My OCs - constructive critisizm welcome! :)

Started by StormDancer01, 2014 Aug 23, 22:05:19

previous topic - next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Go Down

StormDancer01

2014 Aug 23, 22:05:19 Last Edit: 2014 Aug 24, 12:21:44 by StormDancer01
Name: Storm Dancer
Age: 15
Gender: F
Race: Pegasus
Personality: Fearless (which sometimes makes her do stupid things), impulsive, stubborn, diligent.
Cutie Mark Description: A curved sword (Sword Two on the LoE Pony Maker)
Special Talent: She's not entirely sure what it is, but she's pretty sure it has to do with adventure.
Hobbies: walking in the forest, talking to dogs, Most things athletic, and basically getting in trouble.
Current Job: She doesn't have one.
Backstory: She was literally raised by wolves. Her wolf mother, Thunderheart, found her abandoned in the forest and took her back to the wolf pack to raise her. Thunderheart named the foal Stormdancer, and taught her how to live with the wolves.

Stormdancer earned her cutie mark when two of the wolf pups disappeared. She and her mother were sent to bring them back to the rest of the pack. They were shocked to find the pups cornered by a huge, menacing eagle. Before Thunderheart decided what do to about it, Stormdancer had leapt on the eagle, attacking it ferociously. She drove it away from the pups, even chasing it into the air a ways, taking wing for the first time.

Once she grew old enough to take care of herself, Thunderheart took her to the ponies. She changed her name to Storm Dancer, because she had no other last name, and now she searches equestrian for her blood parents. She won't stop until she finds them.
Notes: She has a vaguely lightning bolt shaped birthmark on her right shoulder.
Picture: errrr, I don't know how to post pictures. I'll put them here as soon as I figure it out. :3

Name: Aquamarine Tides
Age: 16
Gender: F
Race: hybrid unicorn / mer-pony
Personality: sassy, proud, vain, funny, outgoing, charming.
Cutie Mark Description: an ocean wave, sort of shaped like an s
Special Talent: swimming, surfing, and basically anything to do with the ocean
Hobbies: she loves doing makeup, posing in front of mirrors and cameras, and hanging out with her friends.
Current Job: She's a waitress at a small café, working hard to earn up enough money to move to the seaside.
Backstory: Her mother, a unicorn, met her father one evening as she strolled the beach. She was visiting the ocean to celebrate her 25th birthday. It was getting late, and most ponies had left, so she was surprised when she saw a pony figure, laying on the wet sand near the ocean. She hurried up to a trot, curious. As she started to get closer, she realized something was wrong. The pony wasn't acknowledging her approach at all. It was just laying there. Concerned, she galloped over as fast as she could. She gasped and stumbled to a stop as soon as she got close enough to see what it really was. A very handsome stallion lay on the beach. From his middle up, he was a beautiful, glossy white stallion, with a dark green mane. From the middle down, he had a long, silvery fish tail. Thinking quickly, she used her magic to levitate the tip of his tail and drag the seemingly lifeless mer-pony into the water. As soon as he was submerged, he livened up. He thanked her for saving him, and before she knew it, they were chatting like old friends. They fell in love soon after.
Notes: Because Aquamarine is half unicorn, half mer-horse, her magic is very weak, but her hind legs are very strong, and also almost twice as long as they should be.

Also, she and Phoenix (see below) are friends (sort of).
Picture: Can't. Don't know how.  >.<

Name: Phoenix Infrared Burst
Age: 14
Gender: F
Race: Pegasus
Personality: Brave (not the same as fearless!), honest, protective, ok with leading.
Cutie Mark Description: a flaming heart with wings, and a black and golden halberd.
Special Talent: she's not sure, but she thinks it has something to do with fire. Whether it's saving ponies from burning houses, or lighting candles at night, she loves it.
Hobbies: Most things athletic.
Current Job: She currently lights up the streetlamps, but she'd like to train to be one of the Canterlot guards.
Backstory: Umm... I haven't thought through her backstory yet. Which is kind of pathetic, seeing as I've had this OC... what, two years??
Notes: She and Aquamarine are friends (sort of)
Picture:  >A<

Name: Color Splash
Age: 13
Gender: F
Race: Earth
Personality: Optimistic, outgoing, energetic, random, sweet, a bit naïve.
Cutie Mark Description: A puddle of multicolored paint, with a paintbrush in the middle.
Special Talent: Drawing, painting, and most any form of art.
Hobbies: Partly drawing and painting, and partly just making a huge mess.
Current Job: She has a small art studio, which is already full of random paintings.
Backstory: When she was a little filly, she used to love taking walks outside. Once, when she was walking past a barber shop, a stray hair-growing spell flew out a window and hit her. Her hair instantly grew three times as long. Now, her hair, fur, and eyelashes grow incredibly fast, and she has to get a haircut at least every other day. Though her name is Color Splash, most ponies call her Rapunzel because of her loooong mane and tail.
Notes: She has a pet duck named Mustache.
Picture:  DD:

Name: Shadow Mirror
Age: 14
Gender: F
Race: Unicorn
Personality: Sad, alone, afraid, conflicted.
Cutie Mark Description: Technically, you can't see it, but... It's a dark silver heart locket, with a black knife piercing through the middle, cutting it in half. Bright colors shine from the center. It not only symbolizes an actual occurrence in her life, but it also symbolizes her good and evil sides warring, and the fact that true beauty comes from within.
Special Talent: As far as she's concerned, she doesn't have one, and she never will.
Hobbies: She's good at sneaking, being quiet, and running, but she doesn't particularly enjoy any of them.
Current Job: She has none.
Backstory: It's long. And sad. And a little scary. Hold on to your hats!
Spoiler: show
Long ago, Shadow Mirror used to be known as Glimmer Heart. Her best friend was her older sister, Shimmer Heart. They both wore silver heart lockets. Nothing was inside these lockets, but then, they didn't need anything inside. They were just fine the way they were. Any time the two fillies would get into an argument, one of them would hold up the locket, to remind the other of their friendship. Their arguments never lasted long after that.

They were very similar, so they didn't get into fights often, anyways. The only real difference between them was, Shimmer was beautiful. Her coat was a lovely ice-blue color, and her mane and tail were purple, long, and flowing. Glimmer, on the other hoof was... gray. Just gray. But then, they were young. Beauty didn't mean anything to them.

As they got older, however, Glimmer started to worry about her appearance more. Shimmer had many friends, and even a Stallion friend. However, Glimmer could have been invisible, for all the attention she got.
One afternoon, the two sisters got into a fight about it. It didn't end well. Shimmer broke off her locket and threw it onto her bedroom floor, yelling that she didn't want to have anything to do with the ugly necklace, or her ugly sister, and how Glimmer would only ever be beautiful if she turned into somepony else - which, she couldn't.

Or could she?

Angrier then she had ever been, Glimmer galloped to the nearest library to look for a spell book to make her beautiful. But there was nothing. No matter how hard she looked, none of the spells were right.
Finally, she found a very old, yellowed book, hidden away in a dusty corner. It was full of evil spells and dark magic... but it was the only thing with instructions on how to change the way you looked. The book told Glimmer to create a dark knife, then stab it through the heart of whoever she wanted to look like. It was simple, yet very advanced. But Glimmer's jealousy gave her magic strength, and she managed to forge the dark blade.

That night, she crept silently into her sister's room. Her sister slept on peacefully, unaware of the blade levitating over her. Glimmer started to slowly sink it towards her sister's chest.
Then, it stopped. Glimmer saw through her jealousy and rage, and saw what she was doing. No matter how mad she was at her sister, she couldn't murder her. She stumbled back a few steps, then, afraid of the horrible thing she almost did, and of herself, she flung the knife to the ground and ran.

What Glimmer didn't realize is, she was standing directly over her sister's broken locket. The knife stabbed right through the silver heart-shaped pendent, both breaking it in two cleanly, and completing the dark spell.
The spell didn't hit Glimmer full force until she was already a ways away from her house. She stumbled as a dark wave overtook her, and promptly blacked out.

When she awoke, she looked very different. Her fur, mane, and tail had become completely clear, like glass, so that you could see right through to her skin, which had turned an extremely shiny silver. She is, in effect, a living mirror. She can't see her reflection anymore, other than two floating eyes. (if you hold a mirror in front of a mirror, there's nothing to reflect.) Her new, see-through fur is very thin, so she wears a long black cloak, so she doesn't freeze. She changed her name Shadow Mirror, both so that her family would have a harder time finding her, and so that she could never forget the dark magic she almost gave into.

She is afraid. She is alone. And she will never know she's beautiful.

Notes: Because her fur is see-through, her cutie mark is, in effect, invisible.
Picture: I DREW HER AND IT ACTUALLY LOOKED COOOOOOLLLL (sorta.) And now I don't know how to post it. *facecomputer*

Anyways, that's it, for now. I've also drawn all the cutie marks, which I will post as soon as I can figure out how. ;)

Constructive criticism is welcome, but only as long as it's CONSTRUCTIVE. thanks!!

Post Merge

I may have just figured out how to post pictures. :3 I'ma try, anyways.



^ Storm Dancer



^ Aquamarine Tides



^ Phoenix Infrared Burst



^ Color Splash



^ Shadow Mirror



^Shadow Mirror's cutie mark



^ All cutie marks, black and white

I drew a colored in version of the cutie marks, but I haven't uploaded it yet. Also, I think the art's ok, but I'm horrible at photography. Sorry for the terrible lighting and stuff.  X3

Now, let's see if that worked...

Post Merge

SUCCESSSSSSSSS!!!

Ramisha

Why are they all girls?  >A< I mean.. umm their designs are really cool

StormDancer01

Because I'm not done making OCs yet - I'm planning on making a guy dragon at some point. :3

Ramisha

Yay! Dragon! We could really use more dragons on this forum.

-ReiMar-

Quote from: Ramisha on 2014 Aug 25, 16:56:33
Yay! Dragon! We could really use more dragons on this forum.


Sarcasm?) XD
lol

Ramisha

No, I mean, there are enough dragon-pony hybrids but thereis a surprisingly small amount of actual dragons. Not counting ponies who transform into dragons.

-ReiMar-

Quote from: Ramisha on 2014 Aug 25, 17:15:25
No, I mean, there are enough dragon-pony hybrids but thereis a surprisingly small amount of actual dragons. Not counting ponies who transform into dragons.


Well, lore-wise, we know quite little of Dragons. My whole OC is based off of that idea.
;)

StormDancer01

I love dragons.  <3 But I'm bad at drawing guy dragons. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but they always end up looking feminine. Maybe their faces are too narrow or something. Meh. However, I can draw girl dragons pretty well, if I do say so myself. If any of you are Minecraft players, you might be familiar with the Ender Dragon? I drew her once.

Anyways, I also need to think up a good backstory for my dragon character. :3 If you guys have suggestions, I'm open!

-ReiMar-

Quote from: StormDancer01 on 2014 Aug 25, 18:36:44
I love dragons.  <3 But I'm bad at drawing guy dragons. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but they always end up looking feminine. Maybe their faces are too narrow or something. Meh. However, I can draw girl dragons pretty well, if I do say so myself. If any of you are Minecraft players, you might be familiar with the Ender Dragon? I drew her once.

Anyways, I also need to think up a good backstory for my dragon character. :3 If you guys have suggestions, I'm open!


What Dragons do? Collect loot, bully ponies, sleep in caves. Not much to go with on my part. ^^''
;)

StormDancer01

Haha! You make a good point, ReiMar. :3 Maybe I just need to hurry up and draw one. :3

Go Up