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Topics - Renatan

1
Pony Off-Topic Archive / Pony OC Critiques
2015 Apr 18, 13:05:21
Ah, I hope this is in the right place for this kinda thing X3

I just thought I'd mention this here, I don't mean to sound self absorbed, but I created a blog about pony OC designs. It's a place where you can submit a picture of your OC and I will give feedback on what's good and what's not-so-good. It's hosted on Tumblr. If you're interested in that kinda thing it would be great if you could submit a character, I don't have any yet (I'm not popular, I'm afraid :c )

The blog is completely SFW with nothing sexual or violent (and if anything does come up like that I'll be tagging it anyways).  http://mlpocfixup.tumblr.com/ is the link to it if anyone cares to look.
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So I thought I'd make this so people could say what they personally thought made an OC bad. Please be respectful of everyone's opinion! Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it will ALWAYS be bad.

I personally believe that if you have to question an OCs very existence something is wrong there. This tends to happen with alicorns as alicorns are royalty and gods but some OCs don't reflect this. Some people think their alicorn will be accepted more if they aren't royalty but that isn't true as it tends to raise more questions than it avoids. Of course, alicorns aren't the only ones that can feel out of place. Any race can if he/she isn't explained well. It's okay if people think "what??" when they first see your character but once they read his/her description they should find it makes sense. If they don't your character needs edits! I'll admit that I have a few OCs (some aren't MLP related though) that aren't explained and seem out of place in the universe they are in. I think we all break some of our own rules every now and then though, right? :ajshifty:

Another problem I have is those flat, personality dead characters. Every fandom seems to have people who do this: a character should never, ever, ever be described as only "sweet, kind, caring" or "violent, cruel, proud", ect... They need depth! A nice person is more than JUST nice! And a violent person tends to have many personality traits, they don't dedicate their entire life to fighting or whatever 24/7! Stop it!  >:( If I, a mere child, am able to do this I know teenagers and adults can.

So to summarize: A character should never feel unnatural in his/her environment and a character should not follow only 2 or 3 personality traits. It's boring and unrealistic. Heck, even cats and other animals that can't talk have developed personalities!

Sorry about any strange writing. I'm a bit tired  X3
So, what do you guys think breaks an OC? If you disagree with something another person says please politely tell them why. Everybody has different views on things and no opinion is better than the others. Thanks!  <3
3
Finally! I made this! Whoo!  :D

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Race:
Appearance:
Does your pony already do their special talent?:
Other:

To avoid confusion: the second last bar is asking if your pony does what they are good at, but hasn't realized it's their talent yet. For example, in the show Sweetie Belle's talent seems to be singing. She already sings, but doesn't realize that it's her talent. If this is the case for your OC, say "yes". If your pony has a talent that they haven't tried yet, say "no".

I think I touched all that needs to be in there. If you want you can add a personality or say what their talent will end up being, or whatever else you feel should be on there  ;)
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Just the OOC thread. Please keep all OOC here unless urgent! Thanks!

Remember to post here at least once to receive notifications from the OOC  :]
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The way a pony gets his or her cutiemark is known by everypony: they get it when they discover what makes them special and unique from everypony else. Most of the time ponies get their cutiemarks during their foalhood. Very rarely do you see a teenager or adult without a cutiemark (Unless you're a background pony). However, a few ponies who are no longer foals are still blank flanks. Not having a cutie mark as a foal was bad enough, but being an adult without one is even worse! These ponies decided to band together and try to see what their talents are. They must get their cutiemarks! Everypony had one! This is the story of some ponies long overdo on their realization of what they are meant to do.

So, what path are you destined to?

~~~~~~~~~
Yes, this is like a teenager/adult version of the CMC  :) I'm thinking of having it placed in Ponyville or Manehatten. Be aware that if you want to, you can just take an adult OC of yours and remove their cutiemark for this RP. You do not have to create a brand new OC unless you want to! Because these characters are older than the CMC, I don't expect them to always do the same things as the 3 fillies do, but they will still be trying to get their cutiemarks at anything they can think of.

