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Original Characters / Re: Character Critique Thread
2014 Jan 31, 03:41:06
Hmm... Thank you, I think I know what to do now. I hadn't realized that the style I used would cause some issues on his personality, and your suggestion is a very nice approach to solve said issues without "breaking character." The observations you've made on him based on how he's talked actually helps me a lot, so I know where to go from there.
Onto the length... Yeah, that's a problem of mine, as you'll likely be able to tell from this response. I start writing and kinda have trouble stopping until the whole story is told. The fact that this is the first time I was actually writing out his history didn't help. And you're right, finding out about the character's history through interaction is better than having it told to you. I'll cut it down a (rather large) bit, probably just rewriting the whole thing and saving the wall of text for myself. On the present... yeah, kinda still fuzzy on his present at the moment. Mainly because he's still doing things in said RPG I mention below, so I should probably figure that out, huh? Hehe.
Yeah... the whole explosion thing's an artifact from the RPG he's from. It's a bit darker than canon, so I'll rethink that part of his history. Hmm... thank you, you've given me some valuable ideas and insights into both the character and the way I write. I'll definitely be able to improve this. Thanks again for taking the time to help me, and Enjoy the Chaos!
Onto the length... Yeah, that's a problem of mine, as you'll likely be able to tell from this response. I start writing and kinda have trouble stopping until the whole story is told. The fact that this is the first time I was actually writing out his history didn't help. And you're right, finding out about the character's history through interaction is better than having it told to you. I'll cut it down a (rather large) bit, probably just rewriting the whole thing and saving the wall of text for myself. On the present... yeah, kinda still fuzzy on his present at the moment. Mainly because he's still doing things in said RPG I mention below, so I should probably figure that out, huh? Hehe.
Yeah... the whole explosion thing's an artifact from the RPG he's from. It's a bit darker than canon, so I'll rethink that part of his history. Hmm... thank you, you've given me some valuable ideas and insights into both the character and the way I write. I'll definitely be able to improve this. Thanks again for taking the time to help me, and Enjoy the Chaos!
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Original Characters / Re: Character Critique Thread
2014 Jan 28, 23:02:05
I must admit that I'm curious as to what you think of Blindfire. I'm actually using him in the tabletop RPG I run, along with the characters of Liven Courier and Dusty Scroll (who won't be getting her own section of my comments thankfully), so I'd like to know anywhere I can... touch up on his character. Still working on the picture personally, since I tend to get a bit excessive with the details considering I use Gimp and General Zoi's pony creator for them, but I'll likely add that to his page after getting some feedback. Thank you for the consideration, and also for doing this kind of thing in the first place. Getting fair criticism of this kind of thing is surprisingly difficult sometimes. And sorry for subjecting you to the wall of text. I just start writing and... well, being concise is not one of my strong suits. Anyway, Enjoy the Chaos, and thanks again!
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9841.0
Edit: And I forgot the link. GO ME! 83
http://forum.legendsofequestria.com/index.php?topic=9841.0
Edit: And I forgot the link. GO ME! 83
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Original Characters / Re: Time to spin a tale, striped and pale.
2014 Jan 28, 22:52:13
Hehehe, okay, that was hilarious! Don't worry, he's figured out a bit while walking around. Doors are hilarious though, he walks into them more often than not! Don't tell him, but Snowfall closes the door sometimes. He walks straight into it, it's hilarious the first few times... though last time he melted the hinges on the door in the living room.
---Blindfire---
... Gimme a second while I kick the Airhead out.
There we go, now, ya were saying? I don't usually have too much trouble with walking into things, usually have somepony to warn before I walk off something. Thanks for the cane though, I'll see if Snowfall can come up with some kinda strap or something. Better not to hold in your teeth when ya walk into something, ya know? Hurts like scissortrap when it jams ya in the back of the mouth. Or throat. Haven't had that particular one happen yet, thankfully. Jack Boot actually was the first one to give me the idea, how I figured out the problems with holding it in my mouth. Thanks again though, most ponies I've run into down south were too busy with their own problems to care about a random zebra. Equestria's... different from down south. Kinda nice. Anyway, Enjoy the Chaos Gracie Sky, Arashikage.
---Blindfire---
... Gimme a second while I kick the Airhead out.
