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Author Topic: (Discussion) A New Breeze  (Read 3622 times)

Offline ComputerDeathglare

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #20 on: 2012 Nov 13, 00:11:48 »
I downloaded an app called "Pony Art." I was browsing it and found the cover for this. I kinda freaked out and came here. :3

Love the story very much, btw. ^-^
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Offline Midnight Breeze

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #21 on: 2012 Nov 15, 10:31:16 »
Chapter 9 now out. I'm going to revise the story and correct some of the grammatical mistakes and Freudian slips soon. Rereading the story shows just how terrible my proofreading skills are.  :s


WOW. I just realized I accidentally titled chapter 8 as chapter 7. Fail.
« Last Edit: 2012 Nov 15, 10:33:33 by Midnight Breeze »

Offline Gracie Sky

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #22 on: 2012 Nov 17, 23:45:30 »
I might as well give you some more feedback up to date.

So far, you've done a really good job with keeping the mane 6's personalities accurate. I'm a little worried about how buddy buddy they are with Midnight, though. They're using nicknames... most of which the mane 6 don't use with each other, save for "Dashie", which is only used by Pinkie Pie, if I recall correctly... Maybe "Twi" used used by Applejack...

The other thing that bothers me is how... um... graphic the scene with the Ursa Minor is. I know you're objective was to injure Midnight, but I think you went a little overboard with how much explaining of his injuries you did. Then again, I'm a little weak and cringe at the slightest sign of discomfort. Just the mere mention of "bone against bone" makes me uneasy.

I would recommend using a more animated style of injuring Midnight, something less "real". Maybe something like Midnight getting swatted and sailing across the room in a sideways barrel roll. Just no open wounds or blood or bones snapping or shattering or... yeah.

On another note... I sense some indirect foreshadowing concerning Fluttershy. I don't want to spoil it for myself by excessively over analyzing the things Fluttershy did or did not say/imply, but I am suspecting a certain plot twist.
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Offline Midnight Breeze

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #23 on: 2012 Nov 18, 00:01:01 »
Quote
So far, you've done a really good job with keeping the mane 6's personalities accurate. I'm a little worried about how buddy buddy they are with Midnight, though. They're using nicknames... most of which the mane 6 don't use with each other, save for "Dashie", which is only used by Pinkie Pie, if I recall correctly... Maybe "Twi" used used by Applejack...

The only one who calls him by a nickname is Pinkie, and only be cause she's his best friend. The reason he calls everyone else by nicknames is supposed to be an easter egg: Once Midnight considers somepony a friend he begins referring to them by one-syllable nicknames. The only exception is Fluttershy. Notice how it took him several days before he started calling Pinkie Pie 'Pink'. Yet he calls Rarity 'Rare' almost immediately after meeting her. It's supposed to show that he is developing socially and opening up easier.

Quote
The other thing that bothers me is how... um... graphic the scene with the Ursa Minor is. I know you're objective was to injure Midnight, but I think you went a little overboard with how much explaining of his injuries you did. Then again, I'm a little weak and cringe at the slightest sign of discomfort. Just the mere mention of "bone against bone" makes me uneasy.

I would recommend using a more animated style of injuring Midnight, something less "real". Maybe something like Midnight getting swatted and sailing across the room in a sideways barrel roll. Just no open wounds or blood or bones snapping or shattering or... yeah.

I actually was a little worried that the mods would come down on the story for this part. I know it's pretty grimdark for an MLP setting but a comical scene probably wouldn't have cut it. My intention was for Midnight to be crippled. Not just beat up. It's hard to cripple a character without broken and shattered bones involved.

Thanks for the feedback, always appreciated!  ^-^

Offline Gracie Sky

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #24 on: 2012 Nov 18, 00:20:32 »
I actually was a little worried that the mods would come down on the story for this part. I know it's pretty grimdark for an MLP setting but a comical scene probably wouldn't have cut it. My intention was for Midnight to be crippled. Not just beat up. It's hard to cripple a character without broken and shattered bones involved.

:P Aww, you sure putting Midnight in a full body cast wouldn't pass him for crippled?
 :s Just kidding.
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Offline Midnight Breeze

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #25 on: 2012 Nov 21, 23:39:29 »
Chapter 10 out. I had intended for Midnight's Get-Well-Soon party to be in chapter 10, but it would have wound up being way too long. Chapter 11 will be out by tomorrow night.

Chapter 11 out! Wow, I actually met a deadline. Imagine that.

Chapter 12 out now. Moving nice and fast.
« Last Edit: 2012 Nov 25, 22:15:25 by Midnight Breeze »

Offline Gracie Sky

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #26 on: 2012 Nov 26, 17:58:01 »
Ooh... I think I see what's going on here... it's going in one of two ways.
Let's see if my instincts are correct.
Either way, your story development is excellently executed so far, if I don't say so myself.
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Offline Midnight Breeze

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #27 on: 2012 Dec 04, 19:05:54 »
Well, I'd like to celebrate the story officially getting more views than the sticky that says "Read First"!  lol

Sorry chapter 13 is taking so long. It's proving to be a surprisingly difficult chapter to write. After the next two chapters things should go nice and smoothly for the rest of the story.

Offline Midnight Breeze

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #28 on: 2012 Dec 26, 07:19:38 »
Alright, everyone, I can totally explain. You see, Midnight's contract with me expired and we're having a lot of legal trouble getting it renewed. As soon as we have a new contract a new chapter will be uploaded.  X3


But seriously, though. A month later I think it's beyond time to officially declare the story on hiatus. Rest assured it WILL be completed, but I can't say when as of now. Sorry, Gracie, you'll have to stay hanging on that cliff for now!

Offline Midnight Breeze

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #29 on: 2013 Sep 25, 19:26:57 »
So, in response to the fact that it's been nearly a year since the last update I figure I should say that the reason for it is pure procrastination.

Like I said before, the ending has long-since been scripted and all that needs to be done is connect the dots. It would be a real same to abandon the story, since I had a very interesting reveal coming up. I do still want to finish it if by chance anyone is still interested.

Offline Gracie Sky

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Re: (Discussion) A New Breeze
« Reply #30 on: 2013 Sep 30, 19:36:01 »
If it means anything, I would like to see you finish it. I know how powerful the allure of procrastination can be, but if you already have this all scripted, it would be a shame if you didn't follow through. I'll still be here to tell you how you're doing, if you still want feedback, of course.

 :s
I don't want to be the only one on the forums with a promising story, either! Don't give up!
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