Legends of Equestria - Forum

Roleplay Board => Original Characters => Topic started by: 0jackie0 on 2013 Jul 19, 13:12:57

Title: Jackie and the gang (UPDATED: 11/11/2014)
Post by: 0jackie0 on 2013 Jul 19, 13:12:57
OC criticism is always welcome. :3 I would LOVE to hear what you guys think.

My RP rules and standards. Just in case. : P
I won't RP clop. No exceptions.
I prefer narrative, but will accept casual/quick RP's.
Please be semi-lit if you do choose narrative. I'm tired of people mangling their posts or only reading half of mine when I post. It's very frustrating.
I don't mind  casual shipping. None of my OC's will be exclusively shipped to someone, with the exception of Jackie Trade, who is already has a special somepony. She will not be open for ships, no exceptions.
As a reference, all of my OC's are best suited for slice-of-life, but Jackie, Russ and Saffron are able to expand to other genres.

Jackie Trade
(http://0jackie0.weebly.com/uploads/2/6/2/7/26271924/1286210_orig.png)


Spoiler: show

Race: Earth
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Build: Tall, chubby, slightly muscular
Hometown: Manehattan
Occupation: Roofing, oddjobs
Cutie mark: Wrench and hammer crossed over lightning bolt
Talent: Helping others
Sexuality: Lesbian

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Appearance:
She has a messy brown shoulder length mane, brown tail and a grayish tan coat. Only brushes herself to keep the tangles out, so maybe once every few days. Her eyes are brown as well. Wears glasses and a multi-pocket vest, in which she keeps her money and small snacks.

She's about a foot taller than the average mare and a bit bulkier. She does a lot of running around for deliveries and prolonged manual labor, so she has a slightly strong build, but she eats too many sweets and, as a result, maintains a pleasantly plump figure with muscle underneath.

She was made deaf in her left ear, due to a growth that destroyed the inside of her ear canal. It took three separate surgeries to fully remove the growth. Due to the extent of the damage, they had to take part of the cartilage from the rest of her ear to repair the necessary areas.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Personality:
Never seeing a reason to beat around the bush, Jackie can be very direct but feels bad when she hurts somebody's feelings. Her directness is aided by her lack of shame, her slightly twisted sense of humor and the fact that she can be a tad bit flirty at times, although rare. However, a genuine compliment from a friend or someone closer to her will be enough to make her self-conscious. She thinks worrying and pride are a waste of time, even though she's always worried about income. Pride is a pointless feeling to her and she feels it only hinders you. No willpower when it comes to pastries and baked goods, especially honey buns. Food is a fast way to her heart.

She never lies to her friends, as it hurts her to do so. Usually the only reason she will lie to you is if she has been hurt by you or feels that the lie is a necessary means to a favorable end. Luckily, she has rarely been in such a situation.

Initially trusting and accepting of others, as she feels that they have no reason to be dishonest with her. However, if you hurt or betray her, it's rare that you will ever earn that trust again. She figures that trust is the best way to help a pony feel comfortable around her. Makes it a point not to judge. She feels that she has enough noticeable flaws and is comfortable with them, and that being judgmental of others would be hypocritical.

She's usually pretty content, and it takes a lot to bring her down. She also possesses a great deal of patience. The only things that kill her patience are cockiness, hypocrites or unnecessary/busy work. She also tends to get a little grumpy when she can't eat or sleep when she needs to. It irritates her when she's treated like she doesn't know what she's doing.

She has no problem being in front of or speaking to a large crowd, but hates going to parties or clubs, as she does not feel comfortable with the 'party' atmosphere. Would rather enjoy small or intimate get-togethers with friends.

She believes friends are important, even though she doesn't have that many. Puts them on the top of her list of priorities, and would do almost anything for them. Though not violent, she is very vengeful and if she finds out that you hurt one of her friends, she will run you down without hesitation.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cutie mark meaning:
Cutie Mark is a white lightning bolt with a hammer and wrench crossed over it. The lightning bolt symbolizes her eagerness to help, while the hammer and wrench symbolize her ability to cover a wide range of skills. Her full mark is a representation of the Jack of all Trades.