There we go, now, ya were saying? I don't usually have too much trouble with walking into things, usually have somepony to warn before I walk off something. Thanks for the cane though, I'll see if Snowfall can come up with some kinda strap or something. Better not to hold in your teeth when ya walk into something, ya know? Hurts like scissortrap when it jams ya in the back of the mouth. Or throat. Haven't had that particular one happen yet, thankfully. Jack Boot actually was the first one to give me the idea, how I figured out the problems with holding it in my mouth. Thanks again though, most ponies I've run into down south were too busy with their own problems to care about a random zebra. Equestria's... different from down south. Kinda nice. Anyway, Enjoy the Chaos Gracie Sky, Arashikage.
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Original Characters / Re: Time to spin a tale, striped and pale.
2014 Jan 21, 22:14:41
Alchemy. Throw the wrong things together and you go boom.
---Blindfire---
Alchemy. Mixed the wrong things while trying to figure out a way to fix my eyes. Alchemy's about as dangerous as Unicorn Magic, if not more so. Put the wrong things together and they can explode or do other unexpected things.
---Blindfire---
Alchemy. Mixed the wrong things while trying to figure out a way to fix my eyes. Alchemy's about as dangerous as Unicorn Magic, if not more so. Put the wrong things together and they can explode or do other unexpected things.
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Original Characters / Re: Time to spin a tale, striped and pale.
2014 Jan 21, 22:00:45
Oh, I can handle that! Mom exploded, dad is probably wandering the world, walked around the southern continent for a year alone, met Jack Boot, traveled with her for around for fourteen years, lived in Seaddle for a year, lost Jack Boot between continents, drunkenly wandered Equestria for a while, adopted two little ponies, and met me! Oh, and he's a bit of a jerk sometimes, but that's just him. Just about sums his story up. No idea why it was so long, guess he likes talking. Must be a Zebra thing. Oh, and he's blind. That's an important bit.
---Blindfire---
Oy airhead! Don't go summarizing somepony else's story! Ya ruin it for everypony who wants to hear the good bits.
---Blindfire---
Oy airhead! Don't go summarizing somepony else's story! Ya ruin it for everypony who wants to hear the good bits.
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Original Characters / Time to spin a tale, striped and pale.
2014 Jan 21, 21:17:29
Yeah, I don't have much place to talk here, so I'm gonna leave it up to him to explain himself. Enjoy the Chaos everypony, I've got a delivery to get to.
---Blindfire---
Gone already? Huh, that was fast. Crazy kid never did slow down. Oh yeah, time for a story. Well, let's see... I should start with the obvious I guess. Name's Blindfire. I know it ain't normal for a Zebra, but what can I say? Always liked the simplicity of pony names, and this one stuck. I've been walkin' this world for about twenty of my twenty six years now, give or take a few. Kinda lost track once I hit Camelu. I'm a wanderer by trade, if ya couldn't tell. Walkin's and Alchemy are all I know. Now, you've probably heard of Zebrica, right? Way down south, on another continent. That's where I'm from, and most others like me I reckon. Now for the fun part. See, I was born blind. Now you're probably askin' yourself "How's he typing then?" Same way little Twilight sends her letters, I dictate. Picked up a pair of kids in Canterlot a bit back, filly and colt were alone. Seeing as I was alone, I figured I'd take them along with me and teach them how the world worked. Little Sandy Stride's pretty good with a keyboard for an Earth Pony, so she helps me write when the airhead up there's missing. Now where was I... Oh yeah, foalhood.
Now, in Zebrica things aren't quite like they are here. Ya get good at surviving, or ya don't. Me? Well, being blind wasn't much of an advantage as ya can probably guess. Dad's probably still wandering around out here somewhere, and my mom... well, she taught me how to get by for six years. How to perceive the world around me, Alchemy, everything. All the while she was working on something or another to let me see. Well, as any zebra will tell you, sometimes the things ya mix don't want to go together quietly. Heard a shout, then nothing but heat and sound. Ears were still ringing when I woke up across the street. With no one to take care of me, I gathered what supplies I could from the debris and started walking. It was tough, and I lost the road a few times, but after everything that had happened I couldn't very well stop walking. Ended up wandering into Camelu who knows how long later. Met up with somepony who'd be my friend from then on. Earth Pony filly by the name of Jack Boot. Filly'd figured out her talent was wandering pretty early, since she sounded a bit older than me. Ended up traveling together for the next... fourteen years or so I think. She's the one who called me Blindfire, after all the times I'd set myself on fire trying to get camp set up. Can't remember my old name, doesn't really matter anyway.