OOC: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=10330.msg754339#msg754339
Sign-up: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=10331.msg754344#msg754344

Rules:
No cussing (only pony swears)
No powerplay/godmodding
No fighting OOC. If a problem arises come to me. Remember: I'm the god GM of this RP.
Please, for my sanity and the sanity of others, at least TRY to use proper spelling and grammar. It's fine to make a typo. It's fine to get "your" and "you're" mixed up. But if what you say is just unreadable and could end up on Your Grammar Sucks, don't expect to be accepted into the RP. So donrt talrk lke thz n jst cut ot l3tt3rz n uz nmbrz instd. Yes. I have actually seen people write like that, and if you do it I will ban you from this RP pretty darn quick unless you can learn to not destroy the nice english language.
You may have as many characters as you want
You may submit ponies who DO have cutiemarks, so long as you have at least 1 blank flank character as well
You may use an OC who has a cutie mark and just remove it for this RP
Wait at least 5 pages before your OC has a chance to discover their cutie mark. We can't rush these things! After that he/she may earn it whenever they do something that could trigger it.
Try to not have too many non-pony characters in this. I'm thinking of allowing each player to have 2 non-pony characters each, whether it's a pet, griffon, changeling, ect... If you need more than that message me.
I'll add anything else I can think of as time goes by~
6
I know one of these is already floating around, but I decided to make my own. I'm not going to lie: you may think some things I say are mean. You may notice me calling out mary-sues and gary-sues and it will hurt the creator's feelings.
I don't care.

I'm not saying the characters are BAD. I'm pointing out things that could make them better. If you don't want to hear me pointing out a characters flaws (or lack of flaws) then I recommend leaving this thread. Anybody who posts a character is opening themselves to my flat out honesty, no matter how much it may sting. I'm going to try to not bash the life out of an OC, but sometimes they are just so... Oh why?

Also, any alicorns posted will probably get more flaws pointed out than other OCs. I'm sorry, but alicorns don't tend to sit well with me unless from a story or just for show. Yes, I have an alicorn OC myself, but she is not royal and disabled. I'm not too worried about her being OP. If you look at the Bad Pony OC blog on Tumblr you may get an idea as to what I'm turned off by. However, I will try to be open minded when looking at alicorns. I'm just warning you, since alicorns seem to suggest the creator was being indecisive because he/she could have easily been one race or the other.

-May submit as many OCs as wanted
-All races are open to critique
-Must give me full character bio
-The more information, the better.

*Extra stuff for critiques* Hey, as a message to anybody else who critiques things, it would be great if you would give me some critique on Crooked Path (found on my OC page). I hate how I set up her bio with canon characters.  >.< Thanks!
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RP: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9681.msg744556#msg744556
OOC: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9682.msg744558#msg744558

I am your overlord! Bring me your forms! 8)

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Appearance/pic:
Born race:
New race:
Personality:
Family:
Crush:
RPed by:
Other:

Yeeeees, I have a crush slot for you people! But remember this isn't romance, so don't go too far with it  :/ And before you ask why "RPed by"" is on there it's because I post them at the top of the page and some people (like myself) hate hunting through pages just to find who controls a character. I don't think we'll have many people, but you never know. Just DO IT, MORTAL!  ovO
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RP: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9681.msg744556#msg744556
Sign up: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9683.new#new

Out of character stuff goes here :3 Sign up forms do NOT. They belong in the sign up thread.
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OOC: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9682.new#new
Sign up: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9683.new#new


((Props to anyone who gets the title joke/reference  lol ))

This is just a silly little idea I had. So the idea is that you have your OC(s), but in this RP all their races have been swapped around and they have to try and learn to use their new body. So, for example, an earth pony may become a pegasus and now has to learn to control the weather as well as fly. Unicorns have to learn magic, and earth ponies have to learn to grow crops as well as make sure not to put too much force into anything!
A quick overview of the 3 races abilities:

Pegasi: fly and control weather
Unicorns: can use magic of all sorts
Earth: Are stronger than the other 2 races and better in tune to the Earth (grow crops better, may sense changes in weather, ect...)

The places this will be taking place in are Ponyville and Canterlot. Our characters are the only ponies who have ever had this happen. Due to this being way out there for most , nopony believes what has happened and thinks they are lying or joking around. So, they are on their own. What have you become?

