AAA13's Oc's

Started by AAA13, 2012 Aug 22, 23:57:04

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AAA13

2012 Aug 22, 23:57:04 Last Edit: 2012 Sep 04, 15:33:07 by AAA13
This one needs a name.


Name:
Age:
Cutiemark:

Story:
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forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=5700.0
Thanks to Bravo539 for the avatar!

Bluebell

Did they sing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y1s6Jbhrzc]The Orphanage Song[/URL] together?  ;)
Cool OC's!

Firefly

These are brilliant OCs with brilliant bases to build their whole character and life story on  ^-^

there are a few things that you need to make precise and be aware of though:

1) When you mention that Darkstorm can control stormclouds, do you mean that he can just round them up really quickly or do you mean that he has some supernatural power that allows them to move at his command? (also I think you meant to say that he can control stormclouds only when he is angry, if not it will make this character, who is capable of moving dark rainclouds around on a daily basis, seem a little difficult to believe in)

2) I would really like to know how the twins get along; Aqualily seems like a perfectly fine filly who is just good at swimming, whereas Darkstorm, I am assuming, already holds some kind of power in his hooves that should supposedly make him 'more superior' than his sister. This significant difference between the capability of each twin will be a rather hard one to explain (if it is really what it seems to be)

3) Also, how were they found by their parents (I don't exactly know what idea do you have in mind now but I think that the story of a parent finding their child in an orphanage will be a rather hard one to conjure), especially when the orphanage is for 'abandoned' and 'parentless' (as in when the parents are really not there anymore) kids. As they are in an orphanage, I don't think the term 'real parents' is much needed; 'parents' will do ;) that will avoid confusions

4) After they were found by their parents, it is said that the adults died in a fire but the kids survived. I don't know what you mean for to happen after the fire, but from what you have now, the whole story seems a little excessive. If the parents have found their kids but were then killed by a fire, shouldn't the kids have to be brought back to the orphange? If so, what difference does the ending make from the beginning? If not, their parents are still gone, which makes the end scenario seem pretty much similar as compared to the first. You might as well make the orphanage burn down  ovO that'll give them a better reason to 'wander around equestria', instead of just 'heading back to the orphanage'

there are just my suggestions, I don't know if you meant to make these ponies into proper OCs, but I just feel that they will be interesting characters if they are developed even further  ^-^
[move=6][/move]Thanks Skardan (signature) and Fudgemuffin (avatar) :D
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