We went everywhere. Camelu, Cervidas, the Emberbrace Mountains, heck even Roe Island. We relied on each other, course when you're out in the Camelu deserts you learn pretty quick to rely on your friends. Heck, forget friends, we were family. She made up for my faults, and I helped her with her's. Nothing better for a short temper than a hoof at your back, even if ya have to help it find ya. Real useful when ya are trying to not get chased off from the Eastern Lay Line with a pike at your flank. Ended up deciding to head north to Equestria after hearing stories from some of the deer in Cervidas. Course, only two ways to Equestria from our little slice of the world; ferry north under the Eternity Bridge ruins, or west back through Zebrica to the Tapirus Republic and the Boardor Tundra. We chose the shorter path, and found our way to Seaddle, where the northern ferry passes. Now, I'm not sure what it's like on the Equestrian side, but passage from Seaddle isn't cheap. And seeing as how we were two travelers without a bit to our name, we ended up sticking around in Seaddle. Had the bright idea of opening up an apothecary with what we'd learned of Alchemy over the years. Jack Boot had come up with a little brew she called Wild Earth, something she cooked together after fermenting a bunch of my ingredients on our travels. Wicked kick to it, but soothes the body and mind after a bit. After about a year we'd saved up the Bits to buy passage over, and so we hopped on board and set sail. Well... That's the last journey we ever took.
You might have heard old mares tales about the Quiet Sea. That stretch of water's nothing like you'd expect from your western or northern seas. Something's... wrong about it. Not too surprising, Abaddon's Fury's tearing up the ocean west of the Bridge year round. Ships go in, storms come out. We found one of those storms about half way through our trip, right where I'm told the bridge's ruins can't protect ships passing through. Jack Boot... I couldn't hold onto her, and she got washed overboard. Haven't heard from her since. Last thing she ever said to me was "keep walking Blindfire, ya don't got anything holdin' ya down." We were talking about what we'd do after we got to Equestria. We were gonna travel across the country before heading up toward the Frozen North.
That didn't happen. Once the ship docked in Stableside I headed north. For the first time since I was a colt, I was alone. Ya may not know what it's like to be fully alone, but you'll get a feel for it when there's nopony to tell you to stop before you walk into a ditch. If there's anything I never want to hear again, it's the kinda quiet ya only get when all ya can hear are your own hoofsteps. So I did some things I'm not too proud of on the way. Turned to my alchemy for comfort, ended up a drunk. Turned to walking, ended up outside a little town near the Everfree. Finally figured it out when I met the Kids here, Sandy Stride and Snowfall. Kids were born in Stalliongrad not too far from Canterlot from what they tell me, ended up alone when a firestorm razed their house. Sandy's an Earth Pony, and Snowfall's a Unicorn, though I don't know enough about you ponies' crazy genetics to figure out how. Like I said before, we were both alone, so we decided to be alone together. They're still pretty young, around seven and eight respectively. I'm taking care of them as best I can while we travel, and teaching them a bit on the side. Most of my kind probably wouldn't appreciate me sharing Alchemy with the kids, but by this point I'm probably more pony than Zebra anyway. Sides, what does it matter how stripy my coat is, I can't see it. So why care that much? Oh yeah, we're staying at an inn between Canterlot and Manehattan. The airhead lives in Manehattan, no telling why though with him. Met him after setting up camp one night a few months back. Kid swooped outta the sky and landed next to the fire like he owned the place. Ended up sticking around, and the Kids like him, so I figured that he could travel with us too. Vanishes every so often to deliver something or go exploring with his sister, but he seems to find us again pretty easily. Ended up having to back on the old apothecary routine again for support, at least until the Kids have figured enough out to handle a trip. Shouldn't be too much longer before we get moving though.
So that's my tale, long as it is. Sorry if I bored ya too much, I know how hard it can be to sift though somepony's life story like that. Until we head out, feel free to ask any questions. I'll make sure to throw any directed at the airhead whenever he shows up. Oh yeah, if you're curious about how we look, check the airhead's Deviantart. Hasn't bothered putting my history up yet, but I get the feeling he's gonna swipe this one and throw it on there soon. Anyway, travel on Kids, meet ya on the horizon.