Talent expanded:
She loves to help others. She practices a wide variety of skills in order to help as many ponies as she possibly can. The downside is that she only has intermediate knowledge in each skill, well below professional status. As a result, she ends up assisting the professionals as extra muscle for their own particular line of work and takes on small to large projects in her free time. These projects can be rather simple, not requiring a professional grade knowledge in order to complete.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Likes:
Helping others, sweets (honey buns specifically), sleeping, small get-togethers, reading, manual labor

Hates:
Unnecessary work, cockiness, being hungry, slow business, impatient customers, parties/clubs, bad economy

Flaws:
Rarely goes out, lazy attitude, sick sense of humor, great at lying, holds a grudge, direct, constantly worried about income

Strengths:
Hard to bring down, easy to get along with, makes a point not to judge, will go out of her way to help her friends

Fears:
Losing Timid, deep water, heights, falling

Other:
Isn't very good at handling intimate matters, gets flustered easily when doing so

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bio:
Jackie was never a remarkable mare. She had a normal life, a normal family, and never really did anything huge. It took her quite a while to gain her cutie mark, halfway through her teen years. She was always one to offer her assistance when something needed to be done.

As a filly, whenever her parents called over repair ponies, Jackie would be right there, watching them work. She loved seeing all the different things they could do, especially catching the look on her parent's faces when whatever was broken worked again. Wanting to always see that particular look, Jackie decided she would learn how to repair as many different things as she could. She put a great deal of effort into whatever she did and always showed off to her parents and her friends what she fixed or built.

One day, her father was hit by a runaway carriage and broke his legs. As a result, he was confined to a wheelchair. Since he was a unicorn, nothing was too inconvenient, save for the stairs leading to their door. Unfortunately, they couldn't afford to build a ramp. Jackie, frustrated at herself for not realizing it sooner, went to the hardware store and bought her own supplies with the bits she had been saving up. She was only at it for an hour until she completed her project. The ramp didn't look like much, but it was sturdy and would get the job done.

The look on her parents' faces only fueled her helpful nature. She was too busy talking about how she could probably improve the ramp that she didn't even notice her cutie mark had appeared. At the sake of their daughter's slight embarrassment, which was played off like it was nothing, her mother pointed it out. She simply smiled, proud of herself for once, and continued talking about the ramp.


Russ Eaves
(http://i915.photobucket.com/albums/ac357/kittychan458/30arryr-resiiized_zpsd75e1555.jpg)


Spoiler: show

Race: Earth
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Build: Short, slim, athletic
Hometown: Fillydelphia
Occupation: Private detective
Cutie mark: Black pyramid containing a red eye
Talent: Espionage
Sexuality: Gay

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Appearance:
Although slightly shorter than the average stallion, he is quite fit and athletic, capable of jumping high enough to land himself in the branches of a tree. He exercises on a regular basis since his job, more often not, puts him in physical danger.

He sports a mid-length black mane which hangs off to the right side of his head. His tail is black as well, with no particular style. His coat is dark slate gray and his eyes are light blue. He also wears a red tie with a detached collar, as well as cuffs on his front hooves.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Personality:
He finds it very easy to be indifferent to other pony's situations, be it good or bad. It takes him quite a while to open up to anypony and it's rare that you'll find him willingly hanging around one for a long period of time.

Due to his nature, he prefers to stay away from whoever is approaching him, but will freeze up if he feels they are far too close, especially if it's a male. He mostly enjoys being by himself but, like anypony, will crave company from time to time. He can also be quite awkward and will become uncertain on how to act around others. If he does spend enough time around somepony, then he will subconsciously attach himself to them and might become a bit clingy.

He hates authority figures, but generally follows orders since he is somewhat weak-willed. As such, he's very easy to manipulate if you corner him, just as long as you don't Read the forum rules. him off. Those closer to him would have an even easier time doing so, for obvious reasons.