RULES:
No godmodding
No powerplaying
No having your character develop to their new body right away
No offensive language. Only show curses are allowed.
No gore or anything. It's fine to get into fights, just keep it friendly for everybody. The most blood I'm allowing is a nose bleed or if your character gets clawed by a cat or stuck in a thorn bush or something like that. Child friendly.
I am the GM. If I see people fighting in OOC over how things work, I will explain it. However, instead of arguing at all just ASK ME. I'm not as scary as I seem  0:)
Please, no turning into an alicorn. If your character STARTED as an alicorn it's okay, but don't have them change INTO an alicorn. It's OP compared to the others.
You must first sign up in the sign up thread and be accepted before RPing.
You may submit as many characters as you want
Tell me I'm pretty  <3


I think that's about it! All genders, ages, ect... welcome! Make your poor OC(s) suffer the awkwardness of a new body! lol (That's a joke for some older people, in case you couldn't tell)

Characters:

Spoiler: show

Name: StarSong
Gender: Mare
Age: 16
Appearance/pic: Avatar...
Spoiler: And here • show

Born race: Pegasus
New race: Earth Pony?
Personality: Sarcastic, sometimes logical, very joking, sweet towards some ponies.
Family: None that anypony would need to be concerned with
Crush: White Shimmer x3
RPed by: Starsong
Other: Can tend to be kind of flirty, good with kids, kinda playful I guess... Can't think of any thing else that would matter...
Oh and you're pretty

Name:Blobking
Gender:Male
Age: around 21
Appearance/pic: in signaure
Born race: Unicorn
New race: Pagasususus
Personality: humorous, logical, can be as serious as required
Family: none...
Crush:... classified
RPed by: Blobking156
Other: owns a video game shop, has an adopted son who is a Pegasususus.
also, has an ability to allow him to tap into Hammerspace and pull out stuff from other universes.

Name: Minora
Gender: Mare
Age: 14
Appearance/pic: In my avatar/ Here because I dont know how to put it in the spoiler:
Spoiler: show

Born race: Pegasus
New race: Unicorn
Personality: Socially awkward, usually happy, loves singing, and loves to play her violin.
Family: Her younger sister is Leora, she wont tell me anything else :P
Crush: Star-Song
RPed by: Me, LeoraNFriends
Other: Helllloooo nurse~ You are pretty Renatan <3

Name: Leora
Gender: Mare
Age: 14
Appearance/pic:
Spoiler: show

Born race: Pegasus
New race: Unicorn
Personality: Loves to dance, has a passion for video games, loves to learn japanese, she loves chinese food, and she hates losing to other people in competitions.
Family: Stated above that Minora is her sister.
Crush: Click Clack
RPed by: Me, LeoraNFriends
Other: Bluh

Name:Flutter Heart
Gender:Female
Age:12
Appearance/pic: profile pic
Born race:pegasususuusus
New race:Unicorn
Personality:Bubbly,Creative,kind,and random
Family:Night Shine(sister), Dusk Light(dad),Bright Flower(mom)
Crush:Super Classified
RPed by:Cotton Ball
Other:Loves napping on clouds and couldnt live without them

Name: Click Clack
Gender: female
Age: 14
Appearance/pic:
Spoiler: show

Born race: earth pony
New race: unicorn
Personality: friendly, competitive, playful, outgoing, honest
Family: None worth mentioning
Crush: None
RPed by: Renatan
Other: none

Name: Dark Grave
Gender: female
Age: 16
Appearance/pic:
Spoiler: show

Born race: pegasus
New race: earth pony
Personality: determined, hard working, reserved, distant, "evil", insane
Family: None of importance
Crush: None
RPed by: Renatan
Other: Her apprentice is Loath Flash

Name: Loath Flash
Gender: female
Age: 9
Appearance/pic:
Spoiler: show

Born race: unicorn
New race: pegasus
Personality: loyal, stubborn, childlike, sometimes uncertain, hesitant, eager to learn
Family: None
Crush: None
RPed by: Renatan
Other: She is Dark Grave's apprentice.