---Blindfire---
Gone already? Huh, that was fast. Crazy kid never did slow down. Oh yeah, time for a story. Well, let's see... I should start with the obvious I guess. Name's Blindfire. I know it ain't normal for a Zebra, but what can I say? Always liked the simplicity of pony names, and this one stuck. I've been walkin' this world for about twenty of my twenty six years now, give or take a few. Kinda lost track once I hit Camelu. I'm a wanderer by trade, if ya couldn't tell. Walkin's and Alchemy are all I know. Now, you've probably heard of Zebrica, right? Way down south, on another continent. That's where I'm from, and most others like me I reckon. Now for the fun part. See, I was born blind. Now you're probably askin' yourself "How's he typing then?" Same way little Twilight sends her letters, I dictate. Picked up a pair of kids in Canterlot a bit back, filly and colt were alone. Seeing as I was alone, I figured I'd take them along with me and teach them how the world worked. Little Sandy Stride's pretty good with a keyboard for an Earth Pony, so she helps me write when the airhead up there's missing. Now where was I... Oh yeah, foalhood.
Now, in Zebrica things aren't quite like they are here. Ya get good at surviving, or ya don't. Me? Well, being blind wasn't much of an advantage as ya can probably guess. Dad's probably still wandering around out here somewhere, and my mom... well, she taught me how to get by for six years. How to perceive the world around me, Alchemy, everything. All the while she was working on something or another to let me see. Well, as any zebra will tell you, sometimes the things ya mix don't want to go together quietly. Heard a shout, then nothing but heat and sound. Ears were still ringing when I woke up across the street. With no one to take care of me, I gathered what supplies I could from the debris and started walking. It was tough, and I lost the road a few times, but after everything that had happened I couldn't very well stop walking. Ended up wandering into Camelu who knows how long later. Met up with somepony who'd be my friend from then on. Earth Pony filly by the name of Jack Boot. Filly'd figured out her talent was wandering pretty early, since she sounded a bit older than me. Ended up traveling together for the next... fourteen years or so I think. She's the one who called me Blindfire, after all the times I'd set myself on fire trying to get camp set up. Can't remember my old name, doesn't really matter anyway.
We went everywhere. Camelu, Cervidas, the Emberbrace Mountains, heck even Roe Island. We relied on each other, course when you're out in the Camelu deserts you learn pretty quick to rely on your friends. Heck, forget friends, we were family. She made up for my faults, and I helped her with her's. Nothing better for a short temper than a hoof at your back, even if ya have to help it find ya. Real useful when ya are trying to not get chased off from the Eastern Lay Line with a pike at your flank. Ended up deciding to head north to Equestria after hearing stories from some of the deer in Cervidas. Course, only two ways to Equestria from our little slice of the world; ferry north under the Eternity Bridge ruins, or west back through Zebrica to the Tapirus Republic and the Boardor Tundra. We chose the shorter path, and found our way to Seaddle, where the northern ferry passes. Now, I'm not sure what it's like on the Equestrian side, but passage from Seaddle isn't cheap. And seeing as how we were two travelers without a bit to our name, we ended up sticking around in Seaddle. Had the bright idea of opening up an apothecary with what we'd learned of Alchemy over the years. Jack Boot had come up with a little brew she called Wild Earth, something she cooked together after fermenting a bunch of my ingredients on our travels. Wicked kick to it, but soothes the body and mind after a bit. After about a year we'd saved up the Bits to buy passage over, and so we hopped on board and set sail. Well... That's the last journey we ever took.
You might have heard old mares tales about the Quiet Sea. That stretch of water's nothing like you'd expect from your western or northern seas. Something's... wrong about it. Not too surprising, Abaddon's Fury's tearing up the ocean west of the Bridge year round. Ships go in, storms come out. We found one of those storms about half way through our trip, right where I'm told the bridge's ruins can't protect ships passing through. Jack Boot... I couldn't hold onto her, and she got washed overboard. Haven't heard from her since. Last thing she ever said to me was "keep walking Blindfire, ya don't got anything holdin' ya down." We were talking about what we'd do after we got to Equestria. We were gonna travel across the country before heading up toward the Frozen North.
