Zeekar's OC's Extension.

Started by Zeekar, 2013 Apr 30, 06:45:50

previous topic - next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Go Down

Zeekar

2013 Apr 30, 06:45:50 Last Edit: 2013 Jul 29, 18:36:45 by Zeekar
This is basically PART 2 of my original OC page.You can find it in my Signature. Two more will be added soon once I finish their designs.I will update periodically.Here is how I make OC's for some people that might hate them. I make them into a rushed Base OC at first,and then start adding on from there till its 100% complete.This allows me to find errors and let my imagination flow instead of swarming into one thing all at once.Sometimes I might change nearly the entire thing possibly.Please dont be upset about this.

Jaky Disc:
Why named Jaky Disc?: In his past,he liked making a beat with different objects,and his eyes look like discs.
Nicknames: Jak and JD
Appearance:
Spoiler: show

(Sorry that the image is so pixely.Needed to resize it,hoping to get it drawn soon,with Headphones.)
Age:29 1/4
Race:Unicorn
Height:Tall
Width:Average
Build:Average
Strength in Muscle:Average
Strength in Magic:Very good
Cutie mark: A spinning disc with neon lights.
Cutie Mark History: Jaky earned his Cutie mark when he was 14 year old pony,and was taking lessons from his brother,who was nicknamed Beatz.Jaky created his own song by himself after Beatz was done teaching him,and it caused a small sonic boom on the last play,which damaged the room they were practicing in.
Usual Attitude(s): Excited and curious.
Job: DJ
Talents:Music that involves loud and obnoxious sounds(Yeah.You know what I mean.If not,Dubstep.xD), and using objects as instruments (Like rocks and sticks and other things)
Residence: Ponyville.
Old Home: Las Pegasus.
Personal Items: Blank Disc-A gift from his brother before Jaky went off to find a new home. Headphones- Another gift from his brother when Jaky started taking lessons.

Weapon: A very sharp disc that he uses for throwing.It has a boomerang effect,allowing it to come back to him,unless it hits an object and falls.

General Description:
Jaky Disc is currently a DJ looking for a home.Hes usually always happy,but tends to get on other ponys nerves since hes loud.He likes roaming alot,trying to get use to his environment. He very talkative,friendly,and generous.He tends to talk without himself even knowing he is on occasions.He trys his best to become friends with anypony he can.He can get rude if he feels like someone is insulting him,and isnt afraid to get into a fight.He does his best to look out for others,even if he has never met them.

History:
Jaky Disc was a average colt back in the days.He wondered around with his parents,made friends,all the regular things.But one thing set him aside. No matter what,he couldnt sit still. He was always moving around. But more importantly,he couldnt stop playing music.Or at least trying to. What ever he could find,he would make it into an instrument.Like the time he took two rocks and made a beat by hitting them agents a wall. His brother,nicknamed Beatz,saw this as an oppertunity to teach Jaky a new type of music Jaky didn't know.Jaky decided that he should try whatever this music is,and turns out it was Scratching.He didnt understand it at first,but after a long while,Beatz taught him what to do.Jaky loved this new activity.Not to long after Jaky was done learning at age 20,he decided to travel.He couldn't stand living in Las Pegasus anymore,he got to use to it.It was boring to him.So,with his final goodbyes to his brother and parents,he set off,looking to find a new home,hopefully a lively one.And so,after exploring for 9 years,he heard about a town named 'Ponyville'. He never heard of it before.He had to check it out.And so,now begins his journey to his soon to be home.Possibly.

Vale:
Nickname(s): Talon
Age: 25
Race: Griffon
Height:Slightly above average of a regular griffon.
Width:Average
Build:Slightly above average of a regular griffon.
Strength in Muscle:Slightly above average of a regular griffon.
Strength in Magic:Varies
Job: None
Talents: Fighting, flying, making others laugh.

Appearance: His main wing feather and fur color is black, though this is permanently dyed, his natural color is brown. The tips of each feathers on the wings are white and navy blue in a random order. His head feather color is white, and he has a black skinned scar going across his left eye horizontally and right eye vertically. His claws/talons are white with many black scratch marks on them, almost making them seem sort of greyish. His eye color is a deep navy blue, and the tip of his tail is also navy blue. His beak is black with a blue tip. He has a large navy blue symbol on his left claw/talon that symbolizes Water.

Clothing: A long white scarf and occasionally has a cloak with a hood, but rarely has it. He occasionally wears many different hats, from top-hats to fedoras to just about anything.

Equipment: On his right claw/talon there is a thick metal gauntlet like glove almost covering the entire leg, making the claws literally as sharp as steel. (No pun intended.) When this gauntlet is inside water, it will start expanding into a full-body armor that is mainly damaged by fire and can be destroyed by it in seconds.