He has terrible work ethic. Even though he has no particular desire for money past basic needs, he pretty much only does his job for nothing else. While he does perform the random good deed, he doesn't think much about it and usually holds the attitude of a disgruntled mercenary who is tired of being one.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cutie mark meaning:
A pyramid containing a red eye, symbolizing espionage, or more plainly, eavesdropping.

Talent expanded:
He is very adept at sneaking around, using this to it's full potential as a private detective. Job includes espionage, reconnaissance, and the occasional fight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Likes:
Personal space, relaxing music, the occasional drink

Hates:
Sweet food, being the center of attention, high energy ponies

Flaws:
Can be violent, cold towards others

Strengths:
Calm under pressure, doesn't let small things bother him

Fears:
Others finding out about his sexuality, slight fear of the dark

Other:
Stalks stallions he finds attractive

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bio:
He grew up in Fillydelphia as a very outgoing colt. Leading a happy childhood, Eaves had a pretty good outlook on the world. His favorite game when he was little was hide-and-seek, which he never lost at.

As he got older, certain feelings arose and he found himself attracted to other stallions. His parents never really taught him anything about this, so he didn't question those feelings. One day, as he walking along, a few other colts from his school jumped him and began to tease and make fun of him, even shoving him around a bit. Read the forum rules.ed, he kicked one of them in the jaw, knocking him down and allowing him to escape. After some frantic struggling, he found his way into a short tree, allowing him to climb to the higher branches. The bullies surrounded the tree but being earth ponies as well, they were unable to reach him. They eventually give up and threaten Russ with future beatings.

In the following days, he was able to end the threats, thanks to the teachers, but that only worked while he was at school. The bullies wouldn't touch him, but they would tease and insult him wherever he went. He became more creative with sneaking away from these bullies, at certain times being able to disappear with nary a trace.

It wasn't long after this that his cutie mark appeared, though he wasn't happy about it in the slightest. Unfortunately, cutie marks don't always make a happy appearance. It's a shame when you're good at something that nopony should have to be good at.

Once he finally graduated and left that part of the city, he began to work for the local law enforcement, starting out of the evidence locker. While he never saw any direct action, he still had access to the training course located at the station and would train almost every day, hoping to get promoted.

The officers did not treat him well, but his attitude betrayed him and allowed him to be mistreated. At one point, he fell for an officer, which did not end well. When he revealed his feelings, he was called out in front of everypony and ridiculed. His attitude declined quickly, becoming distant with all but a few individuals.

After the incident, he immediately resigned and used his training as well as his natural skills to become something where he didn't have to fully rely on bullies and idiots to get by. A job as a private investigator sounded desirable.

It was surprisingly easy to start up his business, which he attributed to his rather... shady connections gained from working in the evidence locker. He has steady work that ranges from simple reconnaissance to confiscation and retrieval by individuals with interest in such items.

He maintains a small apartment out of Fillydelphia, but his work has taken him to many different places, like Los Pegasus, Canterlot and even once to the border of the Griffon Empire.


Elsa Cane
(http://0jackie0.weebly.com/uploads/2/6/2/7/26271924/9776225_orig.png)

Spoiler: show

Race: Cow
Age: 19
Gender: Female (born male)
Build: Slender, toned
Hometown: Dodge City
Occupation: Package delivery
Cutie mark: N/A
Talent: N/A
Sexuality: Has no preference. More attracted to personalities.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Appearance:
A bit shorter than a stallion, and somewhat slender for a cow. Coat is white with various large brown blotches, and one small blotch on her muzzle. She has a physique much more fitting of a dairy cow than a bull, with the exception of an udder. She wears a fake one, which is convincing enough except for the belt that keeps it attached to her body. She hides the strap under her saddle bags strap, but that doesn't help her when she's off the clock.

She has a short bob haircut, which is dirty blonde and brown tail hair. Two small horns adorn her head, which she keeps filed down. She wears a collar with a small cowbell and the bell is engraved with the female symbol. Has a delivery uniform, which is a simple blue visor and vest showing off her logo, as well as a messenger bag.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Personality:
She is bubbly, friendly, and eccentric. Life is a positive thing, not something that drags her down and reminds her everyday of the troubles associated with it. Despite her situation, it was due in part to her parents reaction to her situation that left her with a good outlook on life. She has a weird sense of humor which more often will come out at the wrong time.