Name: Laebenal
Gender: Mare
Age: 15
Spoiler: Appearance/pic: • show


Born race: Nightmare/ Pegasus
New race: "Normal" Unicorn
Spoiler: Something like this • show


Personality: Shy, likes to be alone, doesn't trust anyone easily and she is mostly nice to everyone
Family: none
Crush: none
RPed by: Laebenal
Other: Doesn't like being near to big groups of ponies

Name: Moonlit Rose
Gender: Stallion
Age: 24
Appearance/pic:
Spoiler: show


Born race: Unicorn
New race: Earth pony
Personality: Friendly and flirty, extremely flirty. Except towards fillies, with them he's just kind. And considering that all the mares are really young, he won't flirt with anyone but he'll have a relatively romantic behavior towards them without meaning anything, just to mare them happy when he can without the mean for a romantic relationship with them.
Family: None
Crush: None
RPed by: Weremetalwolf
Other: I dunno, ask Moonlit. Anything you have to say? "She's pretty". I should have guessed that you would say that... [/spoiler]
10
I'm going to post all my OCs here. It will be updated from time to time with new info/characters. I apologize for the lack of images; this will be fixed as soon as possible!

Click Clack

Name: Click Clack
Age: 14
Gender: mare
Race: earth pony
Cutie Mark: 3 marbles
Family: none known
Talent: classic marble games
Likes: playing, sunny days, friends, competitions
Dislikes: bullies, rain, ponies who brag
Enemies: none for the most part
Friends: Pinkie Pie, Twilight, a few other young mares all around town
Fears: Darkness, lightning, bugs
Bio: She was born in Ponyville and grew up with many friends. She was very lively and outgoing, and soon was introduced to a few different games by her friend. She soon discovered a love for marbles. Their designs, shape, and the games possible fascinated her. She woke a few weeks later to discover her cutie mark had appeared, and has stayed in Ponyville to play games and compete with others to see who's the champ!
Born in: Ponyville
Lives in: Ponyville
Theme: none yet
Spoiler: show



Dark Grave

Name: Dark Grave
Age: 19
Gender: mare
Race: pegasus
Cutie Mark: a pony skull
Family: none known
Talent: dark magic/necromancy
Likes: solitude, nature, any weather, night
Dislikes: lots of noise, most fillies/colts, bright lights, Celestia or anyone who could interfere with her talent
Enemies: None officially addressed
Friends: Although she never says it, she considers her apprentice, Loathe Flash, her friend
Fears: Death, some white magic, powerful ponies, dogs, flying/heights/standing on clouds
Bio: Dark Grave was born somewhere uncharted to most ponies, and grew up being taught by her parents. She had no siblings, so she had lots of attention. Her mother was always willing to help her, meanwhile her father worked to keep them alive by gathering food and protecting them from any wild animals, such as Timberwolves. One thing about them, though, was that her father was actually a unicorn; her mother was a Pegasus. Her father had taken her into the woods one day to teach her to gather food that was safe to eat, and to show her what not to eat. While they were there a seemingly mad pony confronted them, demanding them to hand over whatever they had. Of course, this was nothing, for they hadn't even gathered anything yet. This angered the pony, causing him to attack. Dark's father acted quickly, doing the first thing he though of: fight back.
Using his magic he tore a tree limb off, swinging it at the pony.
A sharp crack echoed around the area as the pony slumped over, blood trickling from his head. Dark watched as her father chucked the body away with levitation. He quickly hustled her back to the cottage and told her to stay there for the rest of the day with her mother. But Dark realized something from that experience: she would do anything to use magic. The limits to it were endless. She thought of Celestia and Luna, how they could move the sun and moon! Amazing! She was a Pegasus, but she would still try to learn. In her own way, of course.
Skipping the more grim details, Dark learned magic through using old black magic, long forgotten. She changed things about them so that they could be done with blood, flesh, and bone. No horn needed! To this day she is still practicing, raising her powers. She avoids society as much as possible so as to avoid questions or suspicion. After all, she takes lone, sometimes lost foals and kills them, or cuts off just what she needs and lets them go so long as they don't tell anyone about her.
If they don't bleed to death before they reach anyone first, that is.
