Swift Task

[Alexander321]

Name: Swift Task
Type: Curly-Horned Unicorn (Technically Alicorn, but he's cursed into the state of a Unicorn and no one knows of his Alicorn origins {Not even himself} except for his only brother {Who cannot be found})
Coat: Yellow
Mane & Tail: Black
Eyes: Indigo
Personality: For the most part, he seems emotionless, with the oftentimes of him simply giving everyone his look of emotionlessness.  He can still feel them, although at minimal levels, unless something very emotional happens.

Possessions: 1 tuxedo.  That's it.

Abilities: Can cast magic, duh.  However, unlike Comedy Gold, he can cast many spells at one time. up to twenty, and still have normal stamina.  He's practically a saint (Kindness-wise, not religious-wise) in almost every way, from being the most patient pony out there to being, perhaps, the most charitable (If he weren't restricted by his Comedy Gold's demands).  He lives up to his cutie mark; he was born to serve, and does his orders through and through.

Traits: Respectful, Charitable, Kind, Understanding, Smart, Humble
Favorite Place: Won't say
Favorite Color: Doesn't know
Favorite Meal: Whatever he is given for food
Affiliation: Comedy Gold's Cool Army Of Army Stuff That Isn't So Army-Ish (CAOASTISAI)
Cutie Mark: Serving Platter
Talent: Fulfilling the wishes and needs of others
Occupation: Lifetime Servant of Comedy Gold, Soldier (CAOASTISAI)

Bio: The following is only as it is said by Swift Task.

Once upon a time, there lived a normal couple with a normal living style in a normal town that was not Ponyville.  One day, the two were soooo happy that they {created through science} a normal colt together, and named it Swift Task for reasons unknown.  From this, they had set for themselves a paradise of a lifetime, having each other, a glorious colt, and a grand lifestyle.  Everything was perfect.

Then one day that arrived a few days after that one day, Diamond Dogs.

And that was not only how the mother was forced upon the title of a betrayer of her husband, as she was voilently {loved}, but also how they ended up with a lot of physical hurt, lost goods, and the disappearance of their only child, Swift Task.

Upon having performed the scandal, the Dogs took their prized loot with them to their caves to enjoy for the rest of their lives.  The ate most of the food, wore down the furniture, and worked Swift Task, day in, day out, to the brink of {lack of any happiness}, which got him his cutie mark.  Just then...

A peculiarly handsome brown-furred, brown-haired Colt arrived with a stupid dragon costume upon him.  Upon the sight of such a horror, the Diamond Dogs took flight (fled) and escaped miles from the spot.  Being praised with the blessing of a hero to rescue him from times of pure horror, Swift Task solemnly swears his life to Comedy Gold, and trots out of the horror of the place with his new-found master.

To this day, he sort of regrets having made that vow.  Of course, he has his good days with him, what with a break every now and then, and grand rewards for such terrific jobs.

Appearance(s):

Spoiler: show

[Asterian Starfall]

You seem to like making Alicorn OCs, but don't we all?

Your English needs some work, though.
"Then one day that arrived a few days after that one day, Diamond Dogs."
You also repeat the word "time" to the point of where it feels like I'm in a Doctor Who episode.

Going straight away, this character sounds overpowered to me. In the abilities description, you say he can cast up to twenty spells at a time without loss of stamina. I should point out that Unicorn magic is fueled by will and focus, not strength and stamina. Also, if you're saying "twenty spells" as in "twenty completely different spells", then I must say that's impossible. I haven't seen a single instance in which a pony in the show or otherwise has performed just two spells simultaneously, let alone twenty, completely different ones.

Also, how is he royalty or an Alicorn? I see you'd rather leave that a mystery, but like your other OC, there needs to be a reason. They don't just make anypony an Alicorn.

Having said all that, I think this character is more approachable than your other one, but you need to blot some things out. Try just making him a Unicorn and perhaps providing a little more clarity to his story.

[Alexander321]

You seem to like making Alicorn OCs, but don't we all?

Your English needs some work, though.
"Then one day that arrived a few days after that one day, Diamond Dogs."
You also repeat the word "time" to the point of where it feels like I'm in a Doctor Who episode.

Going straight away, this character sounds overpowered to me. In the abilities description, you say he can cast up to twenty spells at a time without loss of stamina. I should point out that Unicorn magic is fueled by will and focus, not strength and stamina. Also, if you're saying "twenty spells" as in "twenty completely different spells", then I must say that's impossible. I haven't seen a single instance in which a pony in the show or otherwise has performed just two spells simultaneously, let alone twenty, completely different ones.

Also, how is he royalty or an Alicorn? I see you'd rather leave that a mystery, but like your other OC, there needs to be a reason. They don't just make anypony an Alicorn.

Having said all that, I think this character is more approachable than your other one, but you need to blot some things out. Try just making him a Unicorn and perhaps providing a little more clarity to his story.

With all due respect, I must say"To each person his own opinion".

[Asterian Starfall]

"To each person his own opinion".

That's all a critique is.