StarGazer, my OC :3

Started by 30kingswood, 2012 Dec 09, 20:01:02

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30kingswood

2012 Dec 09, 20:01:02 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 10, 17:55:03 by 30kingswood
Alright, so you might be wondering what I mean by "official".  Well, but official, I mean I have more than one pony-sona, and so this one is just the most...  Relatable.   X3  Anyways, here she is:

Her name is just "Comet" for now--  although I was thinking of giving her a more unique one.  Here are some ideas:

StarGrazer

SpeedRocker

ShootingStar

StarFall

SkyShine

SkyWave

SkyGlaze

StarGlaze

Alright, thats it for names.  (Phew!   lol)  Anyways, now for the details...   ovO

I don't know much about 'Comet' for now, but I do know she isn't just some pony~   ;)  :/  I meant, at first, for Comet to be named "IvyLeague," and be the acclaimed smartest flyer in Clouds-Dale.  ( lol   :I)  But then I thought about it, and decided I would leave her if I wanted a Unicorn OC.  (So no takey takey!   >:O   :D)  Anyways, though, I re-vamped her character a bit and came up with this;
What is she was actually popular?

:l   >.<   O:   o.O   DD:   :s    >:/    :I
Yeah, I know, never been done.  But anyways, the first thing I was sure of was her status.  All the stallions (and mares   :]   >A<   ovO)  were going to either love or envy her.  Maybe I am full of myself for wanting this status, but since I have never ever had that in real life (and, sadly, probably never will  D:), I thought:

"Well, if equestria is like the place of your dreams, in my dreams I would be outgoing and popular among all."  But I would never be a douche, even if I am VERY shy...   >.<

So, since I am pretty unsure of her past (for now  :D), what do you guys think of my OC so far?   ^-^


EDIT:  Don't take any of this previous wanna-be crap seriously.  I want a lovable character, so that is what I shall create!  Here goes, past and all:

Name:  StarGazer  (often says she sees stars in her minds eye, being blind and all.   :s)

Gender: mare

Age: 16

Type: pegasus

Personality:  StarGazer is a blind pegasus pony.  Even with her severe handicap, she tries her best at most activities, and doesn't mean harm to any-pony.  She can be a jealous worry-wart at times, thinking she is undesirable-- or not good enough at something.  Even though she is a shy pony, she tries to make friends with who she feels is 'right' for her, and has a hard time trusting (or relying on) anyone else.  Star is very defensive if poked fun of, and manages to get into many fights.  Even if she was not in the wrong, out of guilt she is usually the one to apologize.  If one manages to get close to StarGazer, she might open up and show her true colors.  Her favorite season is the winter, on account of her fear of water and bugs, (she cannot swim, and bugs feel freaking icky.   :I) although she also enjoys the snow itself.

Cutie Mark/Special Talent:  StarGazer's cutie-mark is a shooting star or comet, on account of the fact that her signature flying technique is a skydive-esque move.  She has spent much time in flight school perfecting this technique, keeping to herself in fear of ridicule.  She also focuses much better when alone.

Appearance:  StarGazer is a blue and white pegasus mare, having a streak of white in her mane and tail.  She often keeps her eyes closed, refusing to wear sun-glasses, but when she does open them they are a mellow red-ish color.

Home: Cloudsdale, hailing from Canterlot-- where she was raised.

History:  StarGazer grew up in Canterlot.  She used to belong to a pegasus family, but ran away after a few years due to physical abuse.  (possible cause for her blindness, but she cannot remember much before then.)  She was found on the streets by a unicorn couple, who she later looked up to.  StarGazer was taught a few basic magic spells, even though they were useless to her.  She loved to be read books aloud, and was always more of a listener then a talker.  Months after she was taken in, she was sent to mandatory flight-school, in Cloudsdale.  Often she was made fun of for her disability, so she kept to herself, eventually perfecting her 'comet' technique.  That is when she earned her cutie mark, and that is where her story ends for now.  Sorry for such little detail so far, but I just want to get this down.

Extra: picture time :D    StarGazer has often been spoken of as having an obsession with the sky and stars and such, being the most beautiful thing she remembers before going blind.  EDIT AGAIN:  I'll update the [picture of her soon, but that IS how she looks.  xD

"Haha, yes, I forgot to add.  xD  She is a little clumsy while flying, and sometimes does crash into things.  I was thinking about giving her some bat-like senses are something stupid like that, but maybe not.  She is definitely not graceful, thats for sure... "  a quite from myself cut from a comment I made in reply to Gracie.  Yes, she can fly.  It is sort of preposterous, but she isn't going to be perfect or anything either. 

Midnight Breeze

Smiley spam much?

Having everypony 'love or envy her' is an instant Mary-Sue card. Period.

Now, I'm not bashing 'Ponysonas' at all. I'll be the first to admit that Midnight is heavily based on me, but the worst type of self-insert is one that ignores your flaws; portraying them as perfect. A self-insert character is not inherently negative, but if you do it you have to insert your flaws as well as your strengths.

On the note of the name: Most ponies have Two-word names that say something about them. Be that their personality, their special talent, or even just the color scheme. On that note, you didn't say much of anything about her special talent, or backstory. Writing is most important in an OC.

30kingswood

2012 Dec 09, 20:51:29 #2 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 09, 22:28:57 by 30kingswood
Haha, sorry about that smiley spam Midnight.  x'D  I thought I'd have fun with my first thread.  ;)  anyways, as I said, its a total WIP, so I don't really know what her weakness are yet.  I'll probably add the fact she is very shy, and SUPER competitive~also the fact she is afraid of the ocean.  :P  possible backstory on that one, too.  Yeah not super sure where I am going with her, but thats why I want YOUR opinions!  I'm a bad idea man, okay?  (or, um..  girl.   X3)  Just adding random elements of my own life to form a story of her own for Comet, a little twist yah' know?  OH!  And about the name-- not all ponies names have something to do with their talent.  But I'll add why I call her Comet later~   ^-^

EDIT:  also, she isn't a mary-sue.  I asked my big sis, who is an outstanding author, if a character who is popular/envied has to be a mary sue~  she agreed NO.  :P  xD  So, not to bash your theory or anything, but don't be so quick to judge!