(How she met Loathe Flash will be described in Loathe's bio)
Born in: Unknown
Lives in: A forest some ways away from Ponyville
Theme: none yet
Spoiler: show


Crooked Path
Name: Crooked Path
Age: 20
Gender: mare
Race: earth pony
Cutie Mark: 1 red, 1 black, and 1 white arrow twisting and overlapping one-another.
Family: Orphaned; adopted by royalty
Talent: leading ponies to their deaths
Likes: not much of anything, really. The only thing she enjoys really is causing ponies suffering because she feels like it's revenge.
Dislikes: busy places, bright lights, the princesses, nearly every pony she meets
Enemies: Celestia, Luna, Cadence,
Friends: none
Fears: Death, being found out about
Bio: She was a young orphaned filly when she was discovered by Celestia and taken back to the castle. She was raised by the princesses and was mostly happy, but soon realized that some ponies had distaste towards her due to the fact that she lived amongst royalty but was not an alicorn herself. Soon she took up misleading ponies. If anyone ever asked her for help regarding directions she would give them incorrect ones to bother them. Soon ponies became aware of this and their distrust only grew. Upon this, she led fillies and colts into dangerous areas. Thorns, holes, caves, rivers, anything that could harm them. During one of these, a tiny filly ended up dying. Crooked didn't actually mean for it to happen; she had become distracted briefly and wasn't watching the filly. They were near a river, and she had fallen in when Crooked wasn't paying attention. She of course heard the splash, but the water was deep and murky and she was unable to locate the filly, who had gone under the surface, until much later. When she had managed to drag her out, there was little she could do. There was no time to get help, and she knew nothing that could help, thus the death of the filly was determined. Crooked knew she could not return to the castle, so she ran.

The mother of the filly later found her dead daughter. The Canterlot ponies knew it was the work of Crooked Path. Nopony else guided foals near areas such as that one, but no one thought she would ever kill an innocent. They would never know it was all an accident. When Crooked had left the scene, she did not take notice of the change to her pattern; only that to her mind and heart. She was filled with hate, and blamed the others for this. After all, it was they who had deemed her as not worthy of the royal name. While Princess Crooked Path did not sound very pleasant, Princess Silver Song did. Silver Song was what she was originally named, before her cutie mark appeared and she changed her own name. To this day she preys on the lost, being their guide to the grave.
Born in: unknown
Lives in: almost always traveling; hiding most of the time in caves or forests.
Theme: none yet
Spoiler: show


Dainty Lights

Name: Dainty Lights
Age: 9
Gender: filly
Race: earth pony
Cutie Mark: I'm still designing it  x3
Family: unkown
Talent: lighting the street lanterns around Ponyville
Likes: fire, lamps, stars, night, humming, singing, open areas
Dislikes: busy places, swimming, storms, being forced to be around other ponies
Enemies: none by name
Friends: none by name (but she tends to get along with others well enough... by day)
Fears: Foalnappers, forests, predatory animals
Bio: I haven't written a full story yet... But this is actually a horror character  o_o
Born in: Unknown
Lives in: Assumed to live in Ponyville
Theme: She has one, but it isn't being posted quite yet

Spring Healing

Name: Spring Healing
Age: Unknown, but is the eldest of the four sisters.
Gender: filly
Race: earth pony
Cutie Mark: a bloomed orange flower
Family: Sisters with Summer Blaze, Autumn Streak and Winter Massacre
Talent: Bringing forth the season of Spring
Likes: flowers, nature, plants, animals, warm days, the wind
Dislikes: natural disasters, ponymade disasters, death of creatures, winter (as in the cold and death it brings.)
Enemies: none, but doesn't always get along well with Winter Massacre
Friends: Her sisters, and the gods of the weather
Fears: Hurricanes, insanity, deep pits, blizzards
Bio: She is the goddess of Spring, and the eldest of the 4 Season Sisters. She controls the life of new creatures, and beginning the first stages of Spring.
Born in: Nowhere.
Lives in: Anywhere. Can travel the world freely.
Theme: None yet

Summer Blaze

Name: Summer Blaze
Age: Unknown, the second eldest sister.
