you grow older and think about it. You will forgive them. It's hard when it happens and never blame yourself for what ever reason, if it now even is a reason, might be.

Talk with your mom and see if you two can do something together? Make gingerbread men? Got snow? If so, build one of these : http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b6/Sn%C3%B6lykta1.jpg/800px-Sn%C3%B6lykta1.jpg (I have no clue what the english name for them are, the swedish directly translated is Snow Lamp)

Easy to do and looks great! Remember to have a parent to help you with the small candle in side it.

Chishio Kunrin

I've felt depressed before, too. Some of the time, I guess it was partially from not having anything to do or anyone to talk to, but those reasons were mainly in 8th and 9th grade. I did even end up thinking a lot, but I ended up thinking in a good way, I guess. Just pondering philosophically, in a way. Still, it was pretty sad.

One year, I didn't really care about Christmas or presents. I didn't get hyped, but I didn't let that show. I just didn't care. I don't exactly remember why, other than there wasn't even anything on my list that I actually really wanted. I must admit that the amazingness of a birthday has also started wearing off for me, which could be for a number of reasons:
1. We haven't been able to really spend a bunch of money to do something big and celebratory. My birthday cakes have even been late a couple of times, due to not having time and such.
2. I just don't even know what to do for my birthday anymore. Gifts? Cake? Something's missing.
3. I'm too much like my father. He's not very crazy about his birthdays anymore. A small part of that is the fact that his birthday is the day after mine, so we always share a party.

Times like this happen. But with some strength and support and some friendship, even if it's just a little bit of friendship, you can make it through. I know it sounds cheesy, but you can become stronger from making it through the worse times and not letting them get to you. The hardest part is not letting them get to you, though. But eventually, one day, you may find yourself able to let go of some of the darker days and resolving to leave it behind. It can still hurt at times, but nowhere near as much as it used to. It becomes quite bearable and can be laid to rest.

"(Ticktock, time is running out) What are you doing now?
I don't know where you are, don't even know your name.
They think I'm crazy, my heartbeat goes up..."

Rissian

2012 Dec 17, 21:32:30 #7 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 17, 21:34:50 by Trege
Listening to happy music can help as well, sometimes depression is just a state of mind and sometimes it's physical. If it's physical depression drinking water and such can help. It could also be seasonal depression a lot of people tend to get that. A good thing to do is try to find fun and happy things to do. My parents tend to get on edge when our taxes are due because we worry we may not have enough money to pay them when they come up. We were sort of counting on my mom's college funds to help us a bit with that since she already has her books but those funds didn't come. So like Swebow said sometimes parents can just be put on edge by things and act slightly mean.

Spoiler: Cheerful music • show

If it helps listen to winter wrap up and know that this winter will eventually come to an end and it will be spring once again,
[ Invalid YouTube link ]

[ Invalid YouTube link ]

ComputerDeathglare

Thanks, guys. It feels better telling ponies about it. And, Trege, I thought I might have seasonal depression, but I thought there wasn't such a thing.
By Sulfur

dA
Tumblr (SFW)

Chishio Kunrin

2012 Dec 17, 21:40:09 #9 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 17, 22:04:20 by Chishio Kunrin
Yeah, I've been having to adjust to taking some of my mom's somewhat anger-like speaking every once in a while. I have to remind myself that she usually does it when she's in a lot of physical pain or not feeling well from her diabetes.

Sometimes thinking "This should be a happy occasion, but it's not. Everyone else out there is happy right now." can bring your mood down too. There are a couple of reasons cops are often extremely busy during Christmas time - some people become dangers to themselves or others, whether physically clear of mind or not, if you get what I mean in both halves there.

It can take practice to put yourself into a certain better mindset, in this case putting some optimism into your head or trying your best to look at what you do have or look forward. To be honest, I sometimes distract myself and entertain myself or sleep, but considering your mom's attitude... I don't know. You could busy yourself with chores while listening to some nice music and let yourself just get into the zone in the music while you do it. Once all the chores are done, do whatever else. Your mom shouldn't fuss at you for being lazy if you just did a bunch of chores.

[Edit]: You could also try to find comedy videos and stuff, find something on Youtube or somewhere with a style of humor you like. Laughter really can help. Even if I'm sad one day, if I go on Youtube and watch videos from, say, PewDiePie or the Yogscast, I can end up laughing at some of their videos and start feeling better.

"(Ticktock, time is running out) What are you doing now?
I don't know where you are, don't even know your name.
They think I'm crazy, my heartbeat goes up..."

ComputerDeathglare

I've been watching Tobuscus and MLP today. I didn't before because I lost my headphones. lol
By Sulfur

dA
Tumblr (SFW)

Go Up