She's been called a hopeless romantic and will usually have a romance novel on her at all times, even the trashy ones. She knows that there's somebody for everybody, even for ones like her and might be a bit adamant about the subject. She has a habit of swaying or dancing to whatever she's listening to, usually when she's by herself, which she finds to be embarrassing when someone catches her doing it.

Even though she is generally happy, every once in a while, she falls victim to small breakdowns, even moments of depression. The knowledge that she will most likely never be able to complete that last step always haunts her. Her father would comfort her as much as he could, but sometimes, it would be too much and she'd need to be alone for a bit to cry it out.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cutie mark meaning:
N/A

Talent expanded:
N/A

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Likes:[/b]
Her job, sewing, downtempo/new age music

Hates:[/b]
Clutter, being laughed at, her 'issue', hypocrites

Flaws:[/b]
Tends to shut others out, will go on a tantrum

Strengths:[/b]
Positive, driven

Fears:[/b]
Violent reactions to her secret

Other:[/b]
Hates makeup of any kind

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bio:
Elsa was born in Dodge City as a male calf. He has no memory of the place because his parents moved to the outskirts of Ponyville a few months after his birth. He had a loving upbringing, though money was tight. Even from the beginning, his parents could tell that their son was different. His actions were more feminine, as were his interests. He would tell them that he felt wrong, like his body wasn't made right. His father explained it to him and encouraged his uniqueness, while his mother ignored it. She didn't treat him like a daughter, but instead treated him like her kid. She was careful not to say the wrong thing and wasn't happy about it. From then on, he was known as Elsa and referred to as a 'she'.

She would make trips to Ponyville in place of her parents for groceries and such, an errands that they needed taken care of. She enjoyed socializing with the residents of the town, as they were very friendly. None of them seemed to notice anything strange about her, which pleased her immensely. It was a bit difficult with the other cows, since most of them were around since they moved there and knew about her situation. Here, these ponies had no idea who she was, so she could act the way she wanted without silent judgment around her.

It wasn't long until she was a regular face around town. Not only did she run errands for her parents, but her natural energy and endurance became known and was recruited for paid favors to run packages across town. She wasn't exactly athletic, but she enjoyed running around, so she decided to make money from it. It soon reached a point where she was able to open a delivery post in town. The current post office was only run by one pegasus and large packages were difficult for the pony to manage, so Elsa posted advertisements for her new delivery post, specifically dealing in packages only. Business eventually picked up, allowing her to act as appropriate competition.

She sends money to her parents every two weeks and visits them on a weekly basis. Her mother is slowly warming up to her 'daughter', making each visit much more pleasant. She isn't sure what she's looking for in a mate, but they definitely have to be understanding and open-minded.


Thrak
(http://0jackie0.weebly.com/uploads/2/6/2/7/26271924/9032891_orig.png)


Spoiler: show

Race: Cuteasaurus
Age: 32 (technically millions of years old)
Gender: Male
Build: Chubby, strong
Hometown: Mesa in Prehistoric Equestria
Occupation: N/A
Cutie mark: N/A
Talent: N/A
Sexuality: He's not sure what that is. Tends to find attraction in many things.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Appearance:
He's about five times the size of a pony. Tan skin, with brown stripes on his back and tail, with brown spikes on his neck and head.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Personality:
Sarcastic, mischievous and brash. Loves a cuddle and likes to use his height to an advantage when playing pranks. Prefers to munch on leaves all day, but will occasionally threaten to eat whoever is bothering him. His large size seems to help the threat hit home.