Gender: filly
Race: unicorn
Cutie Mark: a sun
Family: Sisters with Spring Healing, Autumn Streak and Winter Massacre
Talent: Bringing forth summer
Likes: Heat, playing, sunny days, being outside
Dislikes: rain, mud, sunburns (That's right. Pony sunburns.  B) )
Enemies: None
Friends: Her sisters, and she likes Celestia.
Fears: Sea Monsters, even older gods than the Season Sisters, landslides
Bio: She is the goddess of Summer, and the 2nd eldest of the 4 Season Sisters. She controls the heat of the sun (although Celestia raises it, Summer has more control over the world), the effects of Summer's heat (as in the season. Not the pony here), and slowly changing Spring Healing's weather, life forms, and nature appearance into that of Summer's.
Born in: Nowhere
Lives in: Anywhere she wishes.
Theme: none yet

Autumn Streak

Name: Autumn Streak
Age: Unknown, the 3rd eldest sister.
Gender: filly
Race: pegasus
Cutie Mark: autumn leaves
Family: Sisters with Spring Healing, Summer Blaze and Winter Massacre
Talent: Bringing forth Autumn.
Likes: colours, trees, leaves, flying, relaxing, rivers, beautiful things  *-*
Dislikes: shades, dirt, heat, loud things, darkness
Enemies: None
Friends: Her sisters mostly, but can get along with many ponies.
Fears: Tornadoes, illness, war
Bio: She is the goddess of Autumn, and the 3nd eldest of the 4 Season Sisters. She controls starting up Fall, which means she is responsible for changing the leaves colours and allowing them to fall off the trees. She also changes the winds, but not much. Her powers when it comes to the wind mostly just make it easier for the weather god of the wind to create it. She is also in charge of creating a change to the temperature, dropping it slightly.
Born in: Nowhere
Lives in: Anywhere she wants.
Theme: none yet

Winter Massacre

Name: Winter Massacre
Age: Unknown, is the youngest sister.
Gender: filly
Race: unicorn
Cutie Mark: shards of ice
Family: Sisters with Spring Healing, Summer Blaze and Autumn Streak.
Talent: Bringing forth winter
Likes: snow, being alone, clouds, ice, running around
Dislikes: extreme heat (she stays in another realm during all of Summer and most of Spring), bright light, the desert,
Enemies: none
Friends: Her sisters, but Spring sometimes fights with her because she "kills off life and brings disease"
Fears: When Summer comes, drowning, being stuck in a hot area
Bio: She is the goddess of Winter, and the youngest of the 4 Season Sisters. Although she could be mistaken easily for the cutest, most innocent of the 4 season goddesses, she is also the most deadly. Although the gods of weather are mostly in charge of how the weather ends up, Winter Massacre can actually create her own weather through her magic. She can create blizzards, make it snow, create large ice bodies, and draw in clouds. When Autumn ends and Winter is to set in,  Winter Massacre has the ability to freeze over water, bring in a heavy blanket of snow and create the first snowfall, and in the process ends up killing lots of plants and sometimes animals (much to Spring Healing's horror). Recently it was learned that she can also bring in simple illnesses, such as the cold or flu. She also figured out how to make it snow over top of one particular pony, freezing them to death occasionally. Since she is a unicorn and a god, she can reign ice down on ponies, freeze them to death, give them illness, and other horrific things. Of course, she isn't a senseless killing machine, and likes to snuggle up to ponies just as much as she loves to torment them.
Born in: Nowhere
Lives in: Anywhere she wants.
Theme: none yet

All ponies under this text are from a story!

