My oc bored. (Updated! Ideas wanted on my oc and villains)

Started by byndbored, 2012 May 21, 14:08:51

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byndbored

Name:Beyond bored
Race:Pegasus
Gender:male
Age:19
Coat color:Blue
Eye color Cyan
Mane:Cyan
Clothes:Watch on front right hoof, long navy blue jacket that's green on the inside somehow it's also light armor.
Cutie mark: A shield with a question mark on it and two lightning bolts crisscrossing behind it like a coat of arms.
Personality: he's my ponysona so I'll tell you my personality  I'm a walking question mark because my personality contradicts itself (I want to act calm and logical but i also want to act silly and different from others, I also have some trust issues with even myself, plus I like being meta about myself and I talk to myself in my head in order to organize my thoughts)(I also fight with myself a lot when I'm thinking) i don't know how else to describe it (I'm bad at this) (I'm weird lol).
Likes: being silly when bored in his own way, music without lyrics, ice cream sandwiches, spicy food, and relaxing.
Hates: being biased, how his brain works, mind control, unwanted transformations, being thrown around, unjustified anger (even his own), and the fact that he doesn't like mushrooms as much as he wants.
Worst fear: becoming evil
Back story: (inspired by my dreams I had as i child) (All he knows about himself is his name and and why he acts the way he does, he oddly doesn't care about it though because he believes others have worse lives than him.)
While staying at a fairly big town one day he notices a strange group of ponies calling themselves Shadow Thunder (i guess? If you have a better name let me know)
asking other ponies in the town if they want to join them later that day come to him and asks if he wants if to join them and that they can solve all his problems but he unable to trust them says no, That night he goes to where Shadow Thunder has group meetings and listens to what they are talking about and overhears that they couldn't find him in the inn then he's quickly discovered and they try to brainwash him but for some reason they can't causing the spell to backfire knocking them all out Beyond bored runs off taking one of their books for a quick read to find out about them and discovers that everypony in shadow thunder has been corrupted by this strange dark energy that gave those corrupted by it the power over something called shadow lightning reading further finds out that if they fail to fully brainwash someone then that pony will be harder to brain wash the next time but if they succeed next time then they become twice as powerful as they would if they got it right the first time however everyone who they failed to brainwash will be able to know not only if any are nearby but where they are exactly no madder what, as well as being able to resist their spells a bit as well. Beyond bored was about to read more when the ponies of the group called shadow thunder Started waking up and started looking for him so out of desperation he drops the book and goes to the sky and hides on a thunder cloud using another clouds to cover him thus allowing him to escape.
Spoiler: show
Ponycode: P8D///9+ViH9f8D/AWAAjABwAAJKr897Muz/SzEZjTDH7grMQA

Spoiler: show
Fun fact: Beyond bored rarely flies in anyway that would be considered normal for any pegasus (think the matrix meets the indie game "Journey") for reasons unknown.

Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

Rad Thunder

Sounds neat. I'd like a pic maybe too. :P
Try making your pony in this: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=pony+creator#/d47efz4

byndbored

Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

Rad Thunder

Sweet! I have that very same watch! B)

Link

Thanks for putting up a link for that pony creator! I wondered for the longest time where that was!  ^-^
[CENTER][/CENTER]

Gracie Sky

It's an okay start if you are new at making new characters. Just a few things to be cautious about. First, he doesn't know his past, save for destroying a so-called villain. You need to be especially careful with what you have planned for him, if you decide to develop his past. It needs to be believable, and nopony is going believe a pony who has the power to destroy a lair but suffers from a mysterious amnesia and reduces himself to wandering aimlessly until his powers are provoked again. He also has a lot of clothes for a pony.

I'm really intrigued by his name though. Very interesting indeed. One of the more original names I've seen.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

byndbored

Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

Gracie Sky

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.... still needs improvement. Or at least I should bring up some contradictions and you can address them at your leisure. These are the questions other ponies will be asking themselves when they read it, so it's important for you to have an answer to them. Whether or whether not you choose to reveal such reasons right now is up to you, of course.

1) I'll ignore why he's in a maze in the first place. I'm sure you have a good reason as to why he is in a villain's maze.

2) Would every pony really raid the armory to destroy the lair if they saw a fight between a villain and Canterlot forces. If it were me, I would hide somewhere and hope the villain didn't find me. Of course, that's just a matter of preference.

3) Why didn't he look for help, or why didn't the Canterlot army notice him?
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

byndbored

Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

Gracie Sky

I suppose that's as good as it's going to get. Don't forget to spell check it, though.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

byndbored

Thanks! :D

Edit: If anypony has any Cutie mark ideas for my OC let me know.  :)

Edit: I added a bit more to the character's story which I'm not done with yet so if you think you can help me with it let me know.
Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

Tiger

"I'm a walking question mark"

So your cutie mark should be a question mark ovO

A link to my tumblr above!
Tiger's OC page. Should re-do it...

byndbored

Updated: I have a new chapter of back story for my oc that I'm working on, I have an idea for my oc's cutie mark, and I need help coming up with ideas for a villian group I'm working on.
Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

super_chris85

reading this makes me want to do an O.C. based on myself

byndbored

Umm thanks? :s

Edit: OC updated.
Edit: Story redone.
Edit: OC updated again.
Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0


Renatan

If I were you, I would fix that looooooong run on sentence you have in his bio. It is really weird looking, and could have easily been broken up. I actually noticed the lack of punctuation when reading it and skimmed over a large body of text to find the next period.

And one more thing, although it may not be your fault since some people are simply not that great at writing: his bio is very confusing. I didn't understand it. Maybe it's the weird crosses, maybe it's the lack of punctuation, I don't know. All I know is that I struggled to understand and in the end still didn't get it and gave up. Another possible reason is because it's all crammed in. You rushed it so much that I felt more like it was a mere cut up over-view and not the whole thing. Now, don't take this the wrong way; I'm in no way saying your OC is bad, I'm just saying it could be better with a bit of work. So don't think I'm insulting you, since I actually do like him, I'm just giving you some critic so you can find areas to improve  ^-^
Beware the writer. She will feed off everything you say and store it into her memory, so don't be surprised if a few years from now you open up a book and see something you said years ago there. I'm always watching ovO

byndbored

Quote from: Renatan on 2013 Oct 26, 10:42:12
If I were you, I would fix that looooooong run on sentence you have in his bio. It is really weird looking, and could have easily been broken up. I actually noticed the lack of punctuation when reading it and skimmed over a large body of text to find the next period.

And one more thing, although it may not be your fault since some people are simply not that great at writing: his bio is very confusing. I didn't understand it. Maybe it's the weird crosses, maybe it's the lack of punctuation, I don't know. All I know is that I struggled to understand and in the end still didn't get it and gave up. Another possible reason is because it's all crammed in. You rushed it so much that I felt more like it was a mere cut up over-view and not the whole thing. Now, don't take this the wrong way; I'm in no way saying your OC is bad, I'm just saying it could be better with a bit of work. So don't think I'm insulting you, since I actually do like him, I'm just giving you some critic so you can find areas to improve  ^-^
To be honest writing/typing was never a strength of mine; its hard for me to get ideas out of my head... oh well. :P
Said no to being given a Lucario Pokemon X.
My oc board is in my Signature
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=2268.0

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