Acts a little like a dog, and is a sucker for food; it's easy to convince him of almost anything if you offer enough. Sweet hay, a particular delicacy for him, makes him drool. Likes to carry others on his back and, if you become close enough to him, he might ask you to scratch under his chin.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cutie mark meaning: N/A

Talent expanded: N/A

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Likes:
Sweet hay, food, carrying others

Hates:
Creatures with sharp teeth, rotten smells

Flaws:
Lacks intelligence of a higher form, tends to invade personal space

Strengths:
Well meaning, tries his best to do things right

Fears:
Not being able to go home

Other:
Likes to collect things that interest him. Sometimes that includes other living beings.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bio:
Lived a normal life during his own time, munching on leaves and evading predators. However, when an huge earthquake struck his land one day, his family scattered in confusion and he ran, hoping to escape. Instead, he fell down a large fissure only to see the ground coming up to meet him at an alarming rate. He closed his eyes tight, accepting his fate and only opened them when an unusual amount of air was rushing past. He was no longer falling towards the ground, but instead surrounding by strange fractals and oozing colors. Frightened, the only thing Thrak could do was watch the colors dance around him as he floated through some sort of strange tube.

A bright light blinded him and he found himself colliding with the ground, but not as hard as he expected. Cautiously, looking around, he no longer saw his family nor the other creatures he was used to. Instead, these furry little creatures, maybe a quarter of his size, were looking at him in fear and running to small little structures. Strange enough, he was able to understand some of their speech as they ran away. It took a while to find a creature, now he knew as a pony, that wouldn't run away from him.
It seems he time-traveled, a concept he didn't really understand. He was worried about his family, hoping they were okay after the earthquake. Asking around, it would seem that dinosaurs no longer existed, a concept he didn't fully grasp either.

After a while, he became used to living in this new world, trying to fit in as much as possible. He make extra sure that his large bulk does not damage any buildings around town, but otherwise enjoys his time around his new friends. He still tries to find out how to return to his own time, but he gets distracted often.


Sugar Drop
(http://0jackie0.weebly.com/uploads/2/6/2/7/26271924/7092053_orig.png)


Spoiler: show

Race:  Slime (honey)
Age:  Only a few months
Gender:  No gender
Build:  Amorphous
Hometown:  Cloudsdale laboratories
Occupation:  None
Cutie mark:  None
Talent: None
Sexuality: Asexual

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Appearance:
She's a golden puddle of honey that has the ability to take shape of most creatures, but only at her current size. Size depends on amount eaten and processed. She is mostly opaque and prefers the shape of a pudgy mare. She is constantly dripping honey from her body. A dark nucleus can be seen in the middle of her body if looked at hard enough.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Personality:
A little wary of others, can function on her own and live a normal life, but due to her limited knowledge of the world and basic everyday living, she attaches herself to others like a pet.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cutie mark meaning:
N/A

Talent expanded:
N/A

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Likes:
Sugary foods of all kinds, warm weather, cuddling

Hates:
Rain, snow, anything that tries to eat her

Flaws:
Knows next to nothing about the world. Requires a helping hand to learn anything.

Strengths:
Very durable, cautious of her surroundings.

Fears:
Not finding her 'parents'

Other:
Enjoys taking others' shape.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bio:
Creating a self-fueling organism.



Day 1: The experiment was a success so far! I have an organism that is clearly alive. I have engineered it with a large black core and some miniscule tendrils, which are already moving on their own, albeit sluggish. During the creation process, I attempted to 'program' it with a sense of adaptability. Our hopes are to create a being that could create its own food source by ingesting normally inedible materials and essentially transforming it into a nutritious food source, much like digestion.

Day 2: I was certainly glad to find the organism alive and... well? I can't really tell. But I did notice that it was using it's tendrils to slowly make its way around the containment center. Every time it ran into a wall, it would stop, feel around, then continue on it's way. It was exploring it's surroundings much faster than anticipated. Since even synthetic organisms need to eat, I left it some nutrition pellets in the corner of it containment area.

Day 3: Very strange results. The food pellets have been eaten, but the organism left behind a sticky residue that we could not identify. Maybe it's some sort of waste? I wiped down the containment area, as well as the organism itself. Some of the residue was difficult to clean, as if it was clinging to the organism's core. I'll try a different food in larger amounts tomorrow. Maybe I'll see some different results.