Beyond Starlight

Name: Beyond Starlight
Age: 27
Gender: mare
Race: unicorn
Cutie Mark: lightbringer cutie mark from the pony creator on this site
Family: Her daughter is Blissful Heart and her husband is Light Bloom
Talent: she is the female leader of the Harmony Saviours
Likes: foals, kind ponies, being a good leader, quiet places
Dislikes: disharmony, war, injury, chaos, the members of the Forsaken Reign
Enemies: all members of Forsaken Reign
Friends: Light Bloom, Blissful Heart,
Fears: The downfall of her ponies, the death of her daughter
Bio: Starlight was born into the Harmony Saviours, a group of ponies who went against the Forsaken Reign. The Forsaken wanted nothing more than to have complete control over the world, and have a burning desire to destroy Celestia, Luna and Cadence. When Starlight was a filly she was trained to heal ponies rather than to battle them, since she was a rather weak foal and nopony thought she would be good for war. But one night a patrol of Forsaken members attacked the city, bringing death and havoc. She and a few other healers were called to help, but as they left the main building were attacked. Nopony else noticed since they had stayed in the shadows, not wanting to be noticed by the enemy. But their plan had turned since the enemy found them, but their fellow Harmony Saviours couldn't. There was Starlight and 3 others, and 5 Forsaken. One of the other fillies named Moondrop faced off to a member of Forsaken Reign, and Starlight backed her up. The other 2 healers were colts and would be able to hold off a Forsaken member all on their own. Although not trained, the 4 of them had some instinctive fighting spirit in them and were able to drive off 2 of the dark figures. With only 3 remaining they were outnumbered by the healers, but it didn't matter. They were warriors, and could fight some healing foals. Starlight quickly whispered to Moondrop to run for help, who hesitated. "What about you?" she had asked. But Starlight insisted, and soon Moondrop darted away. One of the Forsaken gave chase, but was blocked by one of the colts who was a Pegasus. Backup came quickly.
The Harmony warriors drove in, completely demolishing the intruders. Starlight counted 3 in total who had come to help. One of them looked down at her, smiling. " You did the right thing, sending for help. When outnumbered, you should always trust your instincts. If they say get help, do it! Never try to be a hero all on your own, " she told her "you could make a fine leader someday, Starlight"

As years went by, Beyond Starlight mastered healing and learned some fighting skills. She learned quickly and was soon popular among the city, but everypony couldn't help but notice the young mare still had no cutie mark. At age 20 another attack occurred. She rushed into the crowd, blasting a spell. The fight lasted for what felt like forever before all the Forsaken had fled or died. But the victory was not without sacrifice. As was soon revealed to the public, the leaders had both been found dead. With no offspring, they had nopony to lead them. As days went by, the situation worsened. If the Forsaken Reign found out they were leaderless they would launch a large attack, no doubt. So action had to be taken; simply choose a new leader. Although not very upholding of the law, it was the only solution. And the choice was obvious to everypony as to who should be their female leader: Beyond Starlight. Although young she was selfless, clever, and loyal. She knew healing and fighting skills and was overall a kind pony. Of course, Starlight was shocked upon being offered the position, but she made up her mind: she would be their leader. And so it was. Beyond Starlight was now officially the leader of the City, and the Harmony Saviours altogether. Of course, a male was needed to join her. She already knew who she wanted: Light Bloom, the Pegasus colt who had been among the attacked healers when she was a filly. She had quickly learned he was similar to her. A kind, sincere pony. Although he could be a bit awkward he was still a good pony. He accepted her offer and they were the new leaders of the Harmony Saviours. Upon waking a couple days later, she discovered her cutie mark had appeared. A light glowed on it, sending off a mystic beauty. She understood; she was the leader of the Harmony Saviours, and it was her destiny to lead them until her dying day.

A few years afterwards they had a daughter, who they named Blissful Heart. At first Light was unsure of having a foal, but Starlight insisted on it since she never wanted their ponies to be left leaderless again. Although at first Blissful's birth was only so their ponies would have a leader in case they both passed away, they quickly grew to adore her, as did the public.
Born in: The City of the Harmony Saviours
Lives in: The City of the Harmony Saviours
Theme: none yet

Light Bloom

Name: Light Bloom
Age: 28
Gender: stallion
Race: pegasus
Cutie Mark: a golden star
Family: His daughter is Blissful Heart and he is married to Beyond Starlight
Talent: he is the male leader of the Harmony Saviours.
Likes: balance and order, quiet, being with Starlight or Blissful Heart.
Dislikes: windy days, heavy rainfall, fire,
Enemies: Any pony from the Forsaken Reign
Friends: Beyond Starlight, Blissful Heart, Moondrop
Fears: The Forsaken Reign, wars, chaos taking over
Bio:
Born in: The City of the Harmony Saviours
Lives in: The City of the Harmony Saviours
Theme: none yet

Too lazy to finish right now. I'll do some more tomorrow!  :D