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Author Topic: Discussion Spellsworth  (Read 1037 times)

Offline alexandas

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Discussion Spellsworth
« on: 2012 Dec 01, 20:23:52 »
So here's the discussion please spoiler anything about the story that is a SPOILER, duh, anyway I would like you to critique the story, anything at all needs critiquing, also if you want your OC in the story, just ask and I'll put you on this thing down here until I add, also while your critiquing keep in mind that I'm only 13 years old, so don't use any profanity.  Please enjoy reading.
HERE is the link to the story: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=5722.msg448543#msg448543

OCS I NEED TO ADD
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
If you want to add an OC, I need a very detailed description of him/her, the MOST DETAIL YOU'VE EVER HAD FOR YOUR OC
If you don't give me it detailed enough, I simply will tell you to add more
« Last Edit: 2012 Dec 01, 21:45:09 by alexandas »
I'm probably not here, but If I am, call me moon rabbits.
This is for you, guys: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=10581.msg878328#msg878328
:ajshifty::-3 (bloomberg)

Offline The Wandering Magus

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Re: Discussion Spellsworth
« Reply #1 on: 2012 Dec 03, 12:47:31 »
So here's the discussion please spoiler anything about the story that is a SPOILER, duh, anyway I would like you to critique the story, anything at all needs critiquing, also if you want your OC in the story, just ask and I'll put you on this thing down here until I add, also while your critiquing keep in mind that I'm only 13 years old, so don't use any profanity.  Please enjoy reading.
HERE is the link to the story: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=5722.msg448543#msg448543

OCS I NEED TO ADD
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
If you want to add an OC, I need a very detailed description of him/her, the MOST DETAIL YOU'VE EVER HAD FOR YOUR OC
If you don't give me it detailed enough, I simply will tell you to add more
hmm... sure why not.
Dr. Feather Scroll, aka "Magus"
LONG description
Species:Unicorn

Gender:Stallion

Age:28

Physique:Somewhat frail

Cutie Mark:Lightning-blue feather and purple-rune-covered silk scroll

Talent:Interactions between various forms of magics; can build matrices incorporating a variety of spells, potions and runes on the fly

Mane Color:Soft Pink

Mane Style:Wavy and somewhat long, partially covering one eye (in the shy sort of way)

Coat Color:Light blue

Eye Color:Pink

Magic Color:Purple

Occupation:Research in universally accessible magic, magic storage, spell matrices and Alchemy-Magic interactions; Professor at the Royal Academy of Magic

Personality Traits:Generally shy and gentle, but can get assertive in stressful situations. Can go into OCD-mode when researching, but otherwise is very flexible and accommodating.

Other Information:Is fluent and literate in ancient Equestrian, has a passing knowledge of Draconic, is an artist and cartographer as a hobby, can play the flute, decent cook, lives with Juniper Blossom, has passing knowledge of Zebra alchemy

Biography:Feather Scroll began his life as  the son of Lightning Scroll, a professor at the Royal Academy of Magic in Canterlot.  His upper-middle-class family lived in a moderately large two-story house in the suburbs nearby the Academy with a view of the city’s artificial lake and park.  Although certainly the young colt spent time among his peers, the young Feather was more inclined to stay at home playing his flute or in the library reading books rather than going to dinner parties or visiting friends.  Lightning, a proponent of pony equality and pioneer in the theory of unified magic, nevertheless encouraged his son to spend time with ponies of all socioeconomic classes, and the colt learned to appreciate having a few friends.  As expected, the unicorn proved talented enough to enter the School for Gifted Unicorns, and graduated with average scores, a cutie mark, and a few more close friends with whom he would often spend time researching or philosophising later as a student at the Royal Academy.  There, he managed to develop the first theories for inter-magical forces.  He earned his doctorate pioneering research and development in and founding the new field of magitronics.  His father assisted in overseeing the budding research team dedicated to the field, and continues to manage the Canterlot division.  To fund his research, Feather interned with his father’s department and taught classes, becoming a professor in the field he founded at the Academy.  To the surprise of some of the canterlot elite, he also moved to the small town of Ponyville on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest to research the local zebra’s alchemy as well as the location’s effects on magical devices.  During the course of his early career, the young Feather did not have much time for social events, but eventually his friends and neighbors convinced him to go to the Summer Sun Celebration with them.  There, chance had him meet with the carpenter Juniper Blossom during an impromptu musical ensemble he was persuaded to join, and the pair’s relationship began.  It soon developed into quite a close kinship, and so with the approval of both the Scroll and Blossom families the two were quietly married several years later.  The couple lives in a decent home nestled comfortably between the Forest and the town's center, a few minutes' walk from the Ponyville Library in one direction and the market square in the other.  He commutes three times a week by train to lecture at the Royal Academy in Canterlot.