That didn't happen. Once the ship docked in Stableside I headed north. For the first time since I was a colt, I was alone. Ya may not know what it's like to be fully alone, but you'll get a feel for it when there's nopony to tell you to stop before you walk into a ditch. If there's anything I never want to hear again, it's the kinda quiet ya only get when all ya can hear are your own hoofsteps. So I did some things I'm not too proud of on the way. Turned to my alchemy for comfort, ended up a drunk. Turned to walking, ended up outside a little town near the Everfree. Finally figured it out when I met the Kids here, Sandy Stride and Snowfall. Kids were born in Stalliongrad not too far from Canterlot from what they tell me, ended up alone when a firestorm razed their house. Sandy's an Earth Pony, and Snowfall's a Unicorn, though I don't know enough about you ponies' crazy genetics to figure out how. Like I said before, we were both alone, so we decided to be alone together. They're still pretty young, around seven and eight respectively. I'm taking care of them as best I can while we travel, and teaching them a bit on the side. Most of my kind probably wouldn't appreciate me sharing Alchemy with the kids, but by this point I'm probably more pony than Zebra anyway. Sides, what does it matter how stripy my coat is, I can't see it. So why care that much? Oh yeah, we're staying at an inn between Canterlot and Manehattan. The airhead lives in Manehattan, no telling why though with him. Met him after setting up camp one night a few months back. Kid swooped outta the sky and landed next to the fire like he owned the place. Ended up sticking around, and the Kids like him, so I figured that he could travel with us too. Vanishes every so often to deliver something or go exploring with his sister, but he seems to find us again pretty easily. Ended up having to back on the old apothecary routine again for support, at least until the Kids have figured enough out to handle a trip. Shouldn't be too much longer before we get moving though.
So that's my tale, long as it is. Sorry if I bored ya too much, I know how hard it can be to sift though somepony's life story like that. Until we head out, feel free to ask any questions. I'll make sure to throw any directed at the airhead whenever he shows up. Oh yeah, if you're curious about how we look, check the airhead's Deviantart. Hasn't bothered putting my history up yet, but I get the feeling he's gonna swipe this one and throw it on there soon. Anyway, travel on Kids, meet ya on the horizon.
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Introductions Archive / Hey Everypony, let me tell you a story...
2014 Jan 21, 20:03:56
I'm Blaze, Liven Courier, Moonstone, or Corey. Call me whatever, I'll (probably) know who you're talking about. The Zebra down there's Blindfire, don't mind him. Anyway, nice to meetcha. I'm a writer, and recently (read:almost half a year ago) became the GM for a Roleplaying is Magic campaign, and one of the founders of the Roleplaying group Team Crit Fail. No, no, you haven't heard of us before. Mainly because I'm incredibly lazy when it comes to editing. Been a brony for a while, but I've followed the fandom for a while. Indoctrination episode was Best Night Ever, and Zecora is best pony. (Ah, I can hear the keyboards typing from here. 83) Anyway, lemme turn it over to the cranky Zebra now.
---Blindfire---
Hey, you sure this is the right place for this? Ah, whatever. Nice to meet ya, name's Blindfire. You'll find more information in the PROPER thread, but for now all ya need ta know is that I usually have some kind of comment to go along with this loon's energy. I'm the one to go to if you're looking for some actually useful criticism on something, don't bother with the airhead. Anyway, if ya want to see some of the stuff we've made, check out our Deviantart page. I'm sure Cloudy's put up a link somewhere. Check it out if ya want to hear a story, or just marvel at how little editing somepony can do of OC Creator made OCs. Later everypony, find ya on the forums.
---Blindfire---
Hey, you sure this is the right place for this? Ah, whatever. Nice to meet ya, name's Blindfire. You'll find more information in the PROPER thread, but for now all ya need ta know is that I usually have some kind of comment to go along with this loon's energy. I'm the one to go to if you're looking for some actually useful criticism on something, don't bother with the airhead. Anyway, if ya want to see some of the stuff we've made, check out our Deviantart page. I'm sure Cloudy's put up a link somewhere. Check it out if ya want to hear a story, or just marvel at how little editing somepony can do of OC Creator made OCs. Later everypony, find ya on the forums.
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