Morning Glory

2012 Dec 10, 12:33:23 #3 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 10, 12:41:07 by Morning Glory
One person's verdict does not determine the Sue-ish nature of an OC. Also, since no one here knows your sister, she's not a good witness to call. There's no credibility on the internet. This by the very definition is a Mary Sue.

I think some of the new folk have trouble understanding the difference between a ponysona and an OC. A ponysona is a pony representation of yourself. An avatar. An imagined image and identity for yourself if you were a pony. It can be anything, because all it's meant to do is represent you, however you would like to do so. Have an alicorn with super-cosmic powers if that's what you'd like to pretend for yourself.

An OC, or Original Character, is just that. A character that you create that fits into the world of whatever universe you're following, in this case, ponies. An original character should be more than just a hand-puppet you talk though, or an image you present. It should be a whole person, with a personality, traits, attributes, likes, dislikes and habits. An OC is what you use to Roleplay. And because of that, it needs to be fair, balanced, and well developed. And that is because Rp is a collaborative effort. More than one person is playing pretend, so the rules change, so everypony can play fair.

If this character is a ponysona you don't plan to use for Rp, then she's fine. But a Rp character that has everyone thinking they're popular and amazing is just boring. Predictable. Any interaction would end the same way. Besides, it's incredibly uncreative.

Embrace who you are. Don't try to be something you aren't. Because the type of person you're imagining almost never actually exists. And I can almost guarantee nopony will want to play with you if you use a character like this. Be honest. Would you want to play with this character? Having to fawn over them and love them just because their description says so. Being honest and genuine will make other players love your character for real, not because you told them to. If you're shy and quite and unpopular, wear it with pride. It's who you are, and you don't need to be dreaming of being someone else.

If you're going to make a character, don't make them a pale shadow of yourself, artificially improved with whatever extras you tack on. Either make them all you, or make them someone completely new. Someone believable with real flaws and vices along with their strengths and skills. Use your creativity to imagine something whole and different, not some lack-luster dream you have for yourself. You'll find a lot more success that way, and a lot more friends here too.

ShadowHeart


Join the changeling herd, or she'll devour your love!

30kingswood

2012 Dec 10, 14:36:16 #5 Last Edit: 2012 Dec 10, 14:38:57 by 30kingswood
I would agree with you there Morning Glory, but in all of my life I have never been to a place, internet or otherwise, where someone is accepted and/or popular just because they are well-mannered and shy.  That never got me anywhere, so I am not expecting it to here either.  I have never liked this fandom, but I don't fully understand it, either.  No one would ever give me OR any of my OC's a chance anyways, so that is my argument here.   :P  I have always only wanted to fit in, and if that is what I want, that is what it shall be~You all have no right to hate on my character solely because I would like to claim she isn't hated by any means.  Just saying.   X3


EDIT:  Honestly, I did in fact take the test.  It was pretty darn long so it took maybe an our or so, but I got a 72.  I then read the description of what a merry sue IS, and none of it applied to my character~  I did change her quite a bit while taking the test, but I'll share that with you guys later.  I finally know how she is going to be, and a merry sure she is not.  ^_^  don't worry!

Night Pony

Just wanted to say... negative feedback =/= hating.  X3

I want to thank all of the artist that have drawn my OCs.
Night Shine and Moon Violet

Morning Glory

Trying to force your way into fitting in won't work any better. But you can do whatever you like. But know that other people will think that this character is a Mary Sue no matter how much you say she isn't and they won't want to play with you. It's a simple as that.

If you relax, be yourself, and stop worrying about how much people like you or not, I think there's lots of ponies here that would like to be your friend. We're pretty friendly here. But you have to take the initiative. We wont just walk up to you and start talking.  You have start a conversation. Or join one- there's lots of silly things to talk about in the Off Topic section of the forum. Try there. ^-^

Gracie Sky

Um... how does she fly when she is blind? Does she run into trees or buildings on occasion?

:c I also wish we would stop throwing the word Mary Sue around as though it were some sort of writing taboo. It's smart for an author to be aware of the traits common in a Mary Sue, but not traits they are required to avoid in order to remain "original", which is obviously subjective. It's important for an author to find their own sense of originality, not somepony else's interpretation of original. Not to say we shouldn't help them with the wisdom of our experiences, but we shouldn't sound... preachy while doing it.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

30kingswood

Haha, yes, I forgot to add.  xD  She is a little clumsy while flying, and sometimes does crash into things.  I was thinking about giving her some bat-like senses are something stupid like that, but maybe not.  She is definitely not graceful, thats for sure...  Anyways, though, thanks for putting that out there Gracie.  Mary-Sue IS a very opinionated term. 

Morning Glory

I would agree for the most part Gracie. I think the biggest problem I see with Sues is in Rp. Because the Sue by definition says that they are the most beautiful and enviable, they kind of have a passive version of power-play going on. In their description it says that every other character who meets the Sue loves and admires them. Whether the players behind those characters want to or not. That's my problem with it.


As for the other "features" of a classic Sue, I agree. A character can have some of the characteristics of a Sue without necessarily being one. If you want to play the "Goody-two Shoes" character, that's great, and you aren't necessarily creating a Sue. We should encourage a variety of different character types. Even the "popular" and "beautiful" archetypes are fine, so long as they don't take away control from other players.

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