Optional mane six relationships:
Spoiler
He has a casual but friendly relationship with the Ponyville Librarian and her Assistant, as well as the local Clothing Designer, who provides him with embroidered rune matrices and exotic fabrics for constructing his research devices.  He is popularly known among Ponyville citizens as "Magus" due to a rather embarrassing remark made by the hyperactive resident Confections Maker on his job and talent during the "welcome party" she threw for him.  He nevertheless will answer to the nickname cheerfully and without much comment.  He has had the local Weather Captain perform as a research subject on occasion for his studies and keeps a professional relationship with her.  He is casual friends with the local shy Animal Caretaker after being introduced by Juniper, despite nopony being able to hear more than squeaks on both ends whenever they talk.

Juniper Blossom Scroll
LONG description
Species:Earth Pony

Gender:Mare

Age:25

Physique:Strong and hardy but decently shaped

Cutie Mark:A stump carved into a beautiful portrait surrounded by sprouting flowers and vegetables.

Talent:Woodworking

Mane Color:Light brown with streaks of darker brown

Mane Style:Long and flowing naturally, but usually braided and to one side.

Coat Color:Soft Green

Eye Color:Brownish-Green

Occupation:Carpenter/woodworker/gardener; her stand in the square sells both fresh edible plants and various wood tools and toys.

Personality Traits:Gentle, but firm. Good at bartering but prefers to get trading over with and spend the rest of the time making small talk with the regulars. Occasionally gives out dolls and toys to foals for free. A good friend to have a conversation with and the wrong pony to try to swindle.

Other Information:Carves toys, tools, furniture, accessories, instruments and any number of other items from various types of wood ranging from basic Rowan to Holly and Yew. Also does gardening on the side, growing all manner of small vegetables and edible flowers not already covered by the rest of the market. She chooses not to compete with other merchants and in exchange has somewhat of a stranglehold on the woodworking market. Can play the guitar. Lives with Feather Scroll.

Biography:Juniper Blossom was born the middle child of the humble Blossom family, the daughter of a farmer and a carpenter.  The family trade mostly involved the growing and selling of flowers of all sorts, although occasionally a few pieces of woodwork might make its way to market when the harvests were down.  The farm was adjacent to the small town of Ponyville, where Juniper would help sell the harvests or attend Ponyville Elementary after the Running of the Leaves.  The entire family was very orthodox in every sense of the term, and from an early age Juniper learned much of the history of Equestria and the power of the Princesses.  In addition to her education and trade, the young filly was also taught to attend every Summer Sun Celebration in honor of Celestia.  As time drew on, and Juniper earned her cutiemark whittling an entire replica of Equestria out of a stump in the middle of one of the flower fields with nothing more than a small knife, it became apparent that her talent would not follow that of her siblings, but rather the woodworking side of the family.  To properly learn the trade, the filly was placed in the apprenticeship of her uncle, who lived in Ponyville proper.  There in her uncle’s workshop she learned all there was to know about carpentry, and in time she became an expert of the craft.  She took over the establishment after her uncle stepped down and went on to corner the woodworking business in the town through shrewd economic maneuvering and deals with various competitors.  It happened that around this time the young Juniper met Feather during an impromptu ensemble she participated in during the annual Summer Sun Celebration.  After a few encounters, the pair became close friends, and in time, lovers.  Fortunately. her family approved of the young Feather, and the couple were quietly wed some years later, with Juniper taking temporary leave of her shop as she moved into the new residence purchased and built by the couple.  Some other merchants criticize her for her strict shop policies and attitude on barter, but she insists that what's important is getting to know the customer's needs, not haggling for more money than what the product's really worth.  She occasionally answers to "Juni" from longtime customers, but prefers "Ms. Blossom", "Ms. Juniper" or just "Juniper".