Day 4: Just as I thought. The organism ate all of it's meal, with much more residue present. What baffled me was it looked like the organism was using the residue to move itself around the containment area much faster than it's miniature tendrils. I'm no longer considering the residue waste, but more of a malleable exoskeleton created from it's food. I'm not sure if it actually needs food to survive, at least not how creatures normally need it. Still, it's further proof that adaptability has been successfully engineered into it's DNA.

Day 10: I've made sure to keep it's size in check, not letting it get any bigger than my hoof. It has become more used to it's exoskeleton, making it's movement and consumption rate much faster. I moved away from the nutrition pellets and tried out salty and sweet foods separately, to see which one it can process faster. So far it's favoring the sweet food more than salty. I might bring some syrup or something, to see if using a thick liquid speeds up the process.

Day 11: All I had was honey at my place, but it was a good choice. I squeezed a little onto the core after I wiped it clean and I swear, I have never seen the tendrils move faster. It was frantic in it's attempt to gather it all and instead of the usual clear residue, it seemed to have been replaced by the honey itself. Safe to say I've found its favorite food.

Day 22: I have attempted to have the organism process plastic and metal, with no luck. I had to try to satisfy the boss. Seems like it can only process foods that are edible, or at least capable of decomposition. It also ingested wood, but very slowly and it actually lost interest, searching around the containment area for another food source. I also note that it has memorized the genetic makeup of honey somehow, since any food I give it is turned into the amber liquid. Very interesting.

Day 25: I came to work today to find the organism using a larger tendril made of honey to reach items outside of it's containment area. It was able to get hold of my lunch, which I had foolishly left behind; a tasty little pasta dish that I was looking forward to finishing. There was enough in the dish to let the organism grow as large as a pony's head. It might come in handy later, but I'm keeping my distance when I'm not in a HAZMAT suit. I caught it reaching for me and I don't feel like being it's dinner.

Day 34: Major progress. I found the new intern, a young unicorn mare, speaking to the organism. She claims that it had actually responded visually, as if it recognized speech, but not necessarily understanding it. The most bizarre thing was that the organism actually copied the mare's face and shifted her molecules to look like her. So it can shape shift at a basic level. I tried showing it a few pictures of animals and watched as it formed a very shaky mouse. How does it see with no eyes? Anatomy is next on the list. Wouldn't it be amazing if it could speak?

Day 57: I've been busy. I've had the intern transferred to my project, with her consent of course. It seems that the organism enjoys her presence, as well as mine. The intern referred to the organism as 'Sugar Drop'. She thought it was fitting as she held a nervous smile. The organism Sugar Drop seems to enjoy its her new name, so we'll keep it as such. Not sure if she's displaying real emotions or simply copying them. STILL not sure how Sugar can see, even though she has formed a strange likeness of eyes on her face.

Day 59: She spoke! Sugar's first word that she uttered was 'food'. Not terribly surprised, but thanks to the anatomy lessons, Sugar modified parts of her body to mimic a voice box. Interesting that she can solidify parts of her exoskeleton. I had her form wings and a horn, separately at first, then together to see how long it would last. Maybe it's part of a defensive measure? Also, her emotions are far too precise to be fake. We've gone through happiness and sadness so far, with great success. She's progressing so much faster than I anticipated.

Day 62: Sugar is very... cuddly, apparently. Last night, the intern was attempting to teach her new words when the creature launched herself at the mare. The intern freaked out at first, but later reported that she didn't feel any burning sesnation, but instead saw Sugar smile and she hugged her. The creature even 'licked' her cheek with a tongue made of honey. I tried for myself, sticking my hoof in front of Sugar. She looked at my hoof for a second, then enveloped it, but no burning sensation accompanied the contact. Truly astonishing.

Day 63: Sugar has expressed an interest in flying. She watches the local pegasi academy train from the window with the eagerness of a child, but I don't have the heart to tell her she can't do what they do. I have to coax her away from the window whenever we have more tests, but she never stays sad for long. Today, we'll try teaching her 'fear'. She needs to learn that one more than any other.

Day 64: I was pulled out of my lab yesterday before I could teach Sugar much of 'fear'. Apparently, my boss thinks that the intern and I have gotten far too attached to the 'experiment'. The mare was transferred to another project and I was ordered to... terminate the experiment. It seems that more research is no longer needed. Sugar keeps asking for her 'mommy', just like a foal would. I did forget to mention that, didn't I? Sugar referred to us as 'mommy and daddy'. A cute but depressing moment. I wanted to argue, but my continued employment was threatened. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll...

Day 65: I left the window open last night before I left. When I came in this morning, Sugar was gone. No doubt that her curiosity and love of flying led her out the window. My boss called me 'cold-hearted', with a smile no less, but little does that bastard know that Sugar's core is Read the forum rules. near indestructible. Even a fall from Cloudsdale wouldn't put a dent in her. By the time he reads this, that poor creature will have landed safely and my resignation will have been processed. Good luck, Sugar.
Title: Re: Jackie and the gang (No more foreign links)
Post by: Gracie Sky on 2013 Jul 30, 00:51:34
You've got quite a collection of characters there. I must admit the entire thing is overwhelming to look at, since it covers four extensively covered characters. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of readers just looked at your pictures and that's it.

I did manage to read everything and I will give you some of my thoughts. I will not be addressing any individual character unless specifically asked.

First off, the format is centered and looking at it, I don't think it's the right approach. Probably best off sticking to the standard of aligning the text to the left hand side.

Your characters in general are very well thought out, having plenty of appeal without being over bearing. However, I feel your thoughts may be a bit scattered and a few of the things you describe in your characters I think is unneeded information. For example, the surgery done on Jackie Trade: I think I would be better off not knowing that about her. I also am aware you are trying to make your OCs stand out, but there's an issue I have when authors bring up sexual preference. It's a very dangerous subject to bring up, considering this is a children's show. I'm not going to tell you not to put it in, but I advise against it... or at least reduce it to a subtle implication.

I also find their names a bit convenient. When I use the term convenient to describe a pony's name, it means their cutie mark/special talent is most likely too similar to their name. I mean, I can take a look at Saffron Seasons and tell you she most likely is a spice expert just based on her name alone. Of course, in her case, she was raised by a chef, so it's slightly justified, but remember that children are named before they know what they are good at.

I'll stop there and wait for any questions you have. But so far, you have some nice OCs here.
Title: Re: Jackie and the gang (No more foreign links)
Post by: 0jackie0 on 2013 Jul 31, 00:32:15
I fixed the center alignment. : P Also added spoilers to make it less overwhelming. Hopefully it works like I think it will.

I always felt the inclusion on her surgery may have been a bit much, but I left it in for reasons I'll be stating in the next paragraph. Since it has a block of it's own, it can be easily removed without impacting the profile.

As for Russ' sexual preference, while I understand it is a bit much, considering the subject matter it came from, it is a big part of his character. As a reference point, all of my characters' personalities have essentially been a snapshot of me at a certain time in my life. Jackie is me as I am now, Russ is me back in high school. I won't go into the others, but the characters were very personal to me. I had my own surgeries that dealt with a growth in my ear, and I was much like Russ, closed off and a bit of a jerk. Not so much the guy-stalking, though. He's my most adult character anyway.
I don't want to seem difficult, but while I do see the merit of leaving out the surgery, the explanation about Russ will be staying. It's too big a part of who he is.

The names being convenient was evident to me, but I was having too much fun with them to change them. They're already too cemented in their situations to change them, anyways. Jackie and Russ have been around for over a year and they have fanfics that I'm writing about them. It's a bit too late to change their names.

Was there anything else you wanted to address? I'm open to hearing anything. And thank you for your time, you're one of the few who have taken the time to review them. <3
Title: Re: Jackie and the gang
Post by: 0jackie0 on 2014 Nov 11, 17:39:19
Bump! Characters have been updated!