Personal items: A necklace that is always around his neck. It is just a regular golden necklace.

Good/Bads: Good: He is very kind hearted Bad: He can easily change his mood from the smallest of problems. Good: He is strong. Bad: He is afraid of many things. Good: He enjoys helping friends. Bad: He doesnt always trust everypony he sees. Good: His armor can stay on as long as he pleases. Bad: If he loses to much focus or gets hit to much, it will go down.

History: Vale comes from Europe (Or however you would call it here x3.) as a traveler. His old job use to just be an entertainer for other griffons and ponys, since his mother and father ran many festivals. He didnt have much joy in this, since he was never good at entertainment when it comes to stunts. However, he WAS clumsy, and this did make ponys laugh, which is exactly what I loved doing. He heard that some citys and towns inside Equestria had many ponys like him, and he thought that it would be swell to have other ponys and griffons around him that could did the same as him. So, he went by boat. And since he has arrived in Equestria, his first main destination is Ponyville, as he hears this may be a very preferred area for laughter and happiness. He can now only dream on how well this visit may turn out.

Name: Dawn Strider
Nicknames: DS, Stridey
Age: 17
Race: Earth Pony
Height: Average
Width: Average
Build: Average
Strength in muscle: Varies
Strength in magic: Varies, usually nearly no skill.
Job: None
Cutie Mark:
Spoiler: show

Appearance:
Spoiler: show

Talents: Archery, hoof-to-hoof combat, running, hiding, seeing, and hunting.
Clothing: He has a camo-like cloak always on him, as it is his 'lucky' cloak. He usually has his hunting shoes on as well.
Equipment: He ALWAYS has his white metal quiver, usually filled with arrows, and his white and green stripped bow on him. He never leaves them alone, ever.

Goods/Bads: Good: He is always aware of his surroundings, even the smallest sounds. Bad: This can actually distract him alot of times. Good: He is an amazing shot with a bow and arrow. Bad: He never wants to use it in fear of breaking the bow, so he rarely uses it. Good: He trains endlessly. Bad: This can get in the way of a lot of things.

History: DS grew up in Everfree with his parents. The only reason they lived in Everfree is because they had a strange fondness with the surroundings. They thought it was much more peaceful than a always active town or city. His father was a skilled archer and his mother was a professional unicorn magic user. DS grew up learning nothing but archery from his father, besides the hoof-to-hoof combat and hiding techniques. On a tragic day, his mother screwed up on a very powerful spell, in which was suppose to infuse two animals into one to turn it into a brand new animal, instead it infused his mother, father, and DS into one pony, which was DS. With the last of her magic and time, she used her magic to wipe this memory from DSs mind, in hoping that he wouldnt have to re-live this tragic accident. Now his mother and father eternally live in the mind of DS, not able to contact him and tell them they live. But here and there... whenever DS needs it... his parents help him eternally, whether it be magic, or strength, or accuracy.



Gracie Sky

Is his name Ocean View or Ocean Vortex? You seem to jump between those two names.

Also, this pony is too tragic to believe. Even if his parents were the most hardcore of bakers in all of Equestria, there is no chance in my mind that they would flat out abandon their 9 year old child, whom they "love deeply" simply because his talent is not related to baking.

His special talent was found when he used magic to split water in order to save himself from a strong ocean current. You know... that makes me wonder why his parents didn't name him after something "baking" related if they really wanted him to be a baker. It's a bit coincidental that his name is also the place where he got his cutie mark. Anyways, I find his ability to be fine, although I would enjoy seeing what he is capable of doing with his talent in more detail and how it could be used in practical situations.

So after he was abandoned and unknowingly left Phillydelphia, it seems he was the constant target of being robbed, lied to, and just treated badly in general. Ignoring the fact that he probably nothing of value on him, since he's constantly on the verge of starvation, I don't easily buy stories of ponies who get abused on a regular basis in Equestria. Ponies are docile creatures who practice "Love and Tolerance" and believe that "Friendship is Magic". They don't go around beating up homeless ponies just for the fun of it. If this were the case, Princess Celestia is obviously not doing her job. You're not implying Princess Celestia is allowing ponies to commit crimes on each other without fear of reprisal, are you?

I recommend you reconsider how tragic you make this character, perhaps focus more on his abilities with water rather than making his life as miserable as possible. I think he would be a much easier to like character if he pursued a career as a "water sculptor" or... a life guard even. At least tell me why he needs to be so picked on and I might be able to help you work around the current pitfalls your character is in.

Also, extremely shy ponies don't normally consider DJing. It just... not a DJ trait.
Character Critique Thread

Have your OC fairly and honestly evaluated!

Go Up