Optional Mane Six relations:
Spoiler
She is a regular supplier of wood accessories and decorations for the local Clothing Designer, and struck up a friendship with the shy Animal Caretaker after vigorously defending her right to be exactly the next in line at her booth in front of a crowd of less than savory stallions and running every one of them off when they objected physically.  She is also both a supplier and customer of the Apple family, helping carve the Big Red Stallion's yoke.  She has had one or two encounters with the local Weather Captain, mostly less-than-friendly ones involving high-speed collision and minor property damage.  She has also met the Local Librarian through Feather Scroll.  Like literally EVERYPONY, she is "happy friends" with the local Confection Maker and self-proclaimed Party Planner, although her patience is strained when some of the pink pony's antics create damage to her wares.
« Last Edit: 2012 Dec 04, 16:42:55 by The Wandering Magus »
(sorry Bakasan, chose this image)
Descriptions and art of my OCs here: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=2636
my art: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=298
visiting soldier sister, be back 8/12/2013

Offline The Wandering Magus

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Re: Discussion Spellsworth
« Reply #2 on: 2012 Dec 03, 12:48:09 »
Lord Fancy Pants the Fifth, Master of the Pants Estate, Keeper of the Triple Crown, Knighted Guard of the Royal Sisters (mary sue GM character)
LONG description
Species:Unicorn

Gender:Stallion

Age:46

Physique:Strong and firmly built, yet dainty, with low endurance

Cutie Mark:Triple Crown

Talent:Carrying on family legacy, unknown

Mane/Tail Color:Blue

Mane Style:Formally Combed and Firm

Coat Color:White

Eye Color:Blue

Occupation:Aristocrat/noble

Personality Traits:Very compassionate and patient, but sheltered and unfamiliar with the world beyond the bubble of high society he lives in. He is not easily cowed, having served as a part of the Equestrian Royal Guard in the past, but prefers to talk things out, and if possible leave the fighting to his servants and bodyguards.  He has a reputation for generosity and making friends with ponies from Ponyville, and for always keeping his word.  He is impeccably polite to everypony, and is close as family with his own servants, who call him Master out of love and admiration rather than necessity.

Other Information:Expert swordspony, insanely rich, dabbles in painting, philosophy, hiking, swimming, archery, gentleman's martial arts, literature, calligraphy, poetry, and a number of other high-class and expensive hobbies.  He owns a large collection of valuable items.  Best friends with Sir Green Strokes.   Philanthropist and investor, if there exists a public or charitable facility in Equestria, it was probably funded largely by him.  He is extremely remorseful of his past and is easily depressed when the subject is brought up.

Biography:The firstborn son and heir to the Pants Estate, he spent his foalhood swimming in luxury few could even dream of.  Yet for all his wealth, he was not in the least bit spoiled, for his father, Fancy the Fourth, believed that wealth and power alone was not enough, and that influence through proper behaviour and charisma was necessary for the continued dominance of the Pants family amongst the aristocracy.  As such, the young Fancy spent much of his early years under the stern gaze of private tutors, and as his father was often out building up the family's influence, under the care and guidance of his nanny Pearl and butler bodyguard Bloodblade.  He also met and became good friends with the now Sir Green Strokes, with whom he shared many fun and interesting adventures around the estate.  Sometime during his training he realized it was his destiny and duty to carry on the Pants name, and received his Cutie Mark in this way.  After coming of age, he was sent off to the Royal Military Academy to train to be an officer like any proper noble, and for several years he served as part of the Royal Guard.  During this interval he fought off several assassins, earning him a knighting.  It was the last of these assassinations in which he and Green Strokes fought off several changeling spies, and the two of them decided to use the passphrase "Canterlot Mountain" to refer to shapeshifting dangers and the need for secrecy.  After leaving the military, he parted ways with his old friend, who sought to go journey around the world to get new insights.  As he copleted his father's "training", he was introduced to La Famille Fleur De Lis, the family assassins.  What followed were a grim and unfortunate series of events involving family feuds and assassinations, with Fancy succeeding his father in dark manners.  During this dark time, an expert assassin known only as Lovelace managed to seduce her way into Fancy's trust, and in his moment of vulnerability nearly ruined him.  His dark actions after this, and their tragic consequences, is related in the tale entitled Sweet and Elite: A Game of Shadows and its sequels.  In the years following that dark time, he sought to undo the many atrocities he and his family had inflicted, funding schools, hospitals, libraries, orphanages, and many other organizations as penace for his wrongdoings.  During this time of increasing influence and generosity he met Ponyville's fashion designer and her friends, and also invited many nobles to his estate for dinner parties.  In the end, however, all this could not pay for his sins, and as his old froend Sir Green Strokes returned from his journeys, assassins once again sought to end the Pants line.  That story is related in the tale entitled Sweet and Elite: A Lover's Last Legacy.  Now, having gained a new outlook on life, Fancy is setting out with his old friend Sir Green Strokes and several of his other noble friends, and the would-be assassin Chirp, on a pilgramige of self-discovery and adventure whichwill take him far beyond the borders of Equestria.  This tale is currently being written under the title Pants and Strokes Adventures: Journeys Beyond Equestria.



Butler Bloodblade (mary sue GM character)
LONG description
Species:Pegasus

Gender:Stallion

Age:66

Physique:Strong, swift and enduring.  Excellent shape.

Cutie Mark:A wing with blades at the tips of the feathers

Talent:Utilizing wingblades with deadly precision

Mane/Tail Color:Black

Mane Style:Formally Combed, similar to his Master's

Coat Color:Dark grey

Eye Color:Black

Occupation:Butler and bodyguard of Lord Fancy Pants

Personality Traits:Impeccably polite and quietly obedient to his Master, as well as fanatically loyal to the Pants Family, he very rarely speaks unless spoken to and always keeps his word.  He is proud to serve his Master and even stated that if no law would bind him to his service, he would bind himself.  He never complains and strives to please.

Other Information:The latest in a long line of butlers and bodyguards to the Pants family, he is insanely competent in combat with wingblades.  He constantly wears ten thousand blades between his wings and weighted shoes to protect his Master from any and all harm.  As a butler, he is also skilled at cooking and cleaning, as well as medicine, clothing repair, and any other skill his Master might require of him.

Biography:Born to a long line of butlers serving the Pants family, he was trained in all manner of martial and servile skills in order to defend and serve the Masters.  From an early age he took easily to use of the wingblades typical of pegasus Royal Guards and thus earned his cutie mark.  He helped Pearl raise and watch after the young Fancy, becoming a sort of father figure to the colt and teaching loyalty and honesty and friendship while Pearl taught kindness, generosity and laughter.  Although the Dark Years did not pass without his involvement, he never deviated from his vow to serve his Master, right or wrong, even in the darkest of times.  Currently, he is joining his Master on a pilgrimage to seek new perspectives on the world.  The tale is being written under the title of Pants and Strokes Adventures: Journeys Beyond Equestria.


« Last Edit: 2012 Dec 04, 16:34:31 by The Wandering Magus »
(sorry Bakasan, chose this image)
Descriptions and art of my OCs here: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=2636
my art: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=298
visiting soldier sister, be back 8/12/2013

Offline alexandas

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Re: Discussion Spellsworth
« Reply #3 on: 2012 Dec 03, 19:05:14 »
I will put in one of your choice, and could you spoiler them please?  I think Dr. Featherscroll will be the one I'd like to do, I will read bio when i has time and if the location is in there than good if it's not than please put it in there because that will be extremely important!!!
I'm probably not here, but If I am, call me moon rabbits.
This is for you, guys: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=10581.msg878328#msg878328
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Offline The Wandering Magus

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Re: Discussion Spellsworth
« Reply #4 on: 2012 Dec 04, 16:41:47 »
hmm... all right then, Dr. Scroll will be awesome if you so choose :)
(sorry Bakasan, chose this image)
Descriptions and art of my OCs here: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=2636
my art: http://legendsofequestria.com/forum/index.php?topic=298
visiting soldier sister, be back 8/12/2013

Offline alexandas

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Re: Discussion Spellsworth
« Reply #5 on: 2012 Dec 04, 18:53:04 »
hmm... all right then, Dr. Scroll will be awesome if you so choose :)
I will 99.999% choose him, but there's always that .001% lol
I'm probably not here, but If I am, call me moon rabbits.
This is for you, guys: http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=10581.msg878328#msg878328
:ajshifty::-3 (bloomberg)