It's a good story for a beginner. You have the essentials for a good plot to develop.
There are a few technical problems with it. You have a tendency not to capitalize "I" when used by itself. Fluttershy's dialouge color is really hard to see on this white background. I don't normally recommend using colored fonts when doing dialouge, but it is very helpful with a setup like you have, where characters are speaking without any narration in between. Lastly... um... well, you advance the plot disturbingly quickly.
However, don't bother yourself with the details I brought up just yet. It's more important that you finish telling your story before you start worrying about what needs to improve. So keep going.