My first OC

[Mystik1004]

Name: Mystik
Age: 22
Race: Unicorn
Gender: Mare
Profession: Thief

Her story:

Mystik was raised in a little village behind the everfree forest in the desert, still behind the San Palomino Desert. She was a happy filly and her parents
were very kind Ponies. They taught her how important and precious friends are. But one day her happy life ended.
Furocious sandcreatures appeared in the desert and attacked the peaceful village. When they attacked Mystiks house,
parents wanted to protect her but they couldn't protect their child alone and none of their friends came to help them.
At this point Mystik lost her parents and she was 10 years old. She survived the attack cause they parents protected
her with their life.

The village was completly destroyed and the friends of her parents didn't cared for Mystik. Cause of that she lost
the trust in other ponies.
No one wanted to be responsible for her and she lived on the street, to survive she had to steal.
But thieves aren't welcome in any village and when she was caught she had to run or got beaten up. However she
became a skilled thief and believed stronly that someday the sandcreatures would return. So she stole a dagger
and trained with it everyday, waiting for revenge for her parents death. Then 10 years after the first attack the
sandcreatures returned. Finally she could take her revenge, but the creatures were unbelievable strong. But she
managed it to slay one of them. That was enough for her revenge and she left the village, leaving it to it's dreadful
fate.

[Grizzly]

So first of all i want to say that i like her colour scheme. As for her back story i don't know, as a story by its self it is pretty good but it feels a bit out of place for MLP. As a first attempt for an OC it's not bad, but i have a few questions:

None of her parents friends wanted to care for her? Not even one? That seems mean. What exactly are those sand creatures? Why did they attack? And wouldn't such an attack attract the attention of the Royal Guard?

[Mystik1004]

i know, it´s a sad story ^.-
for the sandcreatures i must think how they look...
noone knows why they attack, the village's oldest still puzzling
and the village is too far away, they have not noticed the attack, therefore the royal guard has done nothing
(it is a very, very distant village)

[Grizzly]

Well, if it's still part of Equestria and is really that distant i think they would have an outpost there or somewhere near. The guard is Equestria's only armed force from what i've see after all, so protecting the borders should be one of their concerns.

[Mystik1004]

ok sry to put that right...
the village is still behind the san palomino desert
so, you see, it´s not belong to equestria

[Grizzly]

Oh